9 february 2001

writing is extremely difficult. it requires practice, skill, focus, and creativity. i'm actually quite tired right now so i'm just going to ramble today. and perhap i make some sense. never live paycheck by paycheck. it is quite a unfortunate situation. sigh. damn spain and the shopping at zara (a spanish clothing store). today i attended a really amazing resume workshop. if you ever need help, i'll will be more than willing to help. thinking of that, i need to reformat my crappy looking resume. the workshop actually pointed out a very harsh but true fact in the business world. within four minutes of an interview, they already decided if they want to hire you. god damn, your future is dependent on four short minutes. all i can say is be prepared and be yourself. i'll make sure i remember that three years from now when i graduate... or maybe two years, should i graduate early? how important is honesty? along withe the workshop, we got a lecture on honesty. ironically, i unethically allowed the university cafeteria to undercharge me 1.75 dollars for ice cream. my excuse, new york university rips me off anyway. what else did the professor say, "college is where you make the best of friends." how true is that statement. as of right now, i'm open-minded yet skeptical. maybe because i had so many more than super duper friends back home that i just became what furbie would say too high maintenance. need to reflect on that issue. but not now. too tired to think. WARNING, if you are HEMANT OR JOHN RHEE, STOP READING! I met my writing workshop one teacher, michelle dent. I had a really good conversation with her. basically we just asked how each other were doing. and i realized that outside the teaching environment she is a really friendly, sociable person that i totally wouldn't mind hanging out with. she offered to help me to conference my essays for writing workshop two but i had work during her office hours. actually, i was quite hesistant because i don't think the two of us mesh well under the situation of academics. shit. i am really bad with name. i made conversation with this really nice senior girl in the social work department that is going to columbia for graduate school i think it is kate but i doubt it! seriously, people should try to strike conversation with a random person each day or each week. you will be quite surprised how fun or rewarding it is. ps: janet, i tried to get a puppy picture but my picture search engine was not working. i'll try tomorrow. =)

8 february 2001

happy birthday to my endearing cathy lee. hope you have a blast even though I can't be there. actually, knowing you, you will definitely go celebrate but don't go overboard. and i'm sure your boy, max, probably have plans for you guys, so i'm not worried that you will have a boring birthday. i'll see you soon and your present is going to be late. sorry about that. things are quite hectic lately.

on the subject of hecticness, i have to write a freaking five page essay (good quality). i semi-successfully procrastainted the assignment but now the buck stops. thus, i am toiling extremely hard to finish it. sigh.

here's a brief reflection. furbie and i had this conversation on-line.

LevityPill (8:08:00 PM): dont tell me about your essays
LevityPill (8:08:05 PM): tell me about your deepest fears and doubts
LevityPill (8:08:14 PM): your aspirations and your love interests
LevityPill (8:08:20 PM): and then tell me if youve developed any rashes
DXs Alpha (8:08:35 PM): hahahahahaha
DXs Alpha (8:08:53 PM): okay my deepest fear is becoming a money driven monster with no life
LevityPill (8:09:15 PM): then why did you join business?!??!
DXs Alpha (8:09:19 PM): aspiration is to become a man that needs nothing to be happy
DXs Alpha (8:09:35 PM): and no rashes for shang
LevityPill (8:10:04 PM): hehehe...
LevityPill (8:10:11 PM): so youre going to join a buddhist temple?
DXs Alpha (8:10:28 PM): nope
DXs Alpha (8:10:35 PM): you can still be in busienss
DXs Alpha (8:10:40 PM): school
DXs Alpha (8:10:44 PM): and not become a monster
DXs Alpha (8:10:56 PM): and you don't have to be a monk to have true happiness
DXs Alpha (8:10:58 PM): i mean
DXs Alpha (8:11:11 PM): the greatest challenege is surrounding yourself in temptation yet rising above the occassion
LevityPill (8:11:45 PM): i didnt say true happiness
LevityPill (8:11:59 PM): but something has to make you happy
LevityPill (8:12:05 PM): action reaction
LevityPill (8:12:18 PM): thats the greatest challenge?
DXs Alpha (8:13:00 PM): no
DXs Alpha (8:13:07 PM): the greatest challenge
DXs Alpha (8:13:36 PM): is becoming a lotus plant
LevityPill (8:13:40 PM): sall good i guess

