Another Tale

 

Note: Set during A Winter’s Tale and part of Four Stories. Joey’s and Pacey’s feelings during the weekend when they discover more than a fireplace to keep them warm in a cold winter’s night.

 

Joey’s POV

 

I shift again, trying to find a comfortable position to get some sleep, but no such luck. My eyes refuse to close, guilty washing over me. What the hell is wrong with me by the way? I have a gorgeous boyfriend sleeping with his back turned to me. I have a fireplace, snow falling outside, creating a dreamy romantic atmosphere, and I’m fighting against the tears burning my eyes.

 

Everybody says senior trips are made to get drunk and have sex. Right now, I’m really far from both. I might even end this trip without Pacey, because, right now, I’m wondering how much more of my shit he’s going to put up with.

 

He even agreed with me that this weekend didn’t need to be about sex. However, it’s really hard to forget it when we’re together in a restricted area, with this never ending tension between us. When every hormone crazy teenager in our class talks about it. Or when Drue forced me to face that every guy carries a condom in their wallets. Even Pacey.

 

We walked in silence back to the lodge. He even tried to explain why he had that condom, that it wasn’t like he was expecting sex of me, but I opted for the adult behavior, silence treatment. Tired of waiting for a blow, anything, he went to bed, and I followed soon. How could two people sleeping on the same bed be so distant? I remember another night spent like that, and realization struck me. Once again, all my heart wanted was at my reach, and my head was fighting against my heart. My eternal conflict. Suddenly, I feel so tired of fighting.

 

I know he’s not sleeping; I have fallen asleep by his side enough times to know how his breath evens when he’s asleep. How his relaxed features made me countless times spend the night just looking at him.

 

“Pacey?” I whisper, turning around to face his back. “Are you awake?”

 

“Now I am,” he lies in a sad voice.

 

“Hey, Pace? You can be upset. You can be angry, you earned that.”

 

“Jo, I’m not angry with you.” He turns around and now we’re facing each other.

 

“You are, you have every right to be. You don’t have to be perfect all the time. And I acted like a brat.”

 

He smiles, taking me in his arms, kissing lightly my forehead.

 

“That you did, Josephine.” He kisses me, telling me without words how much he loves me; he wants me, no matter how long he has to wait.

 

His love surrounds me, vanishing all my conflicts. All doubts and fears. This is where I want to be. There’s no more waiting. I slid my body against his, moving up, so we’re now eye level.

 

“I’m so tired of fighting, Pace,” I say in a shaky voice.

 

“Me too, Jo.” He caresses my arm softly.

 

“I didn’t mean only this kind of fighting, Pace.” He looks at me intrigued, trying to decipher my words.

 

“What kind of fight are you talking?”

 

“I’m tired of fighting against my heart.” I move closer, pressuring my body against his.

 

“Jo, you really shouldn’t,” he starts, but I interrupt him with a kiss.

 

“I want you, Pacey. All parts of me want you,” I whisper, feeling a shiver of anticipation.

 

He looks at me astonished, the realization of what I said taking ages to sink in.

 

“If this was about…,” he whispers.

 

“Pacey… this is about how you carried my bag off the bus. This is how when we go to the movies and you go and you buy popcorn, you always be sure you bring back a napkin so I don't wipe all the grease on my jeans. And this is about how just last week when we were at miniature golf you took all of the shots first so I would know the correct path.”

 

 “Well, that's just…,” he clears his throat, when he feels my hands at the waistband of his pajamas bottoms, taking his wife beater off.

 

“You taught me how to drive. And last year at prom, you knew that the bracelet I was wearing was my mom's. You kissed me first sweetheart. The second time you counted to 10 before doing it again, just in case I wanted to stop you. You bought me a wall.” I swallow, while I trace the contours of his chest.

 

“I didn't buy it so much…” His voice is unsteady, almost as nervous as I am.

 

“We were alone on a boat for three months and you understood without a word why I wasn't ready. Do you have to ask me now why I am?” I take my own top off, his eyes never leaving me. “Pace? I'm gonna count to 10… and then I'm going to start kissing you. If you don't want me to… you're just going to have to stop me.” He stares me with so much love, passion in his eyes. “Ten, my love.”

 

Our mouths meet with fervor, his hands roaming over my body, knowing that this time there won’t be any interruptions. The remaining clothes were tossed over the room, his eyes searches mine, waiting for any sign that I’m gonna stop him. I shiver when I feel his body over mine, skin on skin, his mouth claiming mine. He raises his head, brushing my hair away from my face, making me feel safe, like no matter what could happen he would be there for me.

 

All rational thoughts leave me when he takes me, despite the pain; all I can feel now is his love, and how this act connects not only our bodies, but our hearts, our souls. I hear Pacey whispering soothing words, sweet nothings of love, but I can’t say a word, I can only feel the moment, the sheer perfection of this moment between us. I said he didn’t have to be perfect, but he already is.

