I still tricked myself to believe that I look far off in future and make good & educated plans. May be natured wanted to let me know (as that all this was unwarranted beliefs). I suffered from Hyper-Myopia for last 8 years. Same time since I have devleoped this cronic Idea of been wise and making good plans for future. (As in the "Alchemist", nature shows you sign's everywhere, once just need to read them).
Well, as of me, I was never paid attention to that nature told me that I am short sighted!! On and off I made wrong decision, poor choices in my life and in my career... But never improved, Till yesterday I never payed any attention to it.
I started having problems due to my short-sightedness and had to visit an optician.. And got myself contact lens.. (Don't ask me why not glasses), my friend went with me... and asked me a question why not glasses, Amber ? Why am I spending so much money on the lenses they are expensive, need to be changed very now and than, find hard to put on and remove, need other things like solution, a pair of extra glass, clean napkins etc etc.
Didn't pay much heed to him, may be just smiled. Just told myself it not all that expensive!!!
As we where making your way to home, we stopped at the Cobblers shop!! My friend had put his shoe for polishing. A very dilapidated shop and even more dilapidated was the Cobbler himself. I mostly run away from such places on the first opportunity. Don't visited such shop for the sheer feeling of helplessness. As I said, I conditioned myself that these people are no good, India and future hold good life for everyone.... They just don;t want to change!!!
As I had no other option but to stand and watch the cobbler do his part. I gain control over myself and decided to defocus from the pity things I was seening and focus on what and how he was doing what he was doing... ( I try this trick on myself lot of times, kind of mental distraction for myself fro things I don't like)
But I could not have ever imagined, what I was to see now...
This guy was old shabby and looked very poor (also hungry, needed better clothings etc etc).. May be I am imagined all this... But as I just came out of the optician.. I could not help notice his glasses... They where thick, kind of very dirty looking, with broken from the side. Noticing at this, I was thinking what the hell, and even before I could finish thinking about this, I saw him trying to open a tin box. May be box of shoe polish; I am not sure, a fairly big tin box... To my horror, he was trying to find and open the cap of the tin box with a lever which in itself was fairly big... but this poor fellow was unable to make contact between the box and the lever...
Here is this guy, poor working for 5 bucks for less in sun and rain and on the street side. And here I am, with the God's grace I have everything I wish I had. The poor soul is almost in the end of his life and I am still so young and wasting my life... I have money which I am bend on spending, while I am not sure if he had enought even to eat and get proper eye glasses!!!
I have resources and I don't care and he don't but does care...
All I could think of was to run!!!! Well, I guess someone is really short sighted.
Didn’t notice, it was a friendship day today, untill got a call from one of the close friend & after that somehow after got so many of them that I am amazed!!! More amazing was calls from number of old long lost friends. :)
Wow!!! That made my day, got back some of the old and golden memories.
But also came some of the bad memories of lost friends. Relationships which could have be great but turned sour. And worst missed lot of junta whom just could not keep in touch with.... The ones whom I have lost due to my lazyness. But, as I always say to myself...
Past is to learn, future is to yearn!!!
I feel down right lost, depressed, gloomy, dejected, dispaired, doomed, dim, melancholy by looking at past & thinking of things which I lost or I didn't get. Why ? Why these feelings come to me I don't know, but when they came they came hard. This is the time when I hate myself for not acting in matter the differently.
Does this happen to everyone ??. Is iy not that losing is as much part of life as gaining??
Just makes me wonder.....
Family, Friends, Career, Money... What is the most imp. in thing in once life? What is that one that is MUST HAVE to be happy? How about Love, someone whom you can share your feelings with? Not too sure what is it. May be one day I will learn. For now it looks like the more you carve for something the more it haunts you.