"That's the sign of a true professional.  You can lose your clothes and still finish the match.  It's kind of a running joke with me that every time I do a Pay-Per-View, I lose an article of clothing.  I've lost pants and shorts and tops, and every time I don't think it's going to happen it does." - Joanie Laurer
 

    First off, let me state that I am NOT a misogynist.  The reason I don't like Chyna is because she has absolutely no talent, and not because she is a woman.  I for one will cheer for the likes of Molly, or Lita instead of Chyna.  No, not because they're better looking, but because they actually have some wrestling skill.  Asides from being absolutely worthless in the ring, Chyna is also a really dispicable person.  Chyna bashes people like her former trainer, Killer Kowalski, in her book, she drove Jerry Lawler and his wife out of the WWF, and for some hypocritical reason, attacked Trish Stratus for having no wrestling abilities.  For somebody with less in-ring ability than a jobber, she managed to get a massive push in the intercontinental division (many thanks to Triple H's influence), and cheapened the belt to new lows.  Right now I am completely sick of her undeserved overexposure.  Whether it be her playboy appearance, or her fitness video, I am sure that I am not the only person who no longer wants to see her.  In the past I didn't mind Chyna.  But unfortunately, she sold out and is now nothing more than an egotistical and whiney media slut.  Now that I've stated my point of view, I would like to welcome you to the Internet's first Anti-Chyna page.  I hope you find this page enjoyable and informative.  Please take the time to leave a word or two in my guestbook.

    It all started a while back when I went on the Internet to look for Anti Chyna pages.  To my disappointment, I did not find any such pages.  Knowing that I am not the only person who doesn't like Chyna, I decided to start this page.  My page serves the following purposes:
    - 1.  It is a source of entertainment to fellow Chyna haters out there.
    - 2.  It serves to inform WWF fans who have not put too much thought into Chyna and all she has done.
    - 3.  It is an attempt at influencing the WWF to stop bombarding us with Chyna.  I am sick of seeing my precious two hours of Raw Is War filled with Chyna's promos, her lousy wrestling matches, or of her spanking other women.  With luck, somebody at WWF notices that not everybody likes Chyna and remembers that pleasing the fans is the most important thing in having a successful business.
    ...come to think of it now, Joanie Laurer didn't need my site to remind the WWF why they should release her.  She did a good enough job on her own.

    I do my best to be descriptive, analytical, and insightful in my writings.  I try to explain things in detail, rather than to use this site to just make a number of one-liner statements.  I am much more willing to objectively point out a problem instead of simply resorting to immature and petty insults, or writing in an obviously unfactual fashion.  At the same time, it is my intention to point things in the right direction, for example, by contrasting Chyna and Molly.
    The majority of the information that I put on my site is from my research on the internet, or from watching the WWF.  Due to the fact that I am reliant on other sources, and because other sources can be inaccurate, I may be inaccurate.

By the end of 2001, Joanie and the WWF had parted ways.  Ever since, updates to this website became less frequent.  And for good reason: with Joanie gone from the WWE, there was really no need for me to update this site. However, this site was updated a few times since Joanie's departure.  Unlike the previous updates, these updates did not serve the purpose of vocalizing my frustration with the WWF's decision to over-promote the Ninth Blunder of the World.  Rather, they were done for no other reason than to ridicule the ego-maniacal Joanie's rapid downfall, as she was without the promotional machine that is Vince's company behind her. After parting ways with the WWF, Joanie attempted virtually everything imaginable in order to hang onto the fame that she acquired while working for Vince McMahon.  Unfortunately, Joanie tried everything except the one thing she was ever qualified to do: stand with her arms crossed while keeping her big mouth shut.  Upon trying to expand her role beyond the silent bodyguard, Joanie not surpisingly failed miserably at becoming the celebrity she aspired to be.

