Disclaimer: I don't own them, Joss Whedon does.
"I-I'm glad you could all make it," began Giles.
"Well it was this or lunch, and eating is overrated," Xander responded glibly.
"We have discovered some information which may, indirectly, be linked with our renegade demon," Giles continued. He had found that his lectures went much more smoothly when he ignored Xanders' asides. "We never found any mention of 'Pythagorax' in any of my tomes of demonology so we researched 'Pythagoras', the ancient Greek mathematician, based on a mixture of desperation, exhaustion and, well, the... the similarities of their names..."
"Plus, both of them were into geometry; Pythagoras was the a-squared plus b-squared equals c-squared guy," Willow added.
"Although I'm not sure any of the ancient Greeks ever wrote their treatises on human skin," Giles noted wryly, "Still, the resemblance between their names is uncanny."
"If there's one thing I've learned from living on the Hellmouth, it's there's no such thing as a coincidence," said Xander, "that and if a sign says to stay away from the hyenas - stay away."
"It seems the Pythagoreans were a superstitious lot. There was a cult that grew up around Pythagoras, complete with rituals, oaths and dark secrets."
"You mean dark math secrets, Giles?" Buffy asked incredulously.
"How dark could they be?" Xander added.
"You're not that far from the mark, Buffy," Giles responded, "For example, the Pythagoreans discovered that the square root of 2 is an irrational number, but suppressed the knowledge. The Greeks believed in an entirely ordered world and wouldn't have been able to cope with the knowledge."
"And they discovered the dodecahedron, the twelve-sided perfect solid," said Willow. "They tried to keep it a secret, but one of the cult members revealed it."
"Yes, and he died shortly thereafter in a-a mysterious shipwreck. The cultists believed it to have been divine punishment for his... his indiscretion. The Pythagoreans even managed to gain political power in Greece for a short period of time. They subsequently lost control, although the reasons for their overthrow are not entirely clear. Much of the literature of the era was lost with the Library of Alexandria," Giles said sadly, "Only fragments survived in private collections and a great deal of that was purged by the Catholic Church during the Dark Ages, particularly anything having to do with demons."
A dramatic pause ensued. Cordelia finally broke it, "I can't believe I skipped lunch for this!"
"You're not serious, Giles. Are you?" Buffy asked. "We're not looking for wacky math guys dressed up in robes and looking for a ouija board?"
"W-well, many mathematicians throughout the ages were associated with the black arts," Giles explained. "Sir Isaac Newton was an avowed alchemist, right up unto his death..."
"And I hear that Maria Agnesi was a witch," said Oz.
Willow smiled at him. "She wasn't a witch, Oz," she said, "But she did have some weird behavior - she used to sleepwalk and sometimes would solve difficult math problems in her somnambulant state."
"So, we're looking for a math guy. What do I do with him when I catch him? Take away his calculator?" asked Buffy.
"You could drive the pointy end of a compass through his heart," suggested Xander.
"For now, just look for aberrant behavior, particularly if it's in any way math oriented," sighed Giles.
"Hey, my math teacher, Mr. Scipio - you know, the new guy who replaced Mr. Davis when he died in that freak Jet-ski accident two weekends ago - has been acting really strange," Cordelia volunteered. "He made Lisa Isel come up in front of the class and explain a proof. She had no idea what she was doing but he kept yelling at her and insisting that she complete it. How embarrassing was that! The girl must be 70 pounds overweight and she always wears spandex. She had to stand in front of the class for twenty minutes."
"Just because a teacher is, well, serious about his work, doesn't make him a demon," Giles said.
"Scipio... sounds Greek," Xander mused suspiciously.
"What was the proof about?" asked Oz.
"The square root of two."
"That's a coincidence," Xander said sarcastically. "I refer you to my previous statement about coincidences in the Hellmouth."
"I'll have a talk with him," said Buffy, getting up and heading for the door.
"Buffy, wait, we still have no proof that the man is anything other than what he appears to be, a-a substitute math teacher," said Giles. "Perhaps a more appropriate. Transfer into his class, observe him, if he is the demon - or possessed by one, he will slip up."
"Relax, Giles," she responded. "I'm subtlety girl." She exited the library.
*********************************************************************A very sulky Buffy slunk into the library just after the final classes had let out. She dropped into a chair and avoided the collective gazes of her assembled friends. "Well, I didn't get expelled," she finally said.
"Tell us what happened!" Willow chattered excitedly. "We heard Principal Snyder caught you... ah... interrogating Mr. Scipio - but in a subtle way. How'd you get out of it?"
"I was in Snyder's office with Mr. Scipio and Snyder was all hot and bothered about how he was going to expel me, call the cops and there was nothing that my mom or her friends on the School Board could do to save me. Then Mr. Scipio says he's not going to press charges, that my 'zeal for mathematics' had gotten the better of me and, of course, I totally agreed with him the whole way - thinking maybe I could get out of this with a suspension. Snyder goes postal and threatens to fire Mr. Scipio, but he says he thinks that my 'enthusiasm for math' should be 'channeled int direct confrontation is not the best tactic. Subtlety might be o more appropriate venues.' And he starts talking about the math club he's trying to get started and how no one wants to be the first one to join! Snyder must have seen my expression because his little rodent eyes lit right up. My choice was expulsion or the math club. I was a cheerleader in L.A. and now I'm the poster child for the math club." She glared at her friends, daring them to laugh at her.
