Written for the stop_drop_porn community on livejournal, home of all fandom
__________________________________________________
The Mini Bar
---------------------------
Ray was thinking about touch. Maggie had dropped them off at a motel so he could finally be near something that passed for civilisation and Fraser was taking a shower.
Ray had been driving her crazy, she said. He was jumping out of his skin. He knew what was up as soon as got in bed to sleep that first night. He should have slept like a baby. It wasn’t cold and he wasn’t on the ground, still, they hadn’t made any plans for AFTER this little rest period and Ben was paying much more attention to Maggie than he was to him. He knew they hadn’t seen anyone in a long time. And he knew that the siblings hadn’t even gotten to know each other yet but he also knew it could mean his window was closing.
He had been jonzing hard to touch Fraser ever since they had hit Maggie’s place with the dogs a week earlier. It was unsettling, if not unexpected.
He couldn’t take it much longer and he was doing a poor job of keeping his sentiments under wraps. He was resenting Maggie being in her own house, and had these insane thoughts about joining his partner in the bathroom because that room at least had a fucking lock, or fucking Fraser over the kitchen table if it were their place.
On their quest, Ray had often woken up with his partner’s arm around him. And it was freaking cold and they had a million layers of clothes but Ray knew how special it was. The Benton Fraser he knew had always seemed stiff, but he had always accepted his touch. They’d walk shoulder to shoulder, he’d put his arm around him, and they’d lean into each other like it was normal. We were buddies, he’d thought, he trusts me. Until he realised how much his partner didn’t accept other’s touch so easily.
He’d seen it again just now with Maggie. She’d hugged him, and he’d gone all uncomfortable and stiff. He’d smiled. He seemed pleased with it, but he wasn’t comfortable.
He wasn’t sure when it happened. Just because he didn’t think it was good for him to spend the rest of his life alone didn’t mean he was desperate. It meant he wanted love and family. You know? A place to belong. Just like he had his entire life.
When he got the undercover gig for Vecchio he had no idea what he was in for. Frankly, he was on the verge of quitting when he was requested by Welsh. And damnit! Could he refuse being wanted in any fashion in the situation he was in?
All he’d had left then was an ulcer and a turtle. And he wasn’t sure the turtle even liked him.
He still had the same wants and needs he always had, and figured he’d find a girl, make a play, fall for her and they’d be dancing in the kitchen while the munchkins destroyed their house… And he was a guy; he still had plenty of years to have kids. Pushing forty was nothing these days.
He wasn’t sure when it happened, when his abstract thoughts about having a family came to include Fraser, or when he admitted to himself that they included Fraser INSTEAD of a woman but happen it had.
He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t just need someone; he needed Fraser.
He also knew his partner needed him as much as he needed Fraser. He just couldn’t be sure that Ben needed HIM and not just SOMEONE.
He didn’t know when he stopped being uncomfortable with the idea that he wanted Benton Fraser for himself. His life was fucked up enough, and really, he did freak out there for a while. He was manic, he was uncomfortable, he was mad he couldn’t relax…What the hell was with his partner being in his thoughts like THAT!?? It was going to ruin his chances with women…
And then he almost took the transfer and faced a lifetime without Fraser and just accepted it. He thought he had tons of time left being Vecchio and he was going to take every second he could get as the gift they were, even the wildly bizarre life threatening ones.
Fraser just had to stick around until the jig was up he thought, and then they could figure it out. They’d never talked about what would happen when… he’d probably be all loyal to the shnoz and they’d have to part ways…. He’d been the replacement partner, after all.
Except he wasn’t. And he didn’t.
Fraser was so relaxed up North. He was so free. Ray had to admit he had never been close to that comfortable in Chicago. He was very surprised at how many times people who’d known him say they saw a big difference in the man. And Fraser had said that he was like that because of Ray… While Ray talked about cars and the wind and snow beat down upon them they’d gotten to the subject of Victoria and the fact that this is the first time he was truly feeling all right.
“You’re unhinged Fraser. This is the happiest you’ve been up here? In a tent with me and 10 stinky-ass sled dogs???”
They’d laughed. Fraser had tightened his grip on Ray in the dark, and they talked to try and drown out the deafening sound of the wind. Ray would have normally panicked or gotten mad but where had that ever gotten him? He was exactly where he wanted to be and this time he merely hoped their tent would hold up under the weight of the snow that was piling on top of it so that their adventure didn’t have to end.