Above: Joanie at the People's Choice Awards.  *Insert Joke here.*

After succeeding in making a huge farce of herself time after time, Joanie decided to get back with her abusive boyfriend, Sean "X-Pac" Waltman.  And they're not just back together as a couple on "Celebrity Justice," but they are now co-stars in their own porno flick, cleverly titled, "One Night in China."  I will not make any attempts at describing this sex tape, since that would require me to watch it.  However, I will echo the remarks of everybody who has seen it.  Every internet review I have come across have said the same thing about "One Night in China."  Simply put, don't watch it. Left: The cover to "1 Night in China" DVD.  Click the image at your own risk.  The Anti-Cyna Page takes no responsibility for any suffering that may incur.

If you still think that Joanie is having a successful post WWF career, consider the next fact.  Joanie has signed on for the next season of "The Surreal Life," aka, the has-been celebrity reality show.

Above: How "The Surreal Life" describes itself.  Come to thiink of it, that's better than I could have ever put it.

- To see old news/commentary, click here.
  

    Wrestlecrap was truly the greatest wrestling website that has ever popped up on the internet.  I came across that page by doing a search on one of Vince's holiday related gimmick characters: Xanta Klaus.  That very night I found it, I was up until 5.30 AM just looking at the site.
    Unfortunately, that site is no longer with us.  As the webmaster of the Anti-Chyna Page, I have always wanted to see something Chyna related (no, Sammy doesn't count) covered.  But since the site is no longer running, it doesn't seem like it'll ever happen.
    When something doesn't exist, and there's a demand for it, I have a tendency to create it, much like this site.  Only difference is, well, I'm using somebody else's idea.  So from me, I present to you my tribute to Wrestlecrap.  It's delievered as half homage, and half spoof.  I tried to keep the actual content as close to how RD would narrate it, while the unimportant parts are presented in a parody fashion.
 
 

The Spiked Piledriver

Here is the result of Joanie Laurer "writing" her autobiography, If They Only Knew, faking an injury so she could have time to promote it, and in doing so, only managed to show the world her poor acting skills, as well as getting nobody to take her seriously.  Not to mention, her book caused countless of her fans to turn against her.  And lastly, she helped put the final nails into the coffin of the Women's division by becoming the Women's champion, making a farce out of the other women with her spanking, and by refusing to help elevate them.

    Ten and a half years later since that fateful day, and what has Joanie Laurer learnt?  Nothing.  If the WWF and Joanie should of learned something, it's that with the exception of Jake "The Snake" Roberts, animal gimmicks just don't work.  And Chyna was no exception to that rule.  Coming out dressed as a peacock only made her look stupid.  But the good news was that was also her last appearance on WWF TV [May 30/02].
  

    I'm not fond of the Ninth Blunder of the World for many reasons.  One of them is because she's the biggest fraud in the WWF.  She talks about how she's proud of her body, yet never admits she'd never be in Playboy if it weren't for her face getting fixed.  She is one of the least talented wrestlers on the WWF roster, both in the ring and on the mic.  Yet, she is given the Intercontinental Title, and for the whole time she was the champion she almost never wrestled.  She used the storyline of how Chris Jericho broke her thumb with a hammer.  Strangely enough, Y2J got hammered in the head twice and still wrestled on a regular basis.
    Maybe it's her constant resorting to low blows that irratates me.  Or maybe it's the fact that she sets a poor example for girls by getting all sorts of cosmetic surgery.  Perhaps it's because all she does is forearm, kick, DDT, and that silly little cartwheel (let's also not forget the low blows in every match) that annoys me.
    The WWF's current female roster has finally become respectable.  With many other much more talented female wrestlers around, it makes me wonder why anybody would want to cheer for Chyna. Below is a comparison between Joanie Laurer and Nora Greenswald.  Judge for yourself who's a better wrestler.
 
