| The Courtyard Chapter 10 |
| “Can you bring me the Lotis file, Miss Upton?” Lance asked his personal assistant over the intercom. “It’s already on your desk, sir,” she responded efficiently. “Will there be anything else?” she returned. He glanced at his watch quickly and realized that he had kept her in the office nearly two full hours late. “You should have told me how late it was,” he censured her. Not on your life, she thought to herself. She had been with him long enough to know that she needs to stay away when he starts calling her Miss Upton. “There is one other thing,” she tempted fate. “There’s someone here to see you.” “I thought I told you to cancel my afternoon appointment?” he asked abrasively. He knew that she was the last person to deserve his animosity, but she was the one that just happened to be there. “Oh you’re going to see me,” Toni stated as she walked into his office, slamming the door behind her. “And you can forget about contacting your assistant again. She was out the door as soon as she told you I was here.” She looked him up and down. “She’s obviously a lady who knows when to duck and cover.” Lance heaved a sigh as he looked at her standing in the middle of his office with her arms folded across her chest. This wasn’t going to be pretty. “Hello Toni. What can I do for you today?” he asked solicitously, as if she was merely a client. Then he went to his desk to find the file he had been looking for staring him right in the face. “You can tell me how you can justify being so self-righteous for starters.” His eyes darted back up to hers as he tapped a finger against the file. “If this isn’t business related, then I’ve got work to do,” he stated and turned to walk back to his drafting table at the far side of the room. He felt enough like a fool without having to rehash it with one of Hanna’s friends. “Are you really that callous?” she asked heatedly as she followed him to his work station. “Callous?” he shot back. “And stubborn. And judgmental. And unforgiving,” she added. “I can think of a whole list of superlatives to describe you and the really sad part about it is that I didn’t think you were any of them. You certainly have everyone fooled.” “I have everyone fooled?” he asked incredulously. “I’d say your friend wrote the book on that one. From where I stand, she could give Brenda lessons.” “Then that just goes to show how self-centered you are,” she shot back. “You’re not even considering Hanna’s feelings in all of this.” “Why should I care how she is feeling? She brought this on herself. Look Toni, I’ve got kids to consider here. I still don’t know how I can possibly tell Carol what’s going on. She’s going to be devastated. Not to mention the effect that all of this has had on my business. If you lose credibility in this town, you’re dead. Hanna certainly wasn’t worried about my professional reputation or my children. So I ask you again, why should I care about her?” Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him suspiciously. “You make it sound like she planned all this.” “She might as well have. It couldn’t have been a more public display unless it had been on live television. I had four potential clients call me up today to tell me that they were going with another architect and my first two appointments couldn’t have cared less about the plans I had for them. They were more interested on hearing the gossip first hand. It has gotten so out of control that I had all of my appointments canceled until next week. Hopefully by then all this would have blown over.” He ran his fingers through his hair restlessly. The frustration of having his love life scrutinized by the public was starting to wear on him, but that humiliation barely cast a shadow compared to the ache he had deep inside. “It may surprise you to hear, but Hanna was just as much a victim in this as you were. Do you have any idea how devastated she is?” He started sorting through papers on the drafting table, completely blind to what he was looking at. Just the mention of her name was like a knife slicing through him. The thought of her in tears was almost beyond bearing, and he shored his emotions against it. He couldn’t let it effect him. He had to think of his kids. “She didn’t know that she was still married,” Toni stated with assurance when he seemed to ignore her question. “Yeah. Right. Like I’m going to believe that one,” he said sarcastically, then turned back to the file in his hands. “Now if you will excuse me. I’ve got work to do.” “So you’re going to dismiss me as easily as you did Hanna?” she asked, then nodded slowly. She knew that he was upset and that he had every right to be, but Hanna wasn’t the one that deserved his contempt. “Then maybe she is better off without you.” She turned on her heel and started out of the room, then hesitated and took a few steps back toward him. “But before I go, let me ask you this.” She thought out her words carefully. “Didn’t you even consider for one second that Hanna might be innocent? That it was a horrible coincidence where Brenda was concerned, but it was just a coincidence? Isn’t it even the