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| Page 2 Continued Next, the U.S. plane is "forced" to land on an island, which also happens to be home to a Chinese military base. It is doubtful this could have happened in real life because the speed of the Aris II compared to the F-8 is like a hare to a tortoise. More damning to the implausible script is that Aris II versus F-8 technology is like a Power Mac to a Mac Classic, or an Athalon Processor to a 486. Plus, no way would the U.S. plane land on Chinese soil after just knocking off one of their pilots. Not to mention there is a protocol to do anything to avoid capture! Of course, Wag The Dragon is just a not suppose to be real. Good thing, huh? Another weakness of the script is that there are many sub-plots but none take center stage. Remarkably, this does not seem to bother many in the audience. The sub-plots that never quite pan out include: 1) The most secret electronics surveillance system on the planet "accidentally" falls into the hands of the Chinese. This is addressed by a few in the media but does not become a big story. 2) The lives of 24 Americans may be in danger. Blame it on poor writing or acting, or both, but none of actors playing key White House or Congressional roles give convincing performances to support this premise. They mouth vague lines that include the word danger, without feeling or substance. 3) Is English language as hard for the Chinese to grasp as it is for Dubya? This may have been the strongest theme running throughout the teleplay. Much time was spent discussing word meanings and whether to use words like apologize, regret and sorry, and how they translate into Chinese. In the end, sorry--whether understood or meant--was deemed acceptable and the crew came home. Regardless of how well they liked the plot or performances, most critics agree that it played well both in China and the United States. They stress that “well” means as intended. Here are what other guests at the unofficial Wag The Dragon shindig had to say about it: "Had me on the edge of my seat. Really turned me on--in a respectable way, of course," giggled Kookie Robere of Dis Week. "Mabelous. Bush proobed why he is in the White House," muttered Thom Bokaw of GE Nightly Theatre. "Shoot-fire! Damn! I wanted to see us blow them red commies to hell!" exclaimed Darrell Jenkins of Corbett, Georgia. "What’s this sorry, crap? Worst flick I’ve seen since The Terminator played a knocked up guy-chick! This country is goin’ to hell in a hand basket!" Jenkins was one of several "average" Americans who were (thought to be) screened and invited to the gathering. After speaking with American Liberal, he vanished from the premises. "It is a good thing we are going to build up the military. It is just not safe for Americans to spy off the coast of China these days," Trent Lottodoodoo. "I really thought Dub was going to be nominated for Coup2K -- best actor, ya know. Lot better than his Poppy" mused country thespian and crooner Travis Tripp. Chuck Hesteria erupted, "I don’t think his performance was up to par. Just not as believable as in Coup2K. Now, as far as Best Producer, well, Herr Karl deserves it hands down. After all, he was shut out for Coup2K. That does not take away from the fact that his work behind the scenes garnered him the White House. But it is no Oscar! That’s something I have that he does not! And if he wants it, by God, he will have to pry it from my cold dead hands!" "Say what you will or will not about Mr. Dubya George Bush, but I know he is compassionate. Only a compassionate man would say I am sorry. Love means never having to say you are sorry. Saying it, well, saying it says it all! God bless America!" Georgiana W. Tush of Topeka, Kansas (another "average" American). "China chants anti-American and Americans can’t get enough of fine china," Dan Ranter waxed just before his head exploded. "Blockbuster! Americans are craving nostalgia. Haven’t had a good hostage crisis in a long awhile. Was a bit short, though. Could have been a few days longer. And not nearly enough suspense. The audience should not have known there were no casualties until the plane touched down on American soil. Keep ‘em guessing--would have really boosted ratings," Redux Smirkoch, owner Faux-News. "Not to worry, they’ll do better next month," Dick Melon Head Scag consoled coldly. "I’ll make damn sure of it." Wag The Dragon has played to mixed reviews, is likely to continue on and off the Beltway for some time, and several sequels are in the works (unofficially, of course). About the Author: S.L. McKay is a writer and social justice/civil rights advocate and activist . Degreed in Political Science with emphasis on Theory and Broadcast & Cinematic Arts, she has written and produced print, broadcast and web materials for businesses and nonprofits for nearly twenty years. |
| Wag the Dragon by S.L. McKay |