this conversation was really useful. it made me re-reflect about why i am in business school. business is a field where there's most temptations (greed as the dominant one) but the rewards of resisting these temptations is also the greatest. imgine a lotus plant. growing out of a muddy pond yet it retains it beautiful innoncence. that's what we should strive for- become a pure person despite the evils of the world.

4 february 2001

i just finished watching american beauty. it is a wonderful movie. you have to watch it. here's the quote that i loved. it took me three times to get it just right:

"i guess i could be pretty pissed off for what happened to me, but it is hard to stay mad when there are so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i am seeing it all at once and it is too much. my heart fills up like a ballon that is about to burst. then i remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to everything. and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid life. you have no idea of what i am talking about, i'm sure. but don't worry, you will someday."

oh yeah, i overslept and didn't go to the habitat for humanity thing. that makes me sad.

the summer housing application is due in two weeks. i'm going to stay here for the summer. since my parents are going to visit me for spring break, i won't go back to walnut. so the earliest i will be back in walnut is thanksgiving. that's it.

3 february 2001

the maintence but mainly the reformatting of the site is taking so much time. however, i love doing it. i just get shocked looking at the clock whenever i finally finish updating. nice comments every now and then are really encouraging. thanks angel. it is weird how something didn't bother you before but now annoys the shit of you. what i am referring to is "pot" and "cigarette" smoke. these two distinct odor are permanetly in my room. i don't smoke. my roommate and his friends does. first semester, i didn't mind the smell of "pot" and can tolerate "cigarette" smoke. but recently, i hate it. those two smells literally cause major headaches now. sigh. luckily, i have several place to escape to. thank erin. what's really annoying is that "all" my clothes now smell like pot and cigarettes also. random people ask if i just had a smoke and i'm not hell no. i don't smoke. this is going to be a bad thing when i start working. sigh. and i have a drug test coming soon. i know that 2nd hand pot smoke doesn't give you a positive reading, but what if i'm unlucky. i guess i'm paranoid but the job really does mean a lot to me. sigh. well, on a happy note, i watched the movie "election" with resse witherspoon. it is a very good movie- black comeody all the way. basically, the movie criticizes the extremely machiavellian people in the world. those that have a vision of where they want to be in life and will do anything to achieve it. i know that none of you guys are like that, but i'm just want to caution everyone (including myself) not to be swept off by our ambitions. the sacrifices of being extremely successful are good friends. greatness and loneliness usually comes hand and hand. it is weird how the not so brillant talent people are usually the happiest. something to think about. i have to wake up at seven o' clock in the morning for habitat for humanity (building houses for people). thus, i'm going to sleep now. good-night everyone.

2 February 2001

i just spent the last four hours making a new section for my website- bizarre poll. thus, i'm going to make my thoughts today quite brief. inaction in relationship can be extremely detrimental. if you fail to act in time, the opportunity of a lifetime might slip out of your hands. if you choose to ignore the underlying problem in your relationship, it will plague it forever. use communication as a tool to combat any possible problems. don't be afraid of the consequences because the results of inaction will be greater. i'm the wizard of oz and i grant thee "courage." my other topic today is other people's perception of you. the obvious answer is that we should not care about what others' think of us. but the sad truth is that we do care a whole lot. despite this, it is important to remember that YOU determine who you want to be and not people's perception. it is more beneficial to change how you view yourself than altering how others' think of you even though it is harder to do the former.

the final result of the last bizzare poll:

how far have you gone?
first base: hugging, holding hand, and innoncent kissing 6 votes (12%)
second base: fiddle foddle with clothes on 10 votes (20%)
third base: everything but the... 12 votes (24%)
home: no explanation needed 9 votes (18%)
what the fuck 13 votes (26%)

once again, i prove that this poll is bizzare poll, the what the fuck category has the highest vote. but due to numerous compliants, i took that category out now. it's scary noticing that more people went home then stayed on first base. we're growing up guys. enjoy the new poll or should i say polls, muahahahahah!