He’d never felt more alive than he did on their trip. But he’d also never felt so fucking cold. They were covered head to toe at pretty much all times and it did help tame the flying hormone circus going on inside Ray. He could just enjoy his time with Fraser. Ray sort of liked the status quo but it was getting harder and harder not to cross any lines. Every time they were close Ray would wonder what would happen if he just leaned in a little more than usual. Because, really, Fraser was right there.
Every time there was a flash of skin (a hand, a neck) he’d get hard and start salivating. Wondered what touching that skin might feel like. They’d rarely done that. Touched skin. There was always some sort of buffer: a shirt, the serge, some gloves, some parka and sleeping bags... And he didn’t want to stop at touching. No, he didn’t and wouldn’t.
Fraser came out of the bathroom in a pair of red long johns. Luckily they weren’t the one piece and Ray could enjoy the look of Ben’s nicely developed chest. Fraser got under the sheets in the other bed. It physically hurt Ray to be this far away from him.
Ray knew he'd hit the point of no return. He was already sitting up.
“Do you ever miss it?” Ray asked.
“Miss what?” Ben responded, turning towards him.
“Touch?”
“Most of the time I want people to step back.”
“Really?”
“Yes, women mostly.”
“What about me?”
“What about you?”
“I touch you.”
“Well, I don’t know it’s not the same.”
“You know I haven’t touched anyone else’s skin in a non-accidental or non-hitting-someone-in-the-face way in a long time.”
“Um.. If you would like I could go back to Maggie’s so you may-“
Ray laughed, “When we got to Maggie’s last Sunday and you took your first shower you know what was one of the first things I thought when I saw you?”
“That I smelled better?”
“That too. Actually I though 'I want to run my fingers through his hair'.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Have you found the mini-bar, Ray?”
“I know it’s crazy alright. But I’m not comfortable with this 2-beds-we’re-all-buddies shit. All those mornings waking up with your arm around me… Fuck Frase, I want to do that again.”
Ben stared for a long time and peeled back the sheet to make room for Ray who got in slowly.
“What else did you think about?”
“I don’t want to scare you, Frase, but I want to do things with you I can’t even name.”
The heat in his eyes was evident, and Fraser closed his. Ray's cock straining against the fabric of his boxers.
Fraser was right there, so close.
“I don’t know if I can… I don’t know how this works Ray.”
Ray took a few deep breaths and dimmed the light on the nightstand to give him the time to gather himself. “I want to touch you, with my hands, alright? I need it. I'm gonna touch you, okay?” He asked, not waiting for an answer. “Tell me if it’s too much.”
Fingers brushed back his hair.
“Relax Fraser. Take a deep breath. It’s me.”
The touch was electric, and warm and not at all calming. Still Fraser responded: “You’re right.”
The hand went from Ben’s hair to his neck, thumb brushing over the ear. Over the broad shoulders.
“See? Nothing to worry about,” he smiled when Fraser opened his eyes.
Ray’s hands went over his upper back. Down, then back up.
Over an arm. To his hand to unclench the fist.
Ben’s eyes got wide and Ray looked on with tenderness as his partner turned away. Ray spooned up behind him.
“You want me to stop?” Ray asked while joining their fingers together and squeezing.
“No.”
Ray let go of the breath he was holding and buried his face in the other man’s neck. He breathed in next to ear. “How are you doing, Frase.”
“I don’t know.”
Ray’s hand went down his front, over the pectorals to the flat stomach, accidentally brushing a nipple on the way down. Fraser tensed at that.
Ray did the same thing again a few times, revelling in the feeling of the toned skin under his calloused finders and the slight jumping Ben was doing every time he’d brush up against a hard nipple.
“You doing that because you like it or because you don’t like it?”
“I… I can’t say,” Fraser said, but he arched into Ray’s touch and moaned the next time it happenned.
“Ummm. I like it Frase. I need it.” He said as his hand kept traveling down. He found his target and sure enough Fraser liked his touching quite a lot. Ray grabbed the large cock and squeezed, moaning in his partner’s neck.
“Ray,” he pleaded, thrusting into the warm hand.
And Ray got up.
“Don’t move.”
And he stripped.
And he got in behind Fraser and pressed his aching erection up against Fraser’s backside. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his neck, breathing in is clean scent.
