Hope…All I Ever Needed

 

Note: It’s another point of view on events from Coming Back to Life. Pacey’s POV altering with Joey’s (in italics).

 

I don’t know what I’m doing, standing here in front of her door. It’s been a long time since I last saw her. As far as I know, she might even be getting married next week, but I’m still here, holding on to a hope. A hope on a promise made at an emotional time that kept me going on.

 

I remember the last time we were together, when she told me she didn’t feel it. I knew she had lied, her lips were trembling, and she was avoiding my eyes. But what I saw in her eyes hurt me more than anything. She was scared, afraid of me and all I represented. And back then I was wearing my big man Witter. Just to be back at my usual loser Witter few weeks later. All I had done until that point was to try to make myself someone worthy of her. ‘I don’t feel it’ killed that part of me. The only thing that kept me going was hope.

 

I wish I knew what to say. A simple ‘hey, Potter, sail away with me’ doesn’t seem appropriate. ‘Jo, do you remember that hypothetically speaking thing about a boat? Guess what? I have a boat’ doesn’t sound good either.

 

That summer after I lost my job, Joey went to Paris. By the time she was back to school, I had gone. I went to Florida, just because it reminded of the happiest period in my life. My summer with her.  I had my share of women, but all I could see were her eyes. Haunting me. Got drunk more than once, trying to find comfort, only to reaffirm that the only thing I ever needed was her. I breathe deeply, mustering courage to knock on her door. Once again, I’m putting my heart on line, right in her hands. And then I freeze when I realize she’s standing in front of me.

 

I see him standing in front of my door, bouncing on his feet, in a deep conversation with himself. My heart beats fast, coming back to life. Three long years without seeing him, and he still has this effect on me. When I came back from Paris, he was the first person I looked for. Being there, all by myself, made me realize that the only thing I ever needed in my life was that man standing in front of me, and all I ever did was take him for granted. He freezes when he sees me, but his eyes…ah, his deep blue eyes, they tell me all I need to know. Between us, there’s neither time nor space. Just our hearts.

 

“I don’t know where to start here, Jo,” he mumbles, getting closer to me.

 

“The beginning usually helps,” I say, stepping even closer, trying to hold back my tears, because his eyes are telling me so many wonderful things, that I can barely breathe.

 

“I, hmmm, I have a boat,” he whispers, trying to read me. I jump into his arms, thanking whatever forces gave him this never-ending ability to love me and forgive me. Pacey kisses away my tears, we laugh and cry and kiss, making up for all the time we lost. He pushes me apart for a moment, looking at me, as if he was memorizing my traces all over again.

 

“Sail away with me, honey,” he whispers in my ear.

 

“You wouldn’t have to ask, Pace.”

 

I have her again in my arms, smiling in a way that only she can, the way that warms my heart and makes my knees weak. My hopes and dreams…All I ever needed.

 

 

 

Sail Away - David Gray

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now