slightest bit possible that you could be wrong?” Toni’s eyes bore into his from across the room, but he remained silent. That was enough of an answer for her and she was going to deflate his ego with pleasure. “Well, I’ve got news for you. She had no idea that the divorce had been nullified. Tommy showed up on Jodi’s doorstep with the proof in his pocket. The judge that had presided over their case was indicted so their divorce decree became as worthless as the paper it was printed on.” “What?” Lance asked softly, caught completely off guard by her words. She heard just the slightest bit of doubt in his tone and she zeroed in, taking several steps closer to deliver her final point. “Hanna was divorced. She had the documents in her hand before she even left Minnesota. The news about the judge didn’t hit the papers until after the first of January and we all know where she was at that time.” When his eyes drifted away from her, she knew that his doubt had taken a firm hold, but she wasn’t going to leave it at that. She wanted him to know what it was like to hurt. “How does it feel to walk out on a woman who adores you so much that she can’t stand to be without you for ten minutes?” His heart rose into his throat and his lungs began to struggle for air. Instead of standing by her, he had abandoned her to the wolf in the guise of her husband. Instead of trusting her, he had, in fact, become the betrayer. He had believed a stranger instead of the woman that he loved more than life itself. “What have I done?” he whispered softly. When Toni saw the look in his eye, she knew that he was finally listening. “You screwed up big time,” she said without compassion. Lance reached out instinctively and grabbed her arm when she started to leave once more, then drew his hands back when she shot him a heated look. “Where is she, Toni? Is she at home? With Francine? With Jodi?” He kept questioning when she wouldn’t respond. “Can’t you help me even that much?” “Help you?” she spat back. “Why should I help you when you did something like this to one of my closest friends?” “If you didn’t come here with the intent of getting us back together, then why did you come here?” he demanded, his emotions raging. “I came here to tell you what an ass you are,” she said. He gave her a sideways look. “Thanks for pointing out the obvious,” he returned, taking a shot at himself. He hurried over to his desk, pulling out a couple of small items, including his keys and stuffing them into his pockets before he raced for the door. “Hey!” Toni called out to stop him, then hesitated when he did just that. She fidgeted slightly. She hoped Hanna would forgive her as well. “She’s at home.” Lance walked back over to her quickly, put his hands on either side of her face, then placed a firm kiss on her lips. “Thank you.” * * * Hanna closed her eyes as the doorbell rang for a third time. Why couldn’t her mother understand that she just wanted a little time alone? Francine had been at her apartment even before she left for work that morning and there again when she got home. It wasn’t bad enough that she was always there, but she continually admonished her when she couldn’t sit still for two seconds. When she finally convinced her mother to leave an hour before, Hanna had wondered how long she would actually stay away. She had hoped for at least the night, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen. She stood with a sigh when the doorbell rang a forth time and slowly shuffled to the door. A fierce pounding started as she reached for the handle, then she jerked back as if burned when a familiar voice followed. “Hanna?” Lance called out when he didn’t get a response. Her first instinct was to lunge for the door, but then she pulled back just as quickly. Her next thought was to walk away, but she barely even managed to turn when she stopped herself yet again. Her next thought was of her clothes and she glanced down at herself in dismay. That prompted another move toward her bedroom, but then the bell and knock joined forces and she flipped the dead bolt. Lance heaved a sigh of relief when he heard the sound of her door unlocking and he closed his eyes for a brief second as he sent up a silent prayer. It only took one look at her face to know that Toni hadn’t been exaggerating about Hanna’s pain. It was written in every line of her face. The swollen, red-rimmed eyes which couldn’t quite meet his. The slight tremble of her lips. The nervous movement of her hands. Every minute detail was there to remind him of what he had done. “Can I come in?” he asked uncertainly. Her eyes darted skittishly as a myriad of reasons for his arrival raced through her mind. His question barely even registered with her at first, then she gestured for him to come in, walking further into the apartment herself to avoid the close proximity of the narrow hallway. He followed her into the living room, then stopped her when she reached for the lamp to brighten the candle light. “No, don’t. It’s perfect just the way it is.” There was a long, awkward pause where neither of them knew what to say or what to