Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of BTVS. I
just reaarange their lives for them occasionally. They
belong to Joss Whedon and Co. The song "Foolish Pride" is by
Travis Tritt.
Xander watched as Buffy walked down the dark alley, waiting for
at end of it was a tall man. A man Xander knew - Angel. He cringed
as he watched her fall into Angels arms, and kiss him over and over
again. This was his wife, this was the day he had been
dreading. It was the day his world ended and Buffy went back
to her first love - Angel.
Xander knew that Buffy loved him, she did. But Angel was her
first love, the deep true love. Xander had no idea it would
hurt this bad.It was like someone had kicked him in the
stomach repeatedly. But he knew he had to accept it. He loved
Buffy, he wanted her a happy.By this time Angel and Buffy
were walking hand in hand back> to Angels place.
"Xander, Xander wake up! Your having a nightmare!" Buffy was
calling his name and gently shaking him.
He awoke startled to find Buffy next to him in their bed. She
still there.It was just a dream, a bad dream. It had seemed
so real, too real.
"Are you okay? You were crying" she asked with concern. She
had only seenXander cry once since they had married, when his
grandfather died. "What were you dreaming about?"
"Nothing" lied Xander. He had only lied to her once since theyBr> had becomea couple. He had never told her that he knew Angel
was alive all these years.Maybe this dream was payback for
that deception.
"That was not a nothing dream Xan, tell me what it was about"
she asked softley. She was no stranger to nightmares.
Xander decided to tell her the truth about the dream. "I
dreamed that you were going to leave me for Angel."
Buffy spoke in a sweet soft voice now, "Xander I am here with
you, it was just a dream" She put her arms around him and
rocked him like a child, stroking his hair and telling
him she
loved him until he fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next morning was Saturday, she let Xander sleep in.
Little Giles came into,the room. "Shh, let Daddy sleep" she
said softly as she took him downstairs and fixed his
breakfast and turned on cartoons.
She went back upstairs to check on Xander. Xander was awake
when she got there."How are you doing?" she asked as she
hugged him.
"I'm fine. But we do have to talk. I can't keep this from you
any longer" he blurted out.
Buffy was scared, "Has he found someone else?" she thought.
She spoke "What,Xander what can't you keep from me?" She
sounded afraid.
"Buffy when Angel left all those years ago. I knew he was
alive, he even asked me to look after you. I guess I took
advantage of the situation, I ended up with you." sighed
Xander.
Buffy let out a sigh of relief. She could forgive him for
this, Angel thought he was doing the right thing, and she
couldn't imagine her life any other way. "Xander I forgive
you. I love you" she said with a smile.
Xander was amazed. "You love me even though I deceived you?"
"I love you because you confessed silly" explained Buffy.
"Buffy I will never understand you. But I will always love
you. I was, I am willing to let you go, if you decide to
return to Angel I also love you enough to let you go, just
like he did. If thats what you want." said Xander quietly.
Buffy looked at him in shock, "Xander Harris, do you think
that I think so little of you and my children that I would
leave you for Angel."
Xander looked at her uncertainly he had never heard her
speak that angrily since they had gotten married. "Buffy I
just want you to know that I love you as much as he did...as
much as he does. I want you happy. I didn't mean to make you
angry."
"Too late Xander" said Buffy coldly and then she contiued.
"I am with you, I love you, I love our children. I would
never leave you for Angel he is my past. You are my present
and future. Or at least I thought so" she said softly, hurt
apparent in her voice.
"Buffy, I..." Xander didn't know what to say.
Buffy turned to him "I have to go check on my children now"
and she left the room.
The rest of the morning passed quietly. Xander had never
gotten the silent treatment from Buffy before, he didn't
like it. He went into the den that was his office to think
and figure out how to apologize without getting in more
trouble.
Buffy put the kids down for an afternoon nap. Even little
Giles fell asleep he had been playing hard. Buffy lay on
the couch thinking to herself. "I know Xander loves me, but
he still doesn't get that I love him just as much. I guess
he will always think he was second choice. Why do all
the men that profess to love me, think letting
me go is the right choice? I should go talk to him, but
I think I'll let him suffer a little bit more. Maybe
he'll think" She closed her eyes.
Xander turned on the radio to a country station, that
was still his musical choice in bad times. He lay back on
the leather couch and closed his eyes, and old song came on.
He relives every word they spoke in anger
he walks the floor and punches out the wall
to apologize to her would be sof simple
but instead he cries "I'll be damned if I'll crawl"
If he loses her he's lost his best friend
and more then a lover can provide
So he wrestles with emotions that defeat him
chalk up another love lost to foolish pride
Xander lets the words sink in, he slowly gets up off the
couch and walks towards the door of the livingroom.
In the livingroom, Buffy can hear the faint words of the song
on Xanders radio.
Turn out the lights the competitions over
the stubborn souls are the losers here tonight
And while the bridges burn
Another hard, hard lessons learned
As in the ashes passion slowly dies
And this romance goes down to foolish pride.
Buffy stands up and walks towards the door to Xanders office.
They are so deep in thought that they nearly run into
each other.Buffy looks at him forgiveness in her eyes.
Xander looks at her, his eyes full of love and acceptance.
"Buffy, I'm sorry. I do know that you love me and the
kids, sometimes I just get confused. I know our family is
important to you. I am so sorry if I made you feel like
I didn't think we meant as much to you as Angel. Forgive me?"
said Xander full of emotion.
"Xander, I forgive you. I know you love me, I feel like
you think you are second choice. You aren't second choice,
you came after my first love but that doesn't make you
second choice. I can't tellyou that I have no feelings
for Angel. A small part of me will always love him, he was my
first. But you Alexander Harris are my true love.
You are the one who is always there for me. When Angel
left, you were there. I love you Xander" Buffy was near
tears now.
Xander smiling at her took her hand, he led her to the
couch. They sat down holding her close he whispered "I love
you Buffy Summers Harris, I guess I just feel so lucky to
have you, and I keep waiting for something to spoil it. I
have a wonderful life and it just can't last. Because I
just don't feel like I deserve you."
Buffy returned his smile, "Xander, I love you. But you are
so goofy sometimes. You do deserve me, you deserve better.
But your stuck with me now, I'm here for the long run.!" she
snuggled up against him.
Xander kissed the top of her head "Buffy" he said with
a sigh.
"Yes" she replied.
"Next time we fight please just stake me through the heart,
don't use the silent treatment again." He laughed as he
finished the sentence.
Buffy turned to him and joined his laughter. "Okay!" she
replied and pulled him into a kiss.
The End