Father Murphy was priest in a poor parish.  He asked for suggestions as to how to raise money for his church.  He was told that horse owners had money.  So he went to a horse auction, but he made a very poor buy, as the horse turned out to be a donkey. However, he thought he might as well enter the donkey in a race.  The donkey came in third, and the next morning the headlines in the tabloid read

FATHER MURPHY'S ASS SHOWS

The Archbishop saw the tabloid and was very displeased. The next day the donkey came in first and headlines read:

FATHER MURPHY'S ASS  OUT  IN  FRONT

The Archbishop was up in arms and figured something had to be done. Father Murphy had entered the donkey for the third time, and it came in second. Now the headlines read:

FATHER  MURPHY'S  ASS  BACK  IN  PLACE

The Archbishop thought this was too much.  So he forbade the priest to enter the donkey the next day, which inspired the editor to write:

ARCHBISHOP  SCRATCHES  FATHER  MURPHY'S  ASS

When the Archbishop read this, he ordered Father Murphy to get rid of the donkey.  He was unable to sell it, so he gave it to Sister Agatha for a pet.  Now the headlines read:

NUN  OWNS  BEST  ASS  IN  TOWN

The Archbishop read this, and he immediately ordered Sister Agatha to dispose of the animal. She sold it for ten dollars.  Next day the headlines read:

SISTER AGATHA  PEDDLES  HER  ASS  FOR  TEN  DOLLARS

They buried the Archbishop three days later.