“I love you, you know that right?”
“Yes.”
“Turn around.”
And Fraser did, and he was looking uneasy and licking his lip and furrowing his brow.
“Hi Frase.”
“Hi Ray,” he replied, softening.
Ray leaned in for a kiss then but Fraser backed off quickly to look him in the eye.
“Are you leaving?”
“Does this look like leaving to you?” Ray questioned.
“Yes.”
“Huh?”
But Fraser didn't answer that well worded query. He didn’t say that he almost only saw his parents hug before his father left, that that same father only patted him on the head or hugged him when he was leaving. He didn’t say his grandparents only touched him when it was absolutely necessary and that Victoria… well, she was never going to stay…
Ray read it in his face. He was scared.
Ray wanted to say all these things that would have normally made his divorced-ass want to heave. “Fraser, I can live without you, and it would be a sad and miserable existence. I don’t want to live without you ever. Ever. I don’t want you get a job anywhere I can’t go. I don’t want you to have your own place. I don’t want you to get married or have kids, unless you would consider adoption… I want you to be here with me.” But he didn’t of course. He couldn’t, it was too soon.
“I’m not leaving you,” he vowed instead. He inched in and kissed his partner. Fraser hardly moved, kept his mouth slack and his eyes closed. Ray took what he wanted. Slow, wet kisses. He moaned and started moving his hands down Fraser’s back.
When Ben looked at Ray there was a sparkle in his eyes he hadn’t seen very often.
“I’m going to touch you too Ray,” he said. He brought his body up close to his partners and finally put his hands around his back.
Their second kiss was dirtier, and both were moaning into it loudly. Ray’s hand trailed down to Ben’s round ass and squeezed, bringing their groins together. Ben started pushing at his long johns and Ray helped by hooking his foot into it and pushing down.
Ben’s big hand came down to push both their cocks together and their mouths fused once more. Ray’s hands we helping Ben grind against him just so. They were still a duet, and boy did they have the right rhythm going… “Ah, fuck Ben. Fuck. I’ve been dreaming about this. About you. Oh Christ.”
“I didn’t understand. I was confused.”
“Put your leg around me.” Ray asked, and that changed the angle.
“Oh Ray! Oh, harder. I can’t believe… We could have been doing this?”
“We’re fucking morons.”
“Guess so,” he agreed.
Ray pushed Fraser onto his back and held his hands over his head. He stared down at Ben’s body as they were both panting.
“You’re so fucking beautiful like this. My God.” “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Me neither,” Ray admitted, smiling and licking his lips.
“Put your mouth on me, Ray?”
And Ray kissed him because holy fucking hell that was hot coming from Fraser. And he slid down his body. It was a little bizarre because the cock was big and uncut and it wasn’t his but he wanted to do this. All of this. He wanted to make Fraser scream.
So he licked up the underside and wet the tip. His partner was already arching up in his bed and gripping the sheets. He wondered if anyone had ever done this to him.
Ray held Fraser’s hips down and took as much as he could in. The foreskin peeled itself back as he sucked at the top a little. His mouth went up and down and up and down and Fraser kept his eyes shut and his head thrown back.
Ray manoeuvred Ben’s legs up so he could get better access and fondled his balls while kissing and biting along his thighs and hips. He took the hard shaft in his mouth again.
“Yes Ray. Oh please Ray. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
He could come just form hearing Ben. He licked one of his fingers and pressed into Fraser’s opening. Fraser tensed for a moment and Ray scooted up to kiss him and talk to him.
“I’m going to do this with my cock one day soon Ben, and I want you to do me. I want you to be inside me, you know?”
Fraser wailed when Ray hit his prostate.
“Can you imagine how good it’s going to be? All tight, all slick and warm. Fuck, I can’t wait.”
Ray kissed him with much passion, pumping his finger in and out. He added another finger.
“I fucking love you, Fraser,” he said between kisses. “I’m never letting you go. I want all of you. And when we get a kitchen table, I really want us to fuck on it.”
Fraser flipped them over then and put his hand on Ray's jaw almost harshly. His eyes were wild. "My turn," he said, before going down on Ray. Ray could only thank the gods his partner had such an oral fixation and try and not rip the sheets.
They made each other scream all night and Mrs Richards next door even wrote up a formal complaint.
