Amber
I me and myself
You Think Its Funny - Check this out
Need Fun
2005-12-08 10:41:41 GMT
Comments (4 total)
Author:Amber
FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Much llater the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my step-mother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!!!!!!

And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!
2005-12-08 10:48:27 GMT
Author:Amber
ECONOMICS
------------

*TRADITIONAL*
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

*PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*

You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

*AMERICAN ECONOMICS*

You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a
danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

* FRENCH ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.


*GERMAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.


*BRITISH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
They are both mad.


*ITALIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.


*SWISS ECONOMICS*
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

*JAPANESE ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.



*CHINESE ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.



*RUSSIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

************ INDIAN ECONOMICS ************
You have two cows.
You worship them.

2005-12-21 05:02:28 GMT
Author:Amber
Superb Communication

Programmer to Team Leader :
"We can't do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these type of projects."


Team Leader to Project Manager :
"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."


Project Manager to 1st Level Manager :
"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."


1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :
"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project,but with caution."


Senior Level Manager to CEO :
"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in
remodelling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the
necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances."


CEO to Client :
"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame.
2005-12-21 05:04:34 GMT
Author:Amber
Before computers came along
-------------------------------
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
2005-12-21 05:07:29 GMT
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