For
Family
and
Friends

          Do

Acknowledge they have lost a baby.  This loss is as real as lossing a parent or sibling.

Do call them, visit or send a card.

Do allow them to talk about their baby.  They may repeat the same thing over and over, just listen and talk with them about the baby.  Soemtimes the situation doesn't sink in until it has been verbalized.

Do recognize that their grief may take months or years.  Allow them time to grieve in their own time.  There will be good days and bad days.

Bring food, help with errands, housework or if there are other children offer to take them for awhile.  They are drained and sad, the simple activiies of daily life can seem overwhelming.

Do remember special dates, like the Due date, date of loss, Mothers Day, Fathers Day.

Do Remember Dad.  He may be so busy protecting mom he hasn't been able to grieve himself.

Express your own feelings about the loss. Let them know you are sad.

Remind them it is not their fault.

Most important, be there.  Listen and offer you love and support.

         Don't

Don't avoid them.  They are already sad and avoiding them will make them feel isolated and even sadder.

Don't say "This is natures way of correcting itself" or "God has his reasons"
or "Your can have another baby" or "You are blessed to have you other children"

Don't assume a loss at 5 weeks is easier then a loss at 18 weeks or 40 weeks.  A child is a child.

Don't pretend nothing happened.  They need
their pain acknowledged

Don't avoid mentioning the baby.  They want to talk about the baby.  It helps keep them  connected in a small way.

Dont rush them through their healing process.  They need time and love.

Don't say you know how they feel.  If you have been through a loss say you understand or can relate.

Again, Don't avoid them or avoid talking about their baby.

Don't expect them to be "over it" in just a few days.  They will need time to accept and heal.  Be available for them with love and support.


Bless each of you who care enough to try to help a parent through this time.

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