31 january 2001

as you can notice from the dramatic change in the opening page, i'm spending lots of time trying to improve my website. so far, i have been getting good comments. unfortunately, a majority of the people have the impression that my website is dead, but it is not. please tell others (including your college buddies) to visit the site. sorry for the incompleteness, the site is currently under major transformation and will soon be revolutionary.

happy birthday josephine. even though i can't not be there to celebrate your b-day and going crazy with you all night, i wish you have a blast! don't worry, i still have plan to develop the drug called jojophine- the miracle drug. i'll see you soon.

on monday night, i was feeling really down. luckily, i had two good friends down the hall, ja-ling and hoggle. (actually, their names are lauren and erin, those are their nicknames). our conversation was amazing. the two of them did most of the talking, mainly about their past. their past were filled with so many rich ideas and experiencess. for example, lauren lived in a neighborhood where she was the one of the few blacks. at her religious school, the norm was for people to go to Bob Jones University. despite this tradition, she struggled and was determined to escape this customary trap. success. she's here at the nyu film program. her challenge is far from over, but her journey so far is respectable. as for erin, another amazing story. the girls of walnut always talk about how waitressing would be the best job. wait till you talk to erin. she was a waitress/bus girl for a whole year. it was the most difficult work. her knees turned all blue and purple. disgusting huh. dedication and survival. this conversation once again reconfirm the idea that behind everyone is a rich story. look beyond the outer surface and personality of people. discover the wonders. they inspired me very much so. that i cannot be a lazy butt in college. thus, depression days are not valid excuses to not to my homework. =)

i love my work (the old one on campus). my boss, jackie chin is a wonderful person. i told her today that i got accepted for the lehman brothers internship. she was extremely happy for me and didn't give me a hard time about reducing my hours. this is the reason why i plan to stay there while i have my internship. work with people you like and who will appreciate you. or else risk being extremely unhappy or dissatisfied. speaking from personal experience.

simplicity- good as a lifestyle but not good as a way of thinking. the world is a ball of complexity.

remember- participate in the message board! eccentric message board.

28 january 2001

lesson of the day- don't drink alcohol on an empty stomach. i was mad ill last night from 6 shots of alcohol. sorry to everyone who had to put up with drunk shang yesterday. i'm normally not that bad on alcohol, i just felt sick.

thanks to don, we have a new messageboard, look below. I "want" everyone to participate and inject some energy and enthusiasm. The ultimate goal is that it would be a network of college students sharing their experiences on the the msgboard. Also, it would be a great way for people to keep in touch, find out what's going on in everyone's life. so tell other people that shang's website is back up and running and so is the awesome msg board.... hurrary!

if you are a football fan- enjoy the super bowl sunday. if you are not a football fan- enjoy the funny, creative commercials. my prediction: NEW YORK Giants is going to win cuz they're from NEW YORK! =)

relationship- the lovey dovey kind: one of the most complicated and complex thing alive. *i'm glad i don't have one, hehehe* the most fundamental and essential prerequisite to a relationship i think is communication and understanding. people in general likes to assume that they know exactly what the other person is thinking, and thus act upon that assumption. but the truth is, most of the time, that assumption is incorrect. so communicate and have a happy partner. just remember not to fiddle foddle too much! hahahahahahaha.

here's my question about relationship: what is the most healthies perspective on relationships if you are single. 1) wait for something to happen 2) pursue someone interesting 3) only after booty? i'm leaning towards choice number one right now. i think that relationship should just happen spontaneously and not artifically created through pursuing someone. but i'm whacked in the head about relationships so don't trust me too whole-heartedly.