 

We fall asleep between kisses and promises of love, clinging on each other for dear life. The most peaceful sleep of my whole life.

 

Pacey’s POV

 

I lay awake, not quite believing on what happened. I touch her face, being careful to not to wake her, noticing how beautiful she looks. Correction, she’s always beautiful, but now? She’s glowing. People talk about the whole after sex glow, but these people haven’t seen Joey. She looks like an angel fallen from heaven straight to my arms.

 

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for this to happen. I am head over heels in love with this girl, this woman, sleeping in my arms, and sharing this new level of intimacy has been my recurrent fantasy since we got together. And I never wanted to pressure her on doing anything out of guilty, or without being ready to do it. And so we waited. The more we waited, more my fears grew. Fear that she had fantasized this happening with our dear friend Dawson Leery so many times that now she would never want me. That there was a big part of her heart still wrapped around her feelings for Dawson, making her never ready for it. Even worse, that she would regret doing it. This last fear is killing me right now; making me dread the moment she will wake up. I’m not sure if I could handle rejection now; see her eyes full of sorrow for following an impulse.

 

She opens her eyes, a shy smile on her lips. I can’t help grinning, but when she hides her face on my chest sighing, my worst fears surface, making me frown and my whole body tense, until I hear her sweet voice.

 

“Pace? What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” I lie, my fingers barely touching her hair. How can I put in words how scared I am of what she’s going to say at daylight?

 

“You’re a really bad liar.” She raises her head, her deep brown eyes sparkling. “Your heart is racing, and you can’t deny how tense you are right now. I feel it,” She’s serious, but I see a glint of tease in her eyes.

 

“I…” I mumble, trying to think about something clever to reply.

 

“You thought I regretted last night, didn’t you?” She chuckles, sounding embarrassed. “I’m feeling a little bit shy and insecure, but I’m glad I had sex, Pace. I’m really glad I had sex with you.” She presses her lips against my shoulder, and I can’t tell how relieved I am. How happy I am that the clouds that have been haunting us the past weeks seem gone. I lift her chin to look into her eyes again, seeing nothing but love and happiness there.

 

“You don’t have to be shy around here, Josephine. Nor insecure.”

 

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe I might be wondering how I measure up? How I fit into the picture that includes not only one, but two prior sexual relationships, both of which meant a great deal to you.…”

 

“And none of them can be compared to how I felt with you. I have no words to describe how fantastic it was. You were every glowing adjective under the sun. I would run out and tell the entire world what I did last night and who I did it with.” She blushes, her smile making me melt. “And I have no words to tell how beautiful you look this morning.”

 

“You're easy because I didn't even get a chance to shower this morning.,” she blushes, brushing her lips against mine.

 

“Ooh, apparently you didn't get a chance to brush your teeth, either,” I tease her.

 

“This from the morning breath monster himself?” she slaps my chest laughing.

 

“Aw, man, I can do this,” I roll us on the bed, both laughing.

 

“What?” Joey kisses my neck, biting softly my earlobe.

 

“This. The back and forth. The sweetness and the sarcasm. I could do this for the rest of my life, you know? With you as my partner in reference.”

 

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're just the first of many, Pace?”

 

“Oh. Well in that case I guess I just have to be satisfied with being the Neil Armstrong of the bunch.”

 

Joey kisses me, the world starts to spin faster and I know I have to stop her because the only protection I had with me had already been used. But how good she tastes…she feels. We break the kiss breathless, but we’re not able to break the spell that makes us stare at each other. I have to think about anything to keep me far from her. At least until I go to the closest convenience store and buy more condoms.

 

“Typically when couples engage in the sort of activity that we engaged in last night, there's some sort of morning after discussion,” I start, resting my head on my hand, lying beside her.

 

“About what?”

 

“A bit like a post game wrap up.”

 

“I see. You wanna know if you're any good,” she’s fighting a smile.

 

“Well, I'd really rather know if it was good for you.”

 

“Of course. You being Pacey Witter, friend to women and all.”

 

“Precisely.”

 

“It was very nice,” she shrugs.

 

“Nice?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Just nice, huh?’

 

“What's wrong with nice?”

 

“Nothing wrong with nice. Nothing wrong with great, either. Hell, there's nothing particularly offensive about mind blowing or transcendent.’

 

“Sorry, Pace, I left my thesaurus at home. I didn't know I was going to need it for this post coital business.”

 

“You could simplify that by pillow talk, you know?” I tease her. “But I still think that you could elaborate on nice.”

 

“You know, maybe nice means everything to me, Pacey. Maybe nice is all a girl can manage the morning after her first time. Because as you know, it's not something I've ever experienced before so I can't really sit here and honestly say that something is great or mind blowing or transcendent if I have nothing to compare it to,” she tells me serious.