"At least you'll get to be in the yearbook," Cordelia smirked.
"That's right! The clubs haven't done their photos yet!" enthused Willow.
"Great. I'll be remembered as that weird girl from the math club."
"Isn't that better than not being remembered?" asked Willow. A caustic glance from Buffy indicated that Buffy did not share this opinion. "Of course, we'll all remember you."
"But, more to the point, did you discover if this Mr. Scipio is our man... o-or demon as the case may be?" asked Giles.
"No idea. We had just started our heart to heart when Snyder showed."
"Then perhaps the, uh, math club is a good idea. You could observe his behavior..." Giles continued.
"Hey! We could join with you!" Willow said excitedly.
"Undercover in the math club!" Xander crooned.
"I will not date a guy in the math club," Cordelia stated.
"It is probably for the best that not everyone rushes out to join," said Giles, "I-it might arouse some suspicion. But, perhaps, Willow and Oz might...Mr. Scipio is our best, well, our only, lead."
"So, do we sign up with you?" Oz asked Buffy.
*****************************
"How was the first meeting of the math club?" Xander asked.
Buffy wasn't in the mood to answer, Oz was as enigmatic as ever, but Willow was bubbling over with more enthusiasm than usual. "We chose officers! Buffy's the president! I nominated her! Oz is Vice-president and I'm the treasurer!"
"President - hey, congrats Buff," said Xander, "that'll look good on the ol' transcript."
"Buffy nominated me for Vice-prez in revenge for me seconding Willow's motion," Oz mentioned. "There are currently 5 members of the Sunnydale Society of Geometricians, so we kinda had the votes."
"But Buffy won unanimously - well, except that she abstained," Willow continued on, oblivious to the black looks from Buffy. "Then Mr. Scipio gave us some story problems to do - some of them were pretty tricky. Principal Snyder stopped by just before we quit for the day - he seemed pretty excited..."
"Snyder showed to make sure I was there and having a bad time," Buffy said sullenly, breaking her self-imposed vow of silence. "He was in good mood 'cause I was in a bad one. Scipio told him I need some 'extra help' since, as president of the SSG, I should have a better grasp of math. Snyder's making me come to school half an hour early for math tutoring with Mr. Scipio. We need to kill him, Giles; the man is evil. Please let me kill him."
"Did you find something incriminating about our Mr. Scipio?" asked Giles. "Something that might connect him with Pythagorax?"
"Who's talking about Scipio? I mean Snyder," Buffy responded.
"We're having a bake sale this weekend to raise money," Willow announced proudly. "Everybody in the SSG is bringing 4 pies," she giggled, "and we're meeting at the mall at 9:00. I'm making the flyers - I'm using the Greek symbol for pi - but that was Mr. Scipio's idea. We're going to order T-shirts with famous mathematicians and their quotes on them with the money we raise."
"So, you haven't, if we can stay on topic for a moment, found anything peculiar about Mr. Scipio?" asked Giles.
"Club pictures are next Monday," Willow beamed.
"Thank you, Miss Non Sequitur," Cordelia responded.
"Sorry, Giles," said Oz, "no demonic activity to report."
*********************************************************************
The next Monday, they met for their daily math club debriefing. Mr. Scipio's actions had continued to be errratic, but not definitively evil. Buffy's mood had been deteriorating since she had joined, and her friends now struck up conversations with her at their own peril.
"So, how'd the bake-sale go?" Cordelia asked, eliciting warning gazes from her friends.
"It was great!" Willow exclaimed. "We sold all of the pies- Mr. Scipio is persuasive; even Mr. Snyder, who stopped by, ended up buying two of Buffy's pies." She giggled.
"First of all," Buffy snapped, "Snyder only stopped by to spy on me. Second - my mom was out of town so I had to maked them myself..."
"That can't be good," mumbled Xander.
"And finally," she continued, ignoring Xander, "what was wrong with my pies?"
"Oh...nothing, Buffy..." Willow began, apologetically.
"We're just not used to seeing square pies," Oz finished.
"Traditionally they are a little rounder," Willow agreed.
"We didn't have any pie pans," Buffy muttered sulkily.
"You know?" Cordelia began, "Principal Snyder has been in a good mood lately. Xander and I got caught..." she trailed off.
"Smooching in the janitor's closet?" suggested Willow.
Xander picked up the story, "We were sent to see Snyder, but he just told us to be more careful."
"And Oz and I were holding hands in the hallway and Principal Snyder came up and put on his angry face, but then just smiled abd said 'carry on' and walked away." Willow babbled happily.
"What we're trying to say," Oz turned to Buffy, "is that your ritual humiliation is good for the school."
"Speaking of ritual humiliation, how'd the club pictures go?" Cordelia lilted.
"That's it!" Buffy yelled, standing up and heading for the door. "I'm going hunting."
"But it's still a couple of hours 'til sunset," Willow pointed out, "the vampires aren't even up yet."
"I'll wake them up," she responded as she stormed out of the library.
"The girl does know how to make an exit," Xander commented, as he watched her leave.