 

Characteristic	Chyna	Molly	Further Description
Height	6'0	5'4	Actually, Chyna is only 5'9.  She lies about her height, and tries to deceive people by wearing high heels in the ring.
Weight	200 lbs	? lbs	There's no way Chyna weighs 200 lbs now.  Maybe back then when she had some muscle mass, but not now.  Of course, just like X-Pac, she doesn't want anybody to know she weighs under 200lbs.
Frequency of Low Blow During Match	Every Match	Rarely	Chyna's gimmick is  she can wrestle with men.  Yet, she resorts to low blows in every match.
Final Move	Pedigree	360 off the Top Rope	Take a guess which one's harder to do?  Back at Survivor Series '99, Chyna did a off the top rope Pedigree, and accidentally dropped Chris Jericho in mid-air.
Hurricarana	Normal	Top Rope	The few times Chyna have done Hurricaranas, they've all been standing hurricaranas.
Ability to Take Bumps	None	Higher Amount	So far we've seen Molly take bumps such as going through tables.  Chyna, on the other hand is one of the few women in the WWF who has not been driven through a table yet.  Chyna can't take bumps because of all the cosmetic surgery she's been through.  Heck, when Y2J hit her face too hard, HHH went nuts because she just finished getting her face fixed.
Cosmetic Facial Surgery	Yes	None	If you look at Chyna now and her old pictures, it almost looks like as if she's a completely different person.
Implants	Yes	None	Oh boo hoo hoo, Chyna's implants exploded.  Remember that match she had with Rikishi?  At the end of the match when he did the Banzai Drop, he barely even touched her.  Guess why?  Considering the fact that her implants and other surgery got into the way, she never should have been wrestling in the first place.
Dropkick	Poor	Good	Chyna rarely ever uses dropkicks.  Anybody remember that "retaliation" dropkick she used on Lita?  It was executed so poorly, she only managed to kick Lita in the rear end.
Mic Skills	Squeaky Voice	Normal	For the first two years Chyna spent in the WWF, she almost never spoke.  And once she did, people laughed at her squeaky voice.  Molly on the other hand is capable of giving decent promos.
Media Apperance	Lots	None	Chyna has made herself a media slut, trying to get herself as overexposed as possible.  But this isn't a bad thing - it meant she'd spend less time on WWF TV.
Speed	Slow	Fast	The fact that Chyna wears high heels makes her move extremely slowly.  On top of that, she is extremely clumsy.  Anybody remember the time where she tripped over Dean Malenko and fell backwards?
Anchor To	Hunter Hearst Helmsley Chris Jericho Eddie Guerrero Billy Gunn Miss Kitty	None	Chyna shouldn't be called the Ninth Wonder of the World, but rather, "The Biggest Anchor In Pro-Wrestling."  Molly has been a valet to other wrestlers, but has never dragged them down.
Attire	Xena	Tank Top	As if ripping off Xena wasn't bad enough, Chyna's also portraying herself as a piece of meat.  Molly at least knows how to be modest.

    Why is it that everybody gives Chyna credit for paving the roads for all of today's female wrestlers?  If it's any wrestler which knocked down the first barricade, it was Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Never has there been a MALE wrestler who has deliberately assaulted a woman in such a vicious manner (in this case, the stunner).  But women in the WWF have always attacked men.  Anybody remember Sensational Sherri?  God, was she quite the B***H.  Need another example?  What about Luna Vachon back at King of The Ring 1993 when she clobbered Bret Hart with a chair?

The point is, Steve Austin deserves some credit for his actions towards Chyna.  Society holds annoying values such as it is more acceptable for women to be violent towards men, than the other way around.  All that Chyna ever does is wrestle horribly and cut irratating promos about how she's so proud of her body.  It's hard to believe that people are looking up to this untalented, low blowing woman.  If it's any woman in the WWF who has proven that she can be as good as any man, it's Lita.  When she first debutted, she was paired up with the high flying Essa Rios.  Her gimmick was, everything Essa could do, she could do just as well.  Somehow, it's just very difficult to see Chyna mimicking Essa Rios.