 

I feel like a jerk, I know how Joey is unsure of herself, so many insecurities on the back of her mind, brought by all the years Dawson ignored her, refusing to see the wonderful woman she was turning to.

 

“I’m sorry, Jo. I’m a dumb ass,” I kiss her softly.

 

“Nothing new for me,” she winks. “But we have a way to get to an agreement.”

 

“We do?” I ask, trying to ignore the fact that she’s pressing her body, her very naked body against mine.

 

“I’ve been told that the second time is much better than the first.” Her hands touch me in a way that leaves no doubt on her intentions. God help me.

 

“Jo…I had only that condom,” I tell her repressing a moan.

 

“Good thing my sister made me bring a box just in case we give into temptation then,” she winks slyly. “Because I really want to have more information before elaborating that nice thing.”

 

My first thought is call Bessie to thank her. But that was quickly replaced by other ideas, when I feel Joey’s lips on my throat and her hands wandering, her half lidded eyes with desire, that make me stop for a second just to look at her.

 

“Pacey? Are you there?” she asks me impatiently.

 

“I’m just thanking God for being so good to me.”

 

“You shouldn’t be thanking God. Not yet.” She pulls me closer and my last coherent thought is, “I created a monster”. But who’s complaining?

 

Joey’s POV

 

I hate Monday mornings. After the dream weekend I had at that ski lodge, having to be paying attention to boring classes is not easy. Not when what I really want is drag Pacey anywhere we can keep doing what I bet is going to be our favorite pastime now. I ignore the fact that the entire senior class knows what kept us so busy the whole weekend, courtesy of the devil’s spawn. Despite the embarrassment, I smile, remembering how he found out. We were at the lodge’s convenience store, buying more supplies for the weekend, and Drue caught Pacey buying the previous mentioned supplies. Soon the rumors started. Nevertheless, we found a better way to face them. Hiding in our cabin.

 

I can’t believe how sweet Pacey can be sometimes. My cheeks are going to hurt, because it seems I can’t stop smiling when I remember each little thing that makes him…Pacey.

 

I’m looking at some magazines, wondering what is taking Pacey so long to buy condoms. Is that rocket science? He taps my shoulder and when I turn around he has his hands closed.

 

“Pick one.” I pick his right hand. He points to his left “Pick the other one.” Pacey opens his hand and inside are a couple pink foil wrapped chocolate hearts “I know it's not the most equal of exchanges, you know, virginity for chocolate hearts, but I thought I should get you something. Just to commemorate the event.”

 

“Wow, if I would have known there were prizes involved, I would have asked for a car…Nothing too expensive, just, you know, something to tool around in.”

 

“How 'bout the Witter Wagoneer?” He embraces me.

 

“The Witter Wagoneer? Do I look like some two bit floozy to you?”

 

“No. Actually I never saw you look so beautiful.”

 

“Are the rumors true, Joey?” Dawson’s voice wakes me form my daydream.

 

“What rumors, Dawson?” I play the innocent card. I know that the real answer will hurt him, hell, reality hurts him.

 

“You know what I’m talking about, Joey.” I see in his eyes he’s not thrilled with the possibility.

 

“It’s not a rumor, Dawson, it’s the truth.” I can’t hide the truth from him, even if it hurts him.

 

“But how could you?” He whines and all I see is not my friend Dawson Leery. I see a spoiled brat that scripted his life and his friends’ life in his fantasy world. And I realized that what torn us apart wasn’t my need to be myself or my love for Pacey. It was the need to live in a real world. To live and feel alive. Dawson would always live in a fantasy world, while Pacey would always be the big scary real world.

 

“Easy, Dawson. I love him and he loves me. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

“Really? What do you think he’s going to do now that he got what he wanted?”

 

For a moment, I feel sorry for him. He’s going to suffer so many disappointments in this life because life is not always like we dreamt.

 

“Dawson, I think you should stop right there. Because whatever happens from now on, I will be eternally glad when I think about my first time, and I refuse to let you spoil it. Or make me feel guilty about it” I walk away, leaving him with jaw dropped, he certainly wasn’t expecting for an answer like that, but I feel so much stronger now.

 

“Are you ok, Jo?” Pacey asks me, circling my waist, concern in his blue eyes. Obviously, he had seen me talking with Dawson.

 

“Not so much.” I lean forward kissing him. “But it’s Dawson who has a problem, not me. And besides I know a way to make me feel much better.”

 

“You do?” He raises his brows.

 

“What do you say? You, me, the boiler room right now?”

 

“Josephine Potter! I’m shocked. You are proposing an illicit sexual encounter with your boyfriend on school grounds, no less. Naughty girl,” he laughs, his eyes sparkling at the thought.

 

“What can I say?” I shrug, dragging him to said boiler room. “You created a monster.”