my drunken talk with moobert: stress is the number factor of health deterioration. always remember that your body is more important than anything else in the world- definitely more so than a stupid job or a damn grades. take care of yourself. know your priorities, don't pull too many all-nighters. i know it is hard to not pull all-nighters in college but try to cut back. FIND YOUR OWN ROUTINE TO REDUCE STRESS. for me is whining and bitching to people and since everyone's suck of me now, i just bitch on my website... hahahaha, that's so true! other suggestions: taking a walk in the cold (bring a jacket), dance in your room with loud music, watch TV mindlessly, or have hardcore, loud sex =)

stay true to your friends, don't ditch your friends just because you found new ways. that's not kewl yo. and one more thing: don't talk shit about party-hardy people but turn out and party with them because you are bored- that's hypocritcal and ridculous!

song: cutty ranks- limp by limp

27 january 2001

Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday Dear Angel, Happy Birthday to You!

sorry i can't be there to celebrate with you, but i'm wishing that you have a blast!


26 January 2001

i am in a very good mood... quite rare for shang recently... i truly feel happy and serene... =)

well, i want to talk about several things tonight... since i am in such a wonderful mood. here's something i wrote a day ago about friendship.

i don't think i understand this whole accepting everything from somebody and expecting absolutely nothing in return. those kind of people only exist in religious writings. i mean jesus and buddha probably gave all their hearts and absolutely expected nothing in return. for jesus, even when judah (i think that it is the right name) betrayed him... he wasn't hurt or upset. normal human beings are allowed to be upset. even our parents who love us so much expect us to be good kids... and they can be hurt.

but do you realize that the actual person actually has to exert some effort in their own recovery or acceptance of what this world has to offer- all the good and all the bad... even if sometimes the bad seems to be the only thing in existence in our world. i really have no "real" direction in this email... i think i am just rambling... i just think that it is nearly impossible not to expect stuff from people---- impossible i tell you. and as for putting up with somebody you care a whole lot about--- yes i understand how that works, i have done it before... but i don't think i would put up with somebody who is intentionally huring me... i mean tina and i had a good share of fights... and lots of them she puts up with me or i put up with her bad moods... but i know that deep down inside her heart that she is not intentionally hurting me... i guess that is what keeps me (and others) for continually caring for another person even though it seems like that they treat you like trash...

recently, i am not enjoying my roommate too much... i think this time it is my fault rather than his. i think my bad mood has a lot to do with me not being too happy with him. but overall, i think he is a lot kewler person this semester and more respectful of me. i find my self defending him to a couple of people who doesn't like him very much... and i truly believe it. he is a nice person that is sincere and truthful... who doesn't feel a need to cover up anything... really geninue... i mean there are a couple, who am i kidding, a lot of things he still need to learn about life... but i'm sure i still have a whole lot of learning ahead of me... max lien raised up a good point when i was talking to him. that a lot of time, people our age try to be really philsopohical and shit... thinking that somehow in our brief 19 years of life... we unlocked the truths of the world... bad news is that we haven't... but the good news is that our experience, mistakes, and memories are making us better people... we should share stories and thoughts of our journey to others... just like what i am doing...

a brief update on my life since i can hardly talk to any of you guys on the phone or hardly on aim because my 2nd semester is so hectic. basically i wake up everyday around 7:00am then go to class at 8:00am until 12:00... one hour lunch break, then i go to work till 5:00. and i sleep before midnight everynight so i have enough energy to repeat the same routine the next day... i realize that not being able to have time to reflect is very stressful... so i am trying to make it a goal to update this site... cuz it make me more peaceful... good news- i finally got accepted to an internship in downtown manhattan. shang finally scored one! thanks kristen... my interview coach. she reminded me that the most important thing about an interview is showing who you are... and if you do that... people would want you! my interview went well cuz i talked to her as if she was my friend. kristen, if you are reading this, i doubt you are cuz i never told you about my site... i owe you dinner once i get a paycheck from lehman brothers... oh yeah, i forgot to tell you guys, i am going to be a intern at lehman brothers at the world financial center... scary stuff... wish me luck... bad news- my wisdom tooth in my lower left jaw is hurting me- i think it wasn't such a good idea not pulling out my wisdom tooths out during winter break... but i don't regret it because i saw friends back home!... i guess i should just pull it out here. i'm scared to do it here cuz i'm going to be alone. yikes!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY- it was very flattering. =)

back to my roommate really quickly... it is important to be geninue because he is and he has really good friends that care a lot about him!