    If you browse through the internet, you'll find that I'm not the only one that holds the opinion that Chyna sucks.  Here's what some columnists have to say.
- From an Icon Standpoint 6/24/00 by Jose E. De La Mora.
    In this column, the writer talks the direction of Chyna's character.
- From an Icon Standpoint 10/08/00 by Jose E. De La Mora.
    I always wondered who would want to take a look at Chyna in a playboy magazine.  In this column, the writer gives his opinion on Chyna in playboy.
- WWF Survivor Series '99 Review by Elliot Sparks.
    This is pretty much a play by play of the matches from Survivor Series and a review on the pay per view.  For the purposes of this page, I only inlcuded the match between Chris Jericho and Chyna.
- Hey Chyna!  Suck This! by Matt Mitchell.
    One of the more constructive rants about Chyna out there on the Internet.  The writer offers some words of advice for Chyna.
  

    "You know, I love being in this business, and I love being the absolute best in the business.  I've always been proud, never been ashamed to be a part of it, until now.  Because standing in the ring is the greatest embarrassment that this business has ever seen.  Standing in the ring is proof that this business is in a downward spiral, especially the World Wrestling Federation.  Standing in the ring is Chyna, the new Intercontinental Champion and that makes me absolutely SICK.  I mean, what used to be the second most important championship in this entire industry held by such legends as Ricky Steamboat, Randy Savage, Rick Rude, The Mountie, is now in the hands of an incompetent woman?  I mean, the last shreds of credibility that this business had were thrown away when the powers that be decided that this GIRL was championship material.  I mean, the thought of you as a credible and believable champion is an idea even more ridiculously enhanced than your breasts are.  You know, Y2J is no Double J, and you're not gonna get no cake walk good-housekeeping matches with me sister.  Well you see, I would never e-ever hit a woman, but you are not a woman.  You are a hideous, grotesque, freak of nature and I will beat the living hell out of you to restore some credibility to that belt.  And when I do so, all of these Jericholic will chant my name."

    Here's my new wrestling opinion column and where you'll find the Anti Chyna Trash Can.  To see these columns, click here.  [Updated: July 24/04 - "Chris Jericho Autograph Session on July 21/05 in Winnipeg."]
   

Links

Well look at what just popped up on the internet: www.chynasux.com.  The name says it all.  I've been meaning to put a picture of Chyna before surgery, and one after.  I guess I won't have to any more.

 
 

"Chyna Is Out of Line."  By John F. Molinaro, from Slam! Wrestling.  This is a brilliant must-read article which reveals the truth about Chyna, and credits those who have really paved the road for women in wrestling. On Joanie Laurer's post-WWF career: "What career?  According to my watch, she's at the 14:45 mark of her 15 minutes of fame.  The WWF made her and without them behind her, she'll quickly fizzle out and fade away.  Wouldn't surprise me to see her turn to doing porn movies with midgets and freaks.  Good luck, Joanie.  A more useless pile of crap that ever graced the ring I can't imagine..." - John F. Molinaro

"SLAM! Wrestling's 2001 Poll Results."  This is the wrestling year in review, with results of the fans and journalists' opinion on the best and the worst of the year.  Chyna received the most votes from the fans for being the worst female wrestler of the year, and ALL the SLAM! journalists agreed. One of the comments on Chyna: "The choice is clear.  Chyna.  Not only does she have about as much grace in the ring as a paralyzed buffalo, she has an inflated ego as well. Her fall from grace was one of the high spots of 2001 for me. Good riddance to bad garbage, I say.  See yeah at the next auto show or truck and tractor pull, Joanie. Though I would rather see Truck-A-Saurus in action." - John Powell

    For all you Chyna haters out there with a webpage, I'd appreciate it if you take this cheaply designed banner, paste it on your webpage, and link it to my site.  If you use the bottom banner, please link it to my Wrestlecrap "Spiked Piledriver" tribute page.
   

    I knew that if I kept this site running long enough, I would eventually get some hate mail from some Chyna fans out there.  Now that my site is found on search engines like Google and Yahoo, many people including Chyna fans and Lita and Molly Haters have found this page.  To check out the hate mail I've received, click here. [Updated: October 17/06].
   

Guestbook

    It's a guestbook.  It's self-explanatory.  However, I would like to add that it's a Geocities guestbook.  Translation: If you've got something to say, make it short.  The guestbook entries get truncated if they're too long.  If you have anything more than a few sentences to write, you can always e-mail me.