Through the rain to get to you
Note:
Written on Joey’s POV. Future fic. No happy ending,
consider yourself warned.
Her cell phone rang, claiming for attention. His words, said in a shaky voice,
told her all she needed to know.
An accident. Two little words with
too much meaning behind them.
“Stop pulling my hair!”
“It was an accident.”
“It will happen where you last expect it.”
That was not supposed to happen today. Today would be one of those memorable
happy days. She had so many of them lately that she didn’t
even remember how the sad ones were.
“I...I don’t know what to say here, to make you feel better.”
“Just shut your mouth up and sit here with me.” A thirteen year old version of herself replied in her memory.
But now they were coming into her memory while she
drove through the rain, silently praying that this was one of those bad dreams.
Soon she would wake up; his arms around her waist, making her feel better. Feel
alive.
“This morning, your arm brushed against me and I felt it.”
“How did it feel?”
“It made me feel alive.”
They grew up together. Sworn enemies, but always there for
each other.
“Why did it have to be you to see me like this?”
“It’s a new year. Who knows? We might even become friends.”
The friendship turned into something else as they grew
closer. Something that took all of their young hearts.
“I know how I feel. You know how I feel, that’s
pretty obvious by now. The question is how do you feel?”
“If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you, than we wouldn’t be
standing here having this conversation.”
“Ten”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
“You think or you know?”
“Maybe things like this just come tumbling out of my
mouth because I happen to be head over heels in love with you. But the really
scary thing is, I think that they're true.”
“We were alone on a boat for three months and you understood without a word why
I wasn't ready. Do you have to ask me now why I am? I'm
gonna count to ten… and then I'm going to start kissing you. If you don't want
me to… you're just going to have to stop me.”
And then everything fell apart. Her insecurities, her
fears took all over her, making him doubt what they had created, their love.
With just one word she ruined it all.
“No.”
If she listened to her heart then, not to her stupid head, so many happy
moments would have happened. If she had not been selfish, insecure, they would
have lived their dream for much longer. With less pain and
loneliness.
“You make me feel like I’m nothing.”
And he left her, struggling to have his heart back,
breaking hers on the process. But he came back and,
although he made no signs of showing it, his heart never gave up on her, on
them. He stayed around. He became again her friend and confident.
“What you said earlier was right. I never did. How could I? Just look at
you.”
“Wanting to kiss you? No. It's sort of always there...
like...white noise, or... the secret service or the threat of nuclear war, for
that matter. Just somethin' you get used to.”
“I wouldn't have been able to concentrate because every time you're five feet
away from me or twenty-five feet away from me, for that matter... there's
really only one thing that I want to do.”
And again she made the wrong choice. She got scared,
caught the easy way. She could get hurt again. Her heart wouldn’t
bear a second time. She ran away. Lied to him and, worse of all, lied to herself.
“I don’t feel it.”
Years passed. They never talked about those days again. And
she had to go through an expected loss of a friend, to finally come into terms with
what she needed in her life. What she lacked to be truly
happy. His heart.
“Maybe I can help. What if I demand that you make that
decision? No more running. I'm
going to make it my dying wish. My death will serve a greater purpose. It's
your ultimate motivator.”
“I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with
you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on
sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives is just that the simple act
of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.”
“You know, for the record, I don't want to be let off the hook. Because
everything in my life that I've done has led me here... right now, and the last
thing I want, need, or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook.”
“Please don't miss my point here 'cause…”
“And don't miss mine. I love you. You know that. And
it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it,
never ready for it.”
And after the stormy days and the pain, they could
finally be happy, in peace with themselves. They would fight over silly things,
but would always hold onto each other every night. They would laugh and cry
together. Until tonight.
She shook her head; trying to push away the bad feelings…everything was all
right. She hated driving in the rain; she hated the darkness surrounding her, as
if the entire world was sad, crying. She passed through the same point where
everything started so many years ago.
“Don’t you ever get tired of talking? Cause I get tired of talking.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t wanna talk anymore.”
She smiled. She was being silly over this. Nothing bad happened. He would be
there, waiting for her, wiping her tears of relief, telling her that it was
nothing; she didn’t need to worry so much.
She parked her at the hospital’s lot, shivering. She hated
hospitals, nothing good came from hospitals. Again she fought the weird feelings she was having. Maybe
her hormones were starting to kick in, she thought, softly rubbing her stomach.
Everything was fine, they had to be.
“I’d really like to look into our future.”
And that’s what she had growing within her. Her future. Their future. Promises of hope and happiness. She walked through the white
corridors, just to see her brother –in- law’s desperate face.
By the looks in his teary eyes she knew it. She had no
more future.
Her true love was dead.
Pacey Witter is dead.
No more pancakes and kisses in the morning.
No more silly grins and blue eyes shining.
Pace…dead.
Dead.
Dead.
“No!”
“I remember everything.”
Learn To Say
Goodbye. by Dusty Springfield
(Hugo Montenegro / Bradford Craig)
When I close my eyes I can see your face
Tho' I try I can't believe that you are gone
There's a part of you that's a part of me
And no matter where I go it comes along
Reminding me of all the good times
And, of course, some of the bad
But then again, some of those hard times
Were the best we ever had
How can I learn to say goodbye
To the only life I ever knew?
Learn to say goodbye to you?
How can I learn to say goodbye?
Tell me - how do you expect me to
Say goodbye to you?
When I needed you, you were always there
You were more than love to me, you were a friend
They say that time is all that matters
And to live it while it lasts
But I can't stop from reminiscing
Or stop living in the past
How can I learn to say goodbye
To the only life I ever knew?
Learn to say goodbye to you?
How can I learn to say goodbye?
Tell me - how do you expect me to
Say goodbye to you?
How can I learn to say goodbye
To the only life I ever knew?
Say goodbye to you?
How can I learn to say goodbye?
Tell me - how do you expect me to
Say goodbye to you?