here's the quote of the day: life is filled with lots of bad stuff that can get you really down... but you need to be in a optimistic mood so you can be ready when the good things in life happen to you.

i never really told you guys my experience in spain... well, it was a wonderful experience. i went sight seeing in lots of places. 15th century monastery...it was goregeous. the city of madrid itself was also really amzing... it is not totally developed like new york city or la, so you can still feel a sense of nature... the spaniards are really kewl and relaxed... the two hour ciesta (break) from 2-4 in the afternoon is a good thing... people are upbeat all the time... not rushed like new yorkers... and all the buildings (modern or old) are all in nice classical styles- baroque, classical, or neo-classical. i also saw the royal palace, man i wish i was a king back in those days. i visited two different museums: the prado (prior 16th century), i saw goya, greco, bosch, rembrandt, rueben, velazquez, and greco- it was amazing but unfortunately none of my picture come out =(, and the other museum is queen sofia (modern stuff) like dali, miro, picasso, and contemporary installations that made me think a lot but it was nice. i went bar hopping- started drinking again- rum and coke is very good but i have self-control so don't worry about me (ie angel). drinking is a nice way to relax oneself but you need to be IN CONROL! i also went clubbing one night at a place called "Joy", it was really fun... dancing with spainards... they are so friendly, even took a picture wiht them... i wish i can see their face when they develop the picture and say, "who's that asian kid"! but the best part of spain is that i got to know a lot of kewl people in my business school- stern. one guy that comes to mind is mike. he's strange and eccentric but reallly a kewl guy. he told me about his research about necrophilicism... having sex with dead people... no no no... he doesn't have sex with dead people, he just researched it =). and this one guy name Jeff. who seems like a big white bully at first but is really a nice and intelligent guy. hemant kind (his real last name is sharma) is funny too. an ex-football player that's indian... very weird concept because when i think of indian- i imagine isuru and apurva and they certainly can't play football. pictures you ask? well, i took a roll with a disposable camera but it didn't come out too well and haven't scanned them in yet... but i am going to cheat... here's a link to my friend, john rhee's website that has a lot of spain pictures and funny captions Spain Goodies. here's a little plug about john since i'm using his picture sit. he was inspired by my lovely website to do his own daily comment thingy too at Click me. he's a unique korean break dancer that loves anime, and a pimp too... hahahaha... he reminded me a lot of norbert at first but i learned that they have more differences then similiarities... he's kewl and a nice person to know here... IM him when you are bored, his sn is Podualitation...

more news about shang. classes are great this year. i really like it. my professor are all amazing people with such great credentials!

have you ever done something thinking that nobody would ever know? well, people (not a lot, but some) notice what you do in life and will appreciate all the nice things you do in life. and the fact that people pays attention to what you have to offer to the world is a very nice feeling... encouraging in fact! recommendation: do nice stuffs for others regardless if people will notice. and when you are pleasantly shocked that people do care and notice... enjoy it.

i miss my parties, i always hold at least once a year =(. according to my roommate, my parties are rare because a typical party always have alcohol...i should invite him to my kind of parties where people just sit and chill... doing stupid stuff and talking... nice memories.

i was just takling to muffadal, it was a nice talk, he asked me, what do you want shang? here's what i said:

"i want a best friend here in new york university. someone i can always hang out with and tell everything to."

