Slowly But Surely

I tell her that we will see each other again. I tell her that I love
her. I hold her. "I love you Angel" she tells me and falls asleep in my
arms. I don't move, I don't want to wake her, she looks so peaceful.

I sit holding her sleeping in my arms. I told her we would see each other
again, but truthfully I don't know if we will. As I have said before,
sometimes a lie is better then the truth. I do love her though, that is
the truth no matter what happens.

Whistler knocks on the door all too soon. We have to say goodbye. I look
at her trying to memorize every feature of her face. I tell her again that
we will see each other again. I pray its true. I tell her to be happy, I
mean it, her happiness is important to me.

She is crying now, in a whisper, she tells me she loves me and says goodbye.
I leave quickly not wanting to prolong the pain, hers or mine.

Whistler is waiting outside "Lets go Buddy" he says impatiently, then he
quietly asks "You okay?" Whistler is quite a character, hes alot softer
then he lets on. He gets on to me about the poignancy of a vampire with a
soul, how about a demon with a heart?

"I'm okay Whistler. I just want her to be okay." I tell him. I'm worried
about her, she looks so fragile. But, I know her, she is strong.

Whistler says "Shes a strong kid. When push comes to shove, she does what
she has too." He doesn't say it, but we are both thinking it. She was strong
enough to put that sword through me.

I know she had to do it. But it is still so confusing. I felt so muddled
and then she was there. She looked as confused as I felt. She was holding
that sword so defensively. Then her lips were on mine, it felt so good.

I hear her soft voice saying "I love you." I know something is wrong, then
she asks me to close my eyes, her lips are on mine again. Then pain, its
too hard to think about. I know she has suffered, the look of sheer agony
on her face as I was sucked into the vortex. She did what she had to do. I
couldn't expect her to choose me over the fate of all mankind. She did the
right thing.

Its been months since I have seen her, in person. I see her in my dreams
every night. I saw Duncan the other day, he says shes coming for a visit.
"Come see her Angel, it will help" Duncan tells me. I tell him not to tell
her he has seen me. She doesn't need to be bothered with news of me.
Although I treasure every nugget of information Duncan can give me about her.

I can't see her now. I can't risk hurting her. Duncan laughs at me, "You
make it harder then it has to be Angel." He doesn't realize not everyone
can be as happy as he and Anna are.

I can't resist, I go by Duncans just to peek in at her. Buffy, Anna, and
Duncan are in the living room. They are laughing and talking. Buffy is
listening, but her thoughts are somewhere else. Thoughts of me, maybe, I
hope selfishly.

They talk for a couple of hours. The windowsill is uncomfortable, but I
can't tear myself away. Buffy gets up, she is going back to her apartment.
Shakespeare said "The course of true love never did run smooth." If thats
true, then Buffy and I have the truest kind of love, its never run smooth
since day one.

I know I should go now. But I need to make sure she gets to bed safely.
I watch her, I hide as she looks out the window, she is laughint to herself.
She is wearing the ring, the claddagh ring I gave her. She goes to bed.
I turn to go, I don't get ten feet away, when I realize I can't do it.
I can't go without talking to her, without touching her. I turn and go back
to the window.

"Tap, tap" on the window. She gets up and pulls back the shade looking
confused, until she sees my face. Then she smiles and the smile lights up
her face. I've missed that smile. She opens the window and lets me in
without any hesitation.

I tell her the truth, "Its only for tonight>" She is thinking about something
to herself. I don't know what. But she turns to hug me and says sweetly
"I can live with that." I hold her tightly and whisper "I love yous" in
her soft hair. She eagerly returns the embrace.

I can't imagine life without her. We have to find a way to make this work.
Slowly, but surely we WILL find a way.

The End
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