~~~
Don’t you see
Don’t you see
That the charade is over?
And all the “Best Deceptions” and
“Clever Cover Story” awards go to you
So kiss me hard
Because this will be the last time that I let you
~The Best Deceptions~ Dashboard Confessional~
~~~
Max tilted her head to the side, watching as chocolate ice cream dripped from the spoon she held in her hand to a relatively large puddle on the floor. Original Cindy came into the room, coming to a dead halt when she saw Max. She let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed a paper towel, wiping up the sticky chocolate lake.
“Cindy!” Max shouted, broken from her trance.
“Look Boo. I’m all for you going through the healthy mourning period but you haven’t left the sofa for almost a week,” O.C. said anxiously, “You’re ready to be released back into the world.”
“He didn’t die,” Max scowled, setting the half empty tub of ice cream on the floor and getting to her feet.
“You’re acting like he did,” Cindy retorted, throwing away the ice cream, spoon included. “Now you are going to go to this shin-dig of Logan’s tonight and you are going to have fun in your very pretty, VERY expensive new dress.”
Max stretched languidly and scratched her stomach in one fluid motion, “And I’m going to flirt wildly with every male who looks my way,” she said through a yawn.
Cindy smiled threw an arm around her friend’s shoulders before pushing her towards the bathroom, “Shower,” she ordered with a grin. Max blinked and sniffed the oversized t-shirt she had been wearing for nearly three days. Smelled fine to her.
“You’ve been sitting there in your own filth for a week Boo,” O.C. explained, “Trust me, you stink.”
“Honesty is a virtue,” Max drawled and padded into the bathroom, feeling halfway decent for the first time in a while. She didn’t need Alec to feel good about herself. She didn’t need his memory pestering her wherever she went. She had run after him trying to apologize, trying to catch him but he was gone. She had tried to do the right thing in the end it had just been a little too late.
A shower felt good after days of being parked on the sofa, o.d.ing on ice cream and pre-pulse romantic comedies. She was washing away whatever guilt and regret she held over the ordeal with Alec along with the grime. She emerged from the shower, to a dark room. She didn’t realize she had been in there that long but she realized that she didn’t really know what time she finally got off the sofa. It could’ve nearly been dusk then. She flicked on a light and saw the dress she had purchased several weeks ago, spread across the bed. The dress she had bought with Alec.
She could remember his reaction when he saw the dress. The throat clearing, anxious twitching, and muttered complements assuring that this was definitely her dress. He was also flirting with the sales clerk she reminded herself before the tears could start again. She wasn’t the type to pout for long periods of time but it was Alec’s whispered confession as he left that had her in shock for hours afterwards. In retrospect she realized that he couldn’t have meant it. He wasn’t the type to fall in love and if he did it certainly wouldn’t be with her. He went for innocence. The only other person he loved was Rachel and Max was nothing like Rachel. Or the Rachel he described at least.
“Boo, get your scrawny little ass out here!” O.C. shouted through the closed door.
Max jumped, startled, “One second!” she called, quickly toweling off and slipping the dress over her head. She glanced in the mirror and let out a little yelp. Her wet hair was sticking out all over the place and looked like it needed several hours of intense care. Plus there was make-up….
“You go ahead,” Max shouted to O.C, “I’ll make my fashionably late entrance in an hour or so.”
“You are not getting out of this Boo!” O.C. shouted. Max stuck her head out to show Cindy the disaster that was her hair.
Original Cindy laughed, “I see,” she said and got up, “But you better be there in an hour or I’m coming back to physically drag you there.” Max retreated back into the room, only sticking her hand out long enough to flick off her friend. She heard O.C. laughing as she left the apartment. Max sighed and started to brush her flyaway hair.
Half an hour of primping and blow-drying gave her hair shampoo-commercial shine and bouncibility. The short hair cut several hours off the styling time. She put on her make-up hastily and took one last look in the mirror. The dress was white, setting off her natural tan and dark hair. She had bought it when she still thought she would be trying to make Logan jealous and had made sure that it showed off more than a little skin. It was backless and long, a slit up to mid thigh on both sides. She felt a bit uncomfortable but it was too late to change. She took a few deep calming breaths and set out for the party.
Logan’s big dress up affair was within walking distance from the apartment and she figured she could use the stinging cold of the night air to keep her composure. She arrived at the building, limos and other expensive cars circling around, dropping off their occupants at the entrance. Looked like she wasn’t the only one who went for a festively late entrance. She saw several small low budget magazines and news station camped out by the door, hoping for a glimpse of a celebrity or two.
