Personal
Experiences

My husband and I had tried to conceive for two years with no luck.  We tried in vitro fertilization and conceived the first time.  We got the wonderful news at three weeks.  We were thrilled and excited.  We began painting the nursery and making plans for our big day.  I have never been so happy.  I floated through my days, feeling a sense of wholeness knowing a life was growing inside me.  At six weeks I bega spotting.  My doctor said spotting is not always a bad sign so not to get to worried.  He ordered a blood test to check my HCG level and said to come back in two days to retest it.  The next day the spotting continued and the next day when I went to have more blood drawn it had gotten heavier.  By the time I went in the next day for the results, I knew what they would be.  Overnight I had begun cramping and passing clots.  My level was low and had decreased since the first day.  We scheduled a D&C for the next day.  I still can't believe the baby is gone.  I feel like I should still be pregnant, after all the heartbreak how could be be dealt this final cruel blow.  We will try again in three months, I just pray we never have to feel this kind of devastation again.  God Bless us all and our angels. 12-16-99

My fiance and I were shocked when we found out I was pregnant.  We are both in college and this was really bad timing.  But we had begun to adjust to the idea of having a  baby and were making plans about how we would handle a baby.  We had even begun telling people we were expecting.  I had my doubts sometimes but I was happy.  We don't have insurance so I hadn't seen a doctor yet, and on Monday I started bleeding and cramping.  I went to the school clinic and they said I was probaly miscarrying and sent me home.  I really began hurting that night so my fiance took me to the emergency room.  After several hours they decided I was miscarrying and did a D&C.  I know I had some reservations about having a baby, but I have this huge empty feeling now.  I wonder were my feelings so negative that this baby couldn't survive?  I am so sorry baby, despite what I said I do love you and would have loved to have you in my arms and life. Your Mom. 12-21-99

Me and my husband had planned our second child in August, 99.  I found out I was pregnant in September and my baby was due May 14, 2000.  Everything was perfect.  I went for my ultrasound at 18 weeks and found out I was having a little girl.  Two weeks passed and I started leaking a little fluid, but when I called the doctors office they said everything I was experiencing was normal.  Two days had passed and I figured I'd go in and visit the doctor just to put my mind at ease.  After seeing the doctor he said things did not look good, that I had dilated 2 cm.  They did another ultrasound on me and said that I might have enough fluid left in me to stitch me up so my child would not come so early.  Everything happened so fast after that, I was told to go directly to the hsoptial where they performed even more ultrasounds, but I could tell then by the tone of their voices that they didn't believe the minor surgery would work in saving my little girl.  I was adminstered antibiotics for the evening and prayed to God all night to please save my little girl.  The next morning I was informed that they would not be able to save her.  My daughter Aliyah was born a little over 20 weeks on December 30, 1999.  I will always remember hodling her precious little body in my arms for the last time.  I feel empty inside, I ache for her all over and I wish I could just wake up and this was all a nightmare.  But every morning when I awake and every night when I lay down, I know she is not going to be with me, in this lifetime anyway.  I just pray to God for strength and to get me through every moment without her.  I know she is in a good place and some things in life just can't be explained, but I will always miss her and I wish miracles could have happened and she was here in my arms healthy and breathing today.
12-30-99

My precious Hannah Elizabeth was born and died on December 29, 1998.  She was born without kidneys, a condition called Potter's Syndrome.  We found this out at a routine 20 weeks u/s and were told we had several options, one was an abortion, another was a second opinion.  We chose the second opinion.  However, it was the same as the first. We never gave up hope though.  Her room was ready and waiting for her to come hom to, though she never got to.  She was born at 37 weeks gestation and she lived for 3 short hours.  We got to hold and love on her for a little over an hour and she passed away peacefully in our arms.  We miss her so much and will never forget her.   12-29-98

I found out I was pregnant on Valentines Day.  the baby was due on Halloween.  This baby was just a cause for celebration.  This is our first baby and we were looking forward to our first prenatal appointment.  We went in I should have been 10 weeks.  The docotor said my uterus did not feel quite that large but that could be because this was our first baby.  We did an ultrasound and all they could find was an empty sac.  I wonder how could my baby have just stopped developing.  He or she was wanted and planned for.  We had a D&C the next day and will try again in 3 months.  I just wonder what would the baby have been like, who would he/she have looked like/?  So many question and so much pain.   March 31, 1999

If you would like to share your experience send your story to me at
Angelbaby11_98@yahoo.com

Personal
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