When we come face to face with a difference that challenges our beliefs or values, we have a choice about about how we respond. Carlos Casteneda offers the following guidance, inspired by his study of Don Juan Matus, a Mexican Yaqui Indian sorcerer.
Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it doesn't it is of no use.
Inter-being and Understanding
Our existence is tied to the interconnectedness that holds us and everything else together. Thich Nhat Hanh, internationally recognized poet and peace activist, refers to this interconnectedness as "inter-being" (The Heart of Understanding, 1987). When we realize our inter-being and act mindfully on our awareness, we can be with others with an understanding heart.
"Inter-be"Ðit is not found in the dictionary yet, but I hope someday it will be. To be means to inter-be because nothing can be by itself. Everything has to inter-be with other things. For example, the rose and the garbage inter-are. Without the rose, there is no garbage. Without the garbage, there is no rose. Look deeply at the rose to see also the garbage. Look deeply at the garbage to see also the rose. Each is as precious as the other.
Wholeness and Eachness
Jon Kabat-Zinn, University of Massachusetts Medical Center, has done extensive research on strategies for reducing violence and addictive and self-destructive behaviors. In his book, Wherever You Go, There You Are, he talks about similarities and differences.
All faces resemble each other, yet how easily we see in each uniqueness, individuality, and identity. How deeply we value these differences. The ocean is a whole, but it has countless waves, everyone different from all the others; it has currents, each unique, ever-changing; the bottom is a landscape all its own, different everywhere; similarly the shoreline. The atmosphere is whole, but its currents have unique signatures, even though they are just wind. Life on earth is a whole, yet it expresses itself in unique time-bound bodies, microscopic or visible, plant or animal, extinct or living. So there can be no one place to be. There can be no one way to be, no one way to practice, no one way to learn, no one way to love, no one way to grow or heal, no one way to live; no one way to feel, no one thing to know or be known. The particulars count.
Making Assumptions
We often have problems relating to people because we assume things about them based on the way they look, speak, or act. One of The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is especially helpful in teaching us to learn from others and check our reactions to what we hear, see, and feel: Don't make assumptions. Ruiz explains:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.