but i'm an unappreciative, ungrateful, and demanding kid. because the truth is that my social life at nyu is not that bad... good in fact. i know really awesome and super people who are more than nice to me. and when i want to hang out with people i can (even though i can't until my paycheck comes), that's very reassuring. for example: anne, a girl down the hall, remembered my birthday and got me a Klimt calendar- she's a wonderful arkansians (hahaha, that is not even a word; erin, a funny wannabe white girl always listen to me bitch; lauren (someone else that loves purple eva) is very willing to accompany me to dinner; holly, a reggae fanatic, who puts up with my poor dancing skills; steve, a paranoid boy, who is a good aim talker; dana, a funny girl, who i enjoy talking to; janice, a girl who can't wake up for stats always try to drag my lazy butt to clubs; the people who celebrated my birthday at comedy strip: joan, felicia, john, melinda, and hemant; michelel from boston, my aim buddy; pam the sickly girl who treated me at johnny rocket; rahat, the computer nerd, who showed me some more indian dishes; and there are a bunch more people who i probably mentioned earlier on this long damn daily thought or that is escaping my appreciating, grateful mind at this oddly time (2:30am). all this brings a smile to my face.

i hate the fact that nobody here at nyu knows the term fiddle foddle, but i saw people at work who are fiddle foddle and who are together... it makes me want a relationship... here's a confession... i think shang might have a new love interest now at nyu... not sure yet though...

i really miss my mom, she is so nice to me... say thank you to your parents the next time you talk to them because they love you guys so much! and i miss chinese food, god damn!

sorry for making you guys read this extremely long daily thoughts... all this is from the built up of not updating for like a month... hope you enjoyed it though.

BE ALL THAT YOu CAN BE- leave a msg on the bulletin board- preservation!

24 Janurary 2000

sorry i haven't been able to update my site... sorry everyone... i miss it a whole lot. life just seems very tiring for me lately- a good kind of tiring -so i don't have the lesiure to sit down and write. even though i can't write, we can definitely use the message board (the old one)- the new one has been dead since i ever introduced it... except tina, don, and pilun. when i get a chance, i will scan in my shitty spain pictures from a disposable camera. during the mean time, i want to talk about mentality and perspective. more specifically the word passion. for a while now, i felt that being in stern is very detrimental to my unique personality because everyone seems to be one-dimensional super smart robots. recently, i realized that people are not robots never matter how much they lack a personality. inside everyone, there's this seed that can grow into a dynamic, eccentric, and creative personality. despite this potential, our traditioanl perspectives on life hinders this growth. for example, most stern kids are convinced that businessmen should be highly efficient workers. but they fail to realize the need for passion in order to be a truly successful businessman. even though it seems really hard for us, we should really have an open mind in all our classes no matter how boring the professor maybe. our classes will teach us something about ourself. we need to become highly reflective human beings. take at least half hour each day to think, music helps. all of this is poorly organized but i'm just jotting down my thoughts for the day... i miss doing this so much. i hope i can do this soon...

music: angel by shaggy

SHANG SAYS: INFEST THE MSG BOARD WITH YOUR THOUGHTS! click on preservation!

12 January 2000

i just got back from spain- i loved it... but i am extremely exhausted so i am going to do a "real" update tomorrow... lots of events from christmas break at home to reflect about!

24 December 2000- Merry Christmas

as you are reading this, i am on the plane- flying back to my roots =)

due to laziness, i have yet to pack my shit for home; thus, i can't really write a good daily comments. besides that reason, i also think it would be good to have other people who wants to share their thoughts. Patty is an adorable freshman who has a mind of a mature college student =)

well shang just asked me to write today's daily comment. i have absolutely no idea why he'd want a freshman girl in high school write it. but bare with me.