do. Finally, Hanna opted to move back to the couch and he followed suit, taking the opposite end from her when she put her knees up in front of her and wrapped her arms around them. “Toni came by my office a little while ago,” he began when he couldn’t think of anything else to say to break the tension between them. “She’s extremely articulate when it comes to getting her point across,” he said, then gave her a nervous smile. “Particularly when it came to what a complete and total idiot I am. Actually, I think that the word she used was ass.” Hanna’s eyes jerked up to his. “What?” she asked softly. She had been expecting another confrontation or, perhaps, a formal end to their relationship, but it actually sounded more to her like an apology and she couldn’t imagine where that was coming from. “I’m here to apologize,” he said, voicing her thoughts, then he hesitated once more as he studied her face. “I can’t begin to make up for walking out of the gallery last night, for walking out on you,” he amended. “Toni told me everything. About the judge and the divorce. I’m so sorry Hanna. I should have believed in you. I should have trusted you. I should have been there for you instead of adding to the problem.” He shortened the distance between them, sliding over and placing a hand against her knee. “If there was any way for me to erase the last twenty-four hours, I would. There are so many things that I would do differently. The first would be how I treated you. Further on down the list, kicking Tommy’s ass comes to mind,” he said jokingly and received the fraction of a smile which was a gift from God to him. “Actually, Steve took care of that one for you,” she confided as her heart began to pound in her ears. “Oh really?” he returned, giving her an encouraging smile. “Remind me to thank him later,” he said, then slowly lost his grin as he reached up to touch her cheek and she pulled away slightly. That couldn’t have hurt him more if she had slapped him. “I know that I don’t have any right to ask, but is there any way that you can forgive me?” “The way you were going to forgive me?” she shot back and saw him wince. When his hand started to slide from her knee, she quickly put her hand over it to trap it there. She didn’t what to lose him any more than he wanted to lose her, but they had just hit a major pothole on their road to happiness. “You have no idea what it was like for me to see that look on your face when Tommy made his big announcement. I knew from just a glance how much it was hurting you, but what you couldn’t see was that it was hurting me too. When you compared me to Brenda, something inside me died.” He reached out to caress her cheek once more, this time to brush away one in a long line of tears. His own eyes began to mist over as she brought back the events to his mind in crystal clarity. “At first,” she continued. “I was completely numb at Tommy’s accusations because I knew that they weren’t true. I just couldn’t believe that he would do something that could so completely destroy my life. I never thought that I would see him again. That chapter of my life was over, finished.” “I know,” he whispered softly as his hand tightened on her knee. He was seeing everything anew through her eyes, feeling her pain instead of his own. She swallowed hard as she watched her hand rub against his in a completely unconscious movement. “Then Tommy came here and showed me the proof. He started saying that he still he loved me and I thought,” she hesitated for a moment as the scene played out in her head. “I thought of how pitiful he really was. Not because he was there pulling another one of his schemes, but because I knew what true love felt like and Tommy would never have that in his life. That’s when I realized that everything you said was right. I was just like Brenda.” “No,” he shook his head as his fingers slipped back into her hair. “You’re nothing like Brenda. You were the victim in this. Not only by Tommy’s hand, but by mine too. When I walked out of that gallery, I walked out on every hope of happiness in my future. I can’t even imagine tomorrow without you in it.” Hanna’s tears broke through all of her barriers and Lance instantly bundled her in his arms. “I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered near her ear. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated, then buried his face in her hair. When the tears began to subside, she slapped at his chest as she pulled back abruptly. “You made me confide in my mother!” she accused him and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’m really sorry,” he returned in jest and they both broke out in nervous laughter. Hanna swiped at her face now that she was able to contain her tears. She had been on such an emotional roller coaster in the past day that she needed something to break the tension and she knew that she could count on his quick wit. She tucked her feet up under her as she looked into his eyes. “It took me so long to convince myself that everything could really be so perfect between us,” she said softly. “You made me believe in fairy tales and that is truly a gift