She watched couple after couple enter the building, either smiling or avoiding the camera depending on their importance. Max realized the real reason she felt out of place and wheeled around ready to head back to the house. She had no date. She stopped, remembering O.C.’s threat and turned back to face the building. The walk between the parking lot and the door was roughly ten feet. She could put up with ten feet of embarrassment. She rolled her neck, listening to the joints pop as she did so, more like an athlete preparing for a race than a singleton entering a party. She began the long trek towards the path and braced herself for the amused whispers and pitying comments that were sure to come.
She stepped onto the walkway and felt a strong arm encircle her waist. She let out the breath that she had been holding and shot her savior a grateful smile. She found herself looking into a familiar pair of bright blue eyes and felt her knees begin to buckle. Alec’s arm steadied her while she collected herself and they walked down the path and into the bright light of the party. She immediately turned to Alec, so many things she had to say, bubbling up and then dieing away when she realized he had disappeared into the crowd making her wonder if he was even there to begin with. Maybe he had just been a figment of her lovesick imagination. A delusion brought on by too much ice cream and too many movies that ended with a happily ever after. An ending she would never get.
Original Cindy made her way through the crowd and arrived at Max’s side, “You look spooked Boo,” she said, regarding her friend worriedly.
“I thought - I’m – I’m fine,” she stammered, decideding that she should keep any indications of insanity to herself.
“Let’s go make your presence known to our host before we mingle,” O.C. said, still worried, “He’s been asking about you ya know.”
“Who?” Max asked, heart leaping.
“Logan,” Cindy replied, surprised that Max even had to ask. Max’s smile crumbled as they headed over to the older man who was making his rounds, engaging various guests in small talk. Asha followed him like an extra appendage, laughing at the right times and smiling graciously at everyone.
“Mr. and Mrs. Logan Cole,” Max muttered, trying to imagine herself in Asha spot and failing miserably. She would never have been the perfect girlfriend, the perfect hostess, the perfect wife. She would never have been right with Logan. She found herself next to Logan before she realized it and was startled when his hand grasped hers. She tried to yank it away before she realized the latex gloves adorning Logan’s hands.
“I’m telling people it’s a skin condition,” he said with a soft laugh, “I’m glad you came.” Max heard the sincerity in his voice and found herself remembering what she had found so attractive. What had repelled her from Alec. That sincerity. Alec was a joker. The comic relief the court jester, who was too proud to let his feelings show so he disguised them with witty banter and clever barbs. Logan was emotional and loving. A trait, which was suddenly not as appealing. She smiled wanly and caught sight of Asha staring at her jealously. Asha’s dress was reserved and was a perfect complement to Logan in his stiff tux, Max’s dress was loud and flirty and she looked more like Logan’s daughter or slutty mistress than his date. She excused herself and headed for the bathrooms, O.C. following a bewildered look on her face.
Max shut herself in one of the stalls and rummaged through her purse for a mirror. She lost her grip and the bag went splashing into the toilet below, “Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit,” she muttered staring helplessly at the cosmetics and random bits of paper floating in the water. She leaned her head back against the stall door and felt the tears well up behind closed lids. Max the tough as nails soldier was turning into an emotional train wreck. She heard someone else enter the bathroom and she wiped her nose on a piece of toilet paper shutting the toilet lid and taking a seat waiting for her eyes to return to their normal color and her sinuses to clear themselves.
“Max,” O.C. called knocking on the stall door.
“Go ‘way,” Max replied.
“Boo get out of there and stop pouting,” Cindy ordered.
“I’m taking a crap,” Max lied hoping that would scare off the other girl.
“No your not I can see your dress.”
Max rolled her eyes at her friend’s ability to be practical in any situation. She got up and opened the door letting it clang shut behind her.
“Where’s your purse?” she asked, a mother talking to a clumsy, slightly slow child.
“In the toilet,” Max said matter of factly, hoisting herself on the sinks and swinging her feet against the porcelain. O.C. watched her suspiciously and Max shrugged. She entered the stall and opened the toilet seat, fishing Max’s waterlogged purse and some of the salvageable item out of the water and setting them on the counter to dry out.
“We in the mood to share?” she asked after Max looked more or less under control.
“Not particularly.”
“Fine, we’ll sit here for the next four hours.”
“Good,” Max retorted her legs swing faster and faster. She realized how childish she was acting but it felt good to let go for once. To let someone else take care of her.
