Series: The Science of Things
Title: My soul to keep
Rating: R
Author: Candy
Disclaimer: Not Mine Yet
Distribution: If you want
Summery: Part 3 in the The science of things series.The other 3 were POV but this isn't. Willow and Spike talk and Angelus admits some things
Spoilers: Fall of 2000 I also rewrite history
Note: Very Sad and depressing. Deals with the complications and darker side of living. Dedication: Wendy, and Angela!!
Feedback: I love you!!!
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Willow took a deep breath.
She was ready. She had never been more ready.
She closed her eyes letting the memories fly by as the tears started to flow.
"I can do this."
"No you can't."
Willow almost lost her footing as she turned to face the intruder of her last moments.
"I can do what ever I wanna do."
Spike smiled as his flicked his cigarette onto the ground.
"You won't do this though."
"Why not?"
Spike shrugged. He walked over to the edge of the old school roof. "You wouldn't die. You'd hit that pavement with a loud splat but you wouldn't die. You would also be halfway down and you would change your mind and start praying to your little Goddess to save you. But its too late for prayers."
Willow looked down confused. "I wouldn't....."
"Have time to think......" Spike finished her words. "Your mind is running pretty fast during that last breath."
She looked at him. "How do you know..... Oh of course. Killer, and all that."
Spike raised and eyebrow. "No, love. I've died before. Remember. You have to die to have eternal life."
Willow's pink lips shaped into a "O".
Spike looked back down the side of the building. "No, you might die." He looked up to see Willow's eyes on him. "I've heard you die of a heart attack before you hit the ground."
Willow put her hand over her heart, thinking she was too young to have one.
"I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna..." Willow took a deep breath, not sure if she should tell Angelus' favorite childe this.
"Don't wanna live?"
Willow looked at Spike. "Not forever."
Spike looked at her. "Spike," She said Green eyes on blue. "I don't wanna be like you. I saw just a glimpse of it, in not only my douplegangland, but in Angelus and in you. I don't wanna be like that."
Spike looked away only to look back at her eyes. "And what is it like to be me, Willow."
Willow flinched at his use of her name. Angelus always called her that when he was upset. Spike was known for being way too much like Angelus.
She closed her eyes tightly. Trying to fight the tears that were already coming. She briefly laughed at herself for thinking that stopping her tears now was like stopping a frate train with a stick.
After she gained her composure she opened her eyes to find Spike looking at her with the same distaste as when she closed them.
"Being what you are is like screaming as loud as you can, but not being able to hear it because of the deafening silence of your soul."
Spike crossed his arms not letting hie eyes leave hers.
Spike watched her as she closed her eyes again. She sighed, what she wished was her last sigh.
Suddenly he felt him. So did she.
Looking up he saw Angelus studying her with anger.
"Is that what its like to be me, Willow?"
Willow's heart dropped at the tone of his voice. His voice never betrayed is anger, yet she knew all to well he was mad at her.
Willow took in a deed pong breath, turned, and exhaled. It wasn't so much that she couldn't hold it, but the simple sight of him was like having her heart grabbed, kinda like they did in the "Frighteners". With out the dyeing part. But Willow wished she would.
Angelus cocked his head to the side, still studying her.
He slowly walked to her straighting his head. He placed his hand on her cheek, delighted to hear her moan at the touch.
Of all the times he brought her to ecstasy, time and time again, over and over. All the times he had made her yell out his name. All the times he made her get on her knees and beg for release. At that moment, Willow had never hated herself more.
It was simply his touch that made her heart stop, made her knees weak.
Willow didn't realize she was holding her breath until his voice came over her like the silken dresses he had her wear, being pulled off by his hands.
"Why do you not want to be with me forever, baby?"
Willow leaned into his touch little more.
A soft, small smile crossed her face and slowly disappeared. "Please no. Don't do this to me."
"Why, little one? You need me as much as I need you."
Her eyes started to burn from the tears she was holding back. "How its it possible."
"What possible love?" He took his other hand and brought it up to her chin causing her to open her eyes and look into his. She was mesmerized by his eyes as he spoke. "How is I possible that you can need someone so much yet not what them."
She became aware of the scorn in his voice.
Her lips trembled and she didn't know if she could get them to talk. Somehow she did. "I hate you so much because you are the only one I can love." Her voice broke the dam that was holding back her tears.
He chuckled at her bravery. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his body. He let his right hand play with her hair.
She briefly entertained the idea of braking away and running for the edge of the building. She knew she could break away. he wasn't holding her tightly. But she dismissed it knowing several things. First off, she could break her eyes away from his, or her body from his if she wanted to, and second, the way his body cause her to feel, she was sure she would fly instead of fall.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
Angelus laughed a laugh full of scorn. "What have *I* done to *YOU*?" The anger that raged in his body was uncontainable.
He tosed her body onto the ground like a rag doll. "What did I do to you, Willow?"
Spike who had remained silent flinched at Angelus tone. He as sure Willow was dead.
He smiled to himself.
[No Dru, No Willow. Just me and *my* Angelus.Don't get me wrong, Willow's great, but just me and my Angelus.]
"Maybe, Willow, the best question to ask, Willow, is what have *you* done to *me*. What have you done to me, Willow?"
"What??" Willow tried to stand up only to slip back down because of her shoe strings.
"What have you done to me." His voice was hard, but soon after the word were said his eyes softened on the girl. "Willow." His voice was slightly more desperate than he meant for himself to sound "I love you more than anything. I hate it. I need you. I wanted you with my soul." Angelus got down on his knees and pulled the girl back up with him as he got to his feet. "Willow, I love you."
Willow's breath was caught. She thought it was strange her heart was beating faster now that he was touching her than when she thought she was going to die.
"You love me?"
"I don't know how. I need you. You complete me." He placed his hand on her cheek. "When I am near you that emptiness is gone. I want you more than life."
Willow smiled at his words.
Spike just started to think of ways to break them up and get his Angelus back.
"Lets go home." Angelus turned to Spike, "The three of us." He knew his childe was jealous of his love for Willow. He knew it would be all to easy for Spike to fall in love for her as he had.
Willow had an innocence that could never be taken away. That's why he fell so in love with her.
Even as a Vampire she had that purity.
Turning back to his Willow he smiled softly.
"If only I had met you before Darla." he took Willow's hand and walked her off the roof. Willow knew it was an off handed comment but it made her wonder what it meant.
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