'Dear Delenn' - Advice Column.
Dear Delenna, is it true what 'they' say, um...er..ah.., ya know, about, well about Minbari, um..ah...honkers? Signed..Lurker in Heat
Dear lurker in heat, This is probably the most low class, tasteless question I've ever had the misfortune to recieve on my advice column! Get your mind outta the gutter why don't ya? (P.S. Why do you think Minbari woman have trouble walking four days out of seven? Get a clue!)
Dear Delenna, I have a terrible crush & the extreme hots for a certain station commander. Should I tell him my feelings? I know he is seeing a 'special' someone (A stuck-up Minbari chick, imho), who has his undevided attention. What should I do? Signed..Hot and Alone!
Dear H.& A..., You bitch! I want an 8" by 10" glossy of you immediately! I'm gonna honken scratch your eyes out you lurker trash!!
Dear Delenna, I have a hard time meeting with chicks. What can I do to find that 'certain' babe? Signed..Horney Head.
Dear Lenn.....oops, I mean H.H., I think I know you, don't I? Anyways, first you must ask yourself while looking in a mirror, why you have trouble meeting chicks. When you come to the obvious conclusion, contact me for the addresses of some cool hair implant boutiques, and or a few neat on-line dating club URL's I happen to have. Trust me on this one, Horney Head!
Dear Delenn, I am a husky, 6'4", extremely handsome, young, Minbari weight lifter (With Royal Blood!). I've been lurking downbelow for months, out of work, penniless, & hungry. I'd do just about anything for a home cooked Minbari meal and a few credits. What should I do? Signed: The Right Stuff
Dear Stuff! Come on up and see me sometime, preferably when John is on duty, & I'll see what I can do for ya.
Dear Delenn, I'm an important Narn official. Part of my duties are to attend many banquets and dinner functions. On occaision, I have slipped out my glass eye & popped the sucker into my mouth, to clean it during dinner functions. Some of my hosts tell me that this is in bad taste, so, what is your take on all this etiquette and eyeball stuff? Signed: A perplexed G'Kar
Dear Perplexed. Just tell your hosts that the eyeball cleaning is an old Narn custom. However, if you really would like to continue being invited out with your friends, do yourself a favor, cary a bottle of Windex with ya, bub!