“Alright I’ll guess,” O.C. said, she didn’t fancy sitting in a bathroom for the remainder of the party. A woman entered the room and stared at Max and Cindy quizzically.
“Can I help you?” Max asked contrarily.
The woman looked away embarrassed and quickly washed her hands and left.
“You don’t want Logan any more,” Cindy guessed, ignoring the interruption.
Max nodded motioning for her to continue, “You feel out of place and awkward and you don’t want to hurt his feelings. Even if he hurt yours and has made you a complete nutcase for the past several months.”
“Bingo,” Max said, her shoulders dropping and her feet slowing and eventually stopping, “I don’t belong with him O.C. I don’t love him any more.”
“You’re in love with the one that got away,” Cindy finished.
Max nodded sadly and hopped off the sink. Original Cindy wrapped her in a fierce hug and Max returned it with an equal intensity.
“Let’s go back out there and show everyone that your o.k.” O.C. said nudging Max towards the door. Max shook her hair out and reentered the main party room, a smile plastered across her face. The moment she emerged she felt a hand grasp hers she faced Logan the smile still in place.
“Dance?” he asked with a hesitant smile. Max considered turning him down but decided to go for it. Maybe she could find a way to love Logan again, he certainly was making the effort. She took his hands and they moved onto the dance floor, only their hands touching, nothing more. Nothing more could unless they wanted him dead.
I’m finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don’t really know what I’m going to do when I get there
I take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
Max knew she had heard the song before but couldn’t quite place it. She liked it but with it came a feeling of sadness and nostalgia. Wonder where I heard it she mused, taking her mind off the awkwardness of the dance. Off the bizarre picture they must make holding hands and swaying to the music.
Cause I am hanging on every word you say
Even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
That’s where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be
Max heard someone clear his throat but Logan was blocking whoever it was.
“May I cut in?” the voice asked, somewhat amused the cocky smile that was most defiantly on his face almost present in his voice. Max’s heart hammered in her chest as Alec became visible over Logan’s shoulder, his eyes locked on her face though he was talking to Logan.
“Come on old man. This is our song you can have her the rest of the night.” Logan grudgingly released Max and she stepped into Alec’s arms amazed how right it felt.
I’m looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth And I’m trying to identify with the voices in my head God wish you won’t
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel
And break those calluses off me one more time
“Our song?” Max asked with a small smile.
“You don’t remember?” Alec asked, feigning hurt, “You’re the one who chose it.”
Max’s brow furrowed in concentration and the memory came crashing back to her, “Valentine’s day at Crash!” she cried happily.
“I’m sure I should be offended that you forgot so quickly but I’ll just blame it on your faulty memory,” he chided, his tone lighthearted.
Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be, Yeah
“I like the dress by the way,” Alec added, eyeing the expanse of leg the skirt bared appreciatively.
“You would,” Max snorted, very aware of how incredibly handsome Alec looked in a tux but not willing to ruin the comfortable mood with the admission.
Oh I don’t want a thing from you
Bet you’re tired of me waiting for
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
Cause I just wanna be here now
Cause I am hanging on every word you say
Even if you don’t wanna speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be
Where I wanna be
“Look Max I’ve been trying to postpone asking you this,” Alec began, shifting uncomfortably. Max felt her chest tighten and she nodded for him to continue.
“What the hell are you wiping all over my back?” he finished, looking over his shoulder but not breaking the embrace the dance called for, “Because it’s soaking through my jacket and it’s irritating the hell outa me.”
Max let out the breath that she had been holding in a relieved gasp, “That would be my purse,” she replied dangling the damp purse she was still clutching in front of his face.
“Toilet?” he asked, thinking nothing unusual about the method of destruction used on the ruined fabric.
Max nodded, scowling at the bag, “If you’re willing to brave the woman’s bathroom you’ll probably still see some of my make-up floating in the third stall from the door.” Alec smiled and plucked the purse out of her fingers and tossed it across the room, watching it flop to a wet heap in the corner of the room.
“I’ll buy you a new one,” he assured her, ruffling her hair. Max batted away his hand, but the smile didn’t fade.
“Are you going to stay long enough to fulfill that promise?” she asked hesitantly. A look of what could only be described as panic flitted across Alec’s handsome face and he muttered something about having to go to the bathroom before disappearing into the crowd for the second time that night. Max was left alone on the dance floor staring at his retreating back.
“Alec!” she cried, pushing through the crowd, chasing after him yet again.
~~~