Poem: Watch
Author: Cotti
Rating: Pg for somewhat abbstract depression (not really, but it's kinda
dark)
Distribution: anywhere, take it if you want it.
Disclaimer: All the Buffy gang belong to Joss and his cohorts.
Feedback:Please!
For Inell, feel better, my basement buddy Steph, and all the girls upstairs,
we'll invite y'all down as soon as we get the place fixed up.
Watch…
I watched you,
Every day,
Every night,
Every moment
I loved you with my soul,
And I wanted you with my demon
Each day I knew I'd never have you,
But it didn't help.
Nothing helps.
I need you,
I need to watch over you,
I need you to need me….
Watch…
I watched as you watched her,
Wanted her,
Needed her,
I watched as she tamed you,
And found myself wanting to be tamed,
Wanting to stare into those green pools,
Have her stare up into mine and know me,
Know me for what I am,
Know me for what I was,
Know me for what I always will be,
And not be afraid.
How do you stand it?
Watching,
Waiting,
Yearning…
Watch…
Watch as they watch her,
My friend,
My confidante,
My rag doll.
I know what I do to her,
I wish I didn't,
I wish I had the strength to say
"I'm not her,
Not perfect like her,
But I love her."
I do, you know,
I love her with my whole soul.
Every moment of every day
I love her.
And still,
I hate her…
Watch…
Watch her,
She drifts,
Far away from everything,
Into new worlds of magic,
Into new worlds where I can't follow
All my life,
All her life,
I've followed her.
I don't know what I'll do now.
Now that she doesn't need me.
Now that I don't need her…
Watch…
Watch them all watch her.
They don't need me,
Only him,
He sees me,
He wants me,
He needs me,
Now that she's moved on.
Now that there's nothing left but memory.
Now that they forget him,
Like they forgot her…
Watch…
Watch them slip,
Away from each other,
Away from hope,
Away from me,
I was a father once,
But my prodigal children
Do not return home to me.
They are with my in body,
But not in spirit.
In spirit, they are all too far from reach for me.
Too far to help,
Too far to do anything,
Anything but watch…
Watch…
Watch them all.
So strange that one woman,
Beautiful, blonde, bewitching,
Could rule them with a word,
But one so small,
Tiny, like a porcelain doll,
Can hold them together,
Closer than anything,
But it's all falling apart.
Falling because she's drifting.
Away from everything,
And all anyone can do is
Watch…
Watch them watch me,
Watch them need me,
Watch them realize what they've lost,
Even before they know they've lost it.
C'est la vie, as they say,
They've watched me grow,
They've watched me learn,
They've watched me cry.
All they've done is watch.
All they've ever done is watch.
Well, they'll watch some more.
Maybe they'll notice.
Maybe they'll care.
Maybe not.
They can watch,
They can watch all they want.
They've done a good job so far.
Watch…
Watch them,
Walking around,
Living life,
Enjoying it.
They don't know my pain.
She stole him from me,
He loved me,
He told me so.
He treated me like a daughter,
He cared.
All of them all around me,
Laughing, smiling,
Oblivious to everything that's going on.
Going on inside of me.
They watch her.
They have for a long time.
I do too.
But not anymore.
No more watching,
No more waiting,
Time for action.
Time for play.
Time to let them watch something interesting.
Watch…
I know she's watching me.
I know what she wants.
I know that she knows,
She knows I'll give it to her.
She knows what I want.
They've watched long enough,
They watch me all the time.
They watched me rise,
And now…
Now they can watch me fall…
(
geocities.com/angelusette/fic) (
geocities.com/angelusette)