in this cynical world. But now I’m so confused that I don’t know if we can get any of that back.” He sighed heavily as he looked down at her hands folded in her lap and he reached over to cover them with one of his. “That’s my fault,” he admitted, then his eyes darted back up to hers. “When I think back to my relationship with Debbie I see stability. We knew from the moment that we met what we wanted and where we were headed. I loved her and we had a nice, comfortable life together, but when I try to remember the passion,” he shook his head, “it simply wasn’t there.” Lance slowly brought one of her hands up to his lips and gently kissed it. “When I think of you,” he began again. “Everything around me seems brighter. Colors are sharper. The air is energized and love songs actually make sense. I feel like I know what it means to be alive for the first time in my life. Every minute of every day, something reminds me of you. I love everything about you from the way that you eat ice cream by the quart to the way that you treat my children. I love the woman who actually knows how to play video games and who likes to burn candles by the dozen to create ambiance even when you’re alone.” He gestured around to the candles around them, then a lava lamp caught his eye. “I love the woman that’s trapped in the seventies and the fact that you went to all the trouble of sharing that with Sarah. I don’t think that she ever even looked at an album until you brought yours over. Did you know that I’ve actually caught her listening to an oldies radio station once or twice?” Hanna smiled, shaking her head as she swallowed past the lump that persisted in her throat. “You never told me that.” His eyes looked deeply into hers as he gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “There’s not a doubt in my mind that we can work through this. My love for you hasn’t changed. But what I need to know is if you still feel the same,” he said cautiously. “I need to know if you can ever forgive me.” She turned her hands over so that she could lace her fingers through his with one and lightly caress the back of his hand with the other. “It’s funny the kinds of things that go through your mind when your emotions are raging out of control. At one point, I remember thinking that the guy who said that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was completely wrong. To have love, true love, and then lose it is the most painful experience imaginable.” “I can’t promise you that our life is going to be smooth sailing. With three kids we can pretty much count on our share of hard times,” he said and gave her a smile. “But I will promise you this. No matter what happens in the future, I will never turn my back on you again.” When her head bowed and he saw the tension in her shoulders relaxed, he put his fingers under her chin to raise her eyes back to his. “I want to marry you, Hanna,” he said with conviction. “And I don’t want to have to wait a day longer than I have to.” “You don’t have to say that,” she argued, thinking that he was just making the offer to make up for the past twenty-four hours even though her heart danced happily at the words. “I’m not just saying it,” he returned as a blue velvet box suddenly appeared in his hand. He slowly tipped back the lid to show her an exquisite marquise cut diamond in an antique setting. “I planned on asking you this weekend when we were in Santa Barbara.” Hanna put her hand over her mouth as she gazed at the glittering stone and her eyes began to tear up for a different reason. Her hand shook as she took the small box from his hand for a closer look. Then her eyes rose to his as she snapped the lid closed and put it back into his hand. “When I say yes, I’m not going to have any ties standing in the way, but there is one thing that I have to do before I can say that. Ask me again when my divorce is final.” His heart had nearly exploded through his chest when she handed the ring back to him, but now he tucked it away with a smile. “What do you think about making a trip to Mexico this weekend instead of Santa Barbara?” he asked half-seriously. “Why does everyone want to go to Mexico with me?” she joked easily. “Mom was ready to hop on a plane today and Jodi offered to go with me this morning.” “Ah, but I can show you things you’ve never seen before,” he promised seductively as he leaned closer to kiss her, but then hesitated. “I know a great restaurant down in Cancun.” She slapped at his chest playfully as they smiled at his taunting, then she grew serious again as she stared into his eyes. Her fingers lightly caressed his cheek and she rejoiced in every sensation that shot through her body. “I do love you, Lance. With all my heart and soul. I love you.” His eyes drank from hers, drawing out the very essence that she spoke of as the flame of passion flared. Then his mouth found hers and their brief separation only helped to fuel the fire raging between them. He pulled her so close that she had been forced to turn on the couch and lay in his arms. Now that he had her back where she belonged, he didn’t want to ever let go. * * * |