yesterday, at school, i got this card from this girl who used to be my closest friend.. saying that we both changed but she'd always be there for me.. the thing is that before, i had so much respect for her and the way she carried herself and how she embraced life even though she was going through hell and back with her mom dying and all that.. she kept things together last year and managed to stay like the greatest friend to everyone and listen to their problems even though they were so little compared to hers.. honestly i thought the world of her.. that card just made me cry because it made me remember all our talks, some were silent but those kinds of conversations id always walk away thinking it was the best conversation.. these days i catch myself staring at my closest frends.. u know those moments when they're rambling on and on to you.. and its like those moments when you look at them and just realize how lucky you are to have them and love them for their little quirks whether it be biting their nails or blink constantly because of those damn contacts. it seems like no matter how bad my day's been, just talking to them make me smile.

a lot of times i feel.. um.. damn wuts that word wen u feel like you're not good enough.. damn my vocabulary or the lackthereof pisses me off.. well ive felt like that a lot lately. i've told cathy that plenty of times. im not smart enough to get the grades, funny enough, pretty enough, u know the stereo-typical fears of a fourteen-year-old i guess. but the thing i realized was that there's something beautiful about everyone, whether it be being a great listener, having those amusing stories that makes you want to roflyao (roll on floor laughing your ass off), or knowing that something is wrong before you tell them. i guess i just havent found my redeeming quality. i dont know, its so hard to figure myself out, im okay at analyzing other ppl but when it comes to me, its just confusing.. this past year has been so hard on me in terms of finding out who the fuck i am, its so draining to fall and pick myself up again over and over. and it was kinda hard because cathy left to berkeley and it was nice to share with her when my life got kinda crazy. she was a bundle of over-analyzing but she was a great listener and taught me a lot about life and how to face it without turning back.

for now, im at peace with myself i guess, no extreme or anything. if i have anything to say i guess its never stop listening to other ppl.. they're there to help you out and learn from. honestly i've learned so much from cathy and shang and norbert and jason and tina and other ppl. they've taught me a lot about being human and that if u mess up its not the fucking end of the world.

wasn't that pretty good shit...don't even say, it is not better than my stuff...well, maybe it is but that's because we are both good writers (hahaha). after reading such inspiring writing, i can't not write something of my own. I guess you lucked out, you get to read TWO daily comments.

the test of friendship

as individuals, we grow, change, and mature each day. unfortunately, in the process, our personality might start to diverge from the personalities of your closes friends. the fact that none of my friends are physically here in new york city puts a great strain on all my friendships. slowly, they can't understand why i'm obssessed with stupid things like squirrels in washington square park. i would stop for a few moments to observe them -their movements, their facial expressions. to excerbate the situation, they don't know why i'm sad; thus, they can't comfort me and in the process have an amazing conversation and bonding time. during finals and the weeks prior to finals, i temporarily succumbed to these challenges to my friendships. i thought to myself- i hate my friends, they don't fuckin care about me. i'm up at 4 in the morning study my ass off and they won't even bother to im me. not only was i angry, i became extremely sad. there would be moments of absolute silence and remorse (i don't think that is the right word, but oh well). in such a mad/depressed state, i decided that i don't need my friends anyway, i have new york city.

true friendships triumph. in my weeks of sorrow, there were flashes of hope that friendship can conquere the width of the united states. pleasant conversations with don and the yummy package from josephine and angel prevented me from going completely extreme with my distrust of friendship. immediately after finals, i started to talk to my friends again. the instance that conversation re-established, my dislike of them dissolved. i realized how silly i felt and acted. i can never stay mad at my friends, especially when they are not doing so hot themselves. friendship is wonderful because it instills in us a sense of permanence in this transient, unstable world.

recommendatino:
music: action and action by the get up kids (my favorite band)
action: believe in the idea that there's a redeeming quality in everyone. while i was cleaning my desk, i found this christmas card (the envelope was addressed to Shang-a-lang, my new nickname on my floor) that said: Sorry the card is corny. thanks for being the coolest roomate for my first year at college. enjoy your break- you'll get home eventually. peace.

