The following is a list of people who need to go away and leave me alone. Most of them are famous and for some reason or other popular with the media.
Let’s see, I’ll start with Pamela Anderson
who didn’t COMPLETELY suck until she got her breasts removed, so she could be “taken more seriously as an actress”. Haha. You’re funny, Pam.
Bob Enyart.
If he isn’t the king of all anal retentives then I don’t know who is. This right wing asshole thinks “God” hates homos , independent thought, and public school. He has (or used to have) some show on the Christian network and most of the callers, when, of course, outsmarting this little bitch, were disconnected. Isn’t that peachy? And how about this : he has a HOMO clinic!! A CLINIC for HOMOS!! A CLINIC for HOMOS who want to get BETTER!! ARGH! DAMN RIGHTWINGS!
Fabio
. If you need me to tell you my reasoning, give me your name and address and I will drive there and kill you.
Pee-Wee Herman
. Now if this isn’t a pedophile, there isn’t one. That voice alone should have had him locked up. However, talking furniture is very cool. Unfortunately, you can only get your furniture to talk after consuming mass quantities of hallucinogenic materials. *note: no lab rats were injured in the experiment to discover this fact, however, several of my friends died just before my results were found in an unrelated accident that had to do with something they ate. Gotta watch out for that mayonnaise.*
Leanne rhymes
. Ahhhhh! That singing! Somebody ! Either shoot me or her! I don’t care! Just make the bad noise stop!
Those anal retentives on the chat systems whose lives consist of offending the same people in a monotonous and repetitious manor.
Those people on the chat systems whose lives consist of propositioning you in ways that would make a stripper blush.
Those people who think you are interested in reading about their religion, so they go door to door handing out little booklets on how to not go to hell or something. Hey, message to you people, we are just as happy about are religion (or lack thereof) as you are and you don’t see US handing out those annoying little pamphlets! Just accept the fact that NOBODY wants to join your little God club! And, p.s, How in the HELL do you know I am home? Do you have some kind of insolent heathen detector device?
Martha Stewart
. I have never actually SEEN the extent of her bitchiness, but I have seen that glint in her eye. That glint that so rarely exposes itself in a professional housewife. That glint that says, “I am superdomesticwoman, hear me make my arts and crafts, and if you don’t wipe your feet on my humble little doormat I will beat you silly with my spatula of doom!” And, oh yeah, she sacrificed my cat to her domestic goddess in exchange for the copyrights.
*DISCLAIMER: I do not intend nor have I ever killed anyone or anything except for a beetle and that was only because I wanted to see if what they said about magnifying glasses and bugs were true and maybe a couple slugs and DAMN salt is useful sometimes… But never mind. The point is, I don’t intend to critically injure any of these people. And, oh yeah, mayonnaise isn’t THAT bad.