SPAM HAIKUS

Grotesque pinkish mass

in a blue can on a shelf

quivering alone

  Like some spongy rock,

  a granite, my piece of spam

  in sunlight on my plate

    Oh Argentina!

    Your little tin of meat soars

    above the pampas

      The color of Spam

      is natural as the sky;

      a block of sunrise

        Little slab of meat

        in a wash of clear jelly;

        now I heat the pan

          Oh tin of pink meat

          I ponder what you may be;

          snout or ear or feet?

            In the cool morning

            I fry up a slab of Spam.

            A dog barks next door.

              Pink tender morsel,

              glistening with salty gel.

              What the hell is it?

                Ears, snouts and innards,

                a homogeneous mass.

                Pass another slice.

                  Cube of cold pinkness

                  yellow specks of porcine fat.

                  Give me a spork please.

                    Old man seeks doctor.

                    "I eat SPAM daily," he says.

                    Angioplasty.

                      Highly unnatural,

                      The tortured shape of this "food."

                      A small pink coffin.

                        Slicing your sweet self

                        salivating in suspense

                        Sizzle, sizzle...Spam.

                          Wedding catered by

                          Hormel.  Reception marred by

                          Sudden illnesses

                            Pink beefy temptress

                            I can no longer remain

                            vegetarian.

                              What is more awful

                              Than the sound of squishing Spam?

                    A Kenny G tune.

                                Hannibal Lecter

                                eats livers, but no pig snouts.

                                Silence of the Spams.