if you don't know already, i have an high admiration for buddha. he is one of the smartest person that ever walked this planet. hence, he must be even more irritated at fake, uncaring, artifical people than we are. yet in spite of this, he whole-heartedly believe that he can guide people to find their inner-self (enlightenment) or what i would like to call a source of personal eccentricity. the moral of the story is that we should try to model ourselve after buddha in this sense, don't give up on people.

shang's story series #9

...continued from #8

     Birkerts blatantly conveys his concerns-"The idea of the Internet...impinges on...cultural life," and with this begins Birkerts' numerous accusations against the Internet through the establishment of an opposition-the threatening technology against the fundament human individuality, but this falsely created circumvents us from realizing the diagnosing our disease. Using "air travel as a partial analogy," Birkerts explains that the "potentiality" to travel from cities to cities in short amount of times impacts "human perception of time and space." As a result, our present concept of "Los Angeles"-a five-hour plane ride away-is completely different from that of 100 years ago. In the next paragraph, "The Idea of the Internet" amplifies its startling tone from the initial innocuous analogy of air travel to a threatening, ominous picture of global warming: "The temperature rises by a few degrees and everything changes-ocean levels, currents, vegetation belts." How do these comparisons demonstrate the ramifications of the idea of the Internet? The Internet offers the possibility of "instant linkage" and "connectivity," making the "isolated self" accessible by the collective group just like an easy plane ride to Los Angeles. Since the Internet does not completely change our lives, "we often see the individual response to the media excitement taking the form of a bemused shrug." Again, society disregards the minor pains-in the form of the Internet-associated with man's chronic disease since the beginning of civilization. Thus, the analogy of global warming draws attentions to those small yet significant changes. Based on Sherry Turkle's idea that the Internet "will render human boundaries at once more permeable and more provisional," Birkerts pessimistically claims that "the subjective individual, may be less a natural given than a phase in a larger evolutionary process." He concludes with even more menacing predictions: "we will no longer stand on the same ground" of our past-a ground of independence. Unfortunately, civilization in accordance to Birkerts is now grounded in man's reliance on and cooperation with fellow man, which the Internet facilitates. Surprisingly, Birkerts' unconscious use of "we" in his essay, clumping unique individuals into a single entity betrays his argument and proves that the problem is not the Internet, but inherently rooted in us.

to be continued...

damn, this is one long daily comment. enjoy this because i don't think i can update my site during the break =)


23 December 2000

New York City is really nice... the snowing yesterday was amazing...the flakes were just floating around like a snow globe. for the longest time i thought, i would need "someone" (a friend or a girlfriend) to share the awesome experience with, but it is not necessary. A lot of time, it is really nice to have time to yourself ---> do exactly what you want without worrying about another person.

have fun christmas shopping ---> i have a bunch =)

style vs. content?

it is quite sad i must say if people only determine how good something by it's style...what if someone has something terrific to say but they didn't express it in this amazing style? that's what i thougt prior to writting this message...but now i think that style and content are interwoven---> it is actually inseparable ---> the content must complement the style in order for it to be powerful, enticing. thus ---> i'm trying to reinnovate my site or should i? is this site for people or a personal diary? i'm still determining that right now... but i'm going to try something new...

recommendation:

music: wonderland remix by alice

shang's story series #8

i look around. I'm surrounded by three plain, typical white walls. Yet, bursts of color demand my attention. Focusing on this vibrant shimmering, I make out a poser of an passionate yet aggerssive female fighter. Slowly, look around again. The room is not so plain after all. More anime posters cover the bare walls, making it personalized. I look down, i see computer parts, magazines, a computer, and clothing intermeshed with each other. a typical dorm room yet a sense of eccentricity.

"What the fuck do you want?" -i snap out of my reflection. chinese, hmmm, had that already. pizza, grrr, have that everyday. "hey, anything is fun." Frustrated, the owner of this room browse through the internet looking for good delievery at 8:00pm. His occupation with gave me the freedom to think some more. For the past three days now, the dominance of technology forcefully hammered its presence in my mind. sigh. This reminds me of my esasy i wrote in class, i guess it really does apply to me.

return to home.