by Great Sage

Ladieeeeeees and Gentlemeeeeeeen

Welcome one and all to the most eagerly awaited event of the third age.

THE BATTLE OF THE CHAMPIONS

Proudly sponsored by Trollocks, The Misunderstood Race.

Concept by Visionair Entertainment.

In the red corner, weighing in at 180 pounds..The Shadowkiller, The Lord of the Morning, The Dragon Reborn,....Raaaaand Al'Thoooooooooooor...(wild applause!!!!!)

And in the blue corner, weighing in at 165 pounds. The Lord of the Western Sea, Overlord of the West, The Godslayer,....Belgarioooooon of Rivaaaaaaa. (more wild applause!!!!!)

Welcome folks to what promises to be a spectacular evening's entertainment. I'm Great Sage, your host for tonight, and I must say that I've been looking forward to this for a long long time. What we have here are two out and out champions, both undefeated, both without peer on their particular worlds, meeting for the first time.

The referee for tonight, Shaidar Haran, is briefing Rand and Garion on the rules for this encounter. And remember folks, it's strictly swords only!!!!!, there'll be no additional powers allowed.

Now let's get straight to the action, Shaidar has left the ring and both of our young champs have received the all clear.... Both combatants circle warily , neither prepared to make the first move. Suddenly it's Garion with a controlled slashing cut, deftly parried by Rand. Rand responds in kind, forcing Garion to quickly defend. Quick decisive blows, each carefully parried, then followed with a counterattack.

Now there has been a lot of conjecture regarding the techniques that would be employed tonight. As we all know, Rand was trained by none other than A'Lan Mandragoran, and any man who can earn praise from Lan is a bladesmaster indeed. Garion on the other hand, has been influenced by the mighty Mandorallen of Vo Mandor, Barak of Trellheim and Hettar of Algaria, legendary warriors all.

The dance of death continues. Parting the Silk is met by Solid Sendarian, Heron Singing is countered by Hettar Taught Me That One. Moon on the Water and Leaf on the Breeze are both countered by What the Hell Was That. Garion is definately on the defensive now folks.....But wait,I get the feeling that Rand is becoming overconfident. He attacks with That Wouldn't Scare a Tinker, quickly followed by I Saw My Mother Do This One...I don't like this folks!!...Garion doesn't like it either. He responds with the wanton Debbie Does Drasnia, a wild move if I've ever seen one.

What's this?..Shaidar Haran has re-entered the ring and halted the fight. This is unprecedented. He is gesturing to Rand's coach Matt Cauthon, calling him ringside. They appear to be having a heated discussion. Let's see if we can hear what's going on folks......Now....Let me see...Here we go.. "I don't care Matt, the rules expressly forbid coaching from the sidelines". Staticstaticstatic. Sorry folks, we can't seem to pick up what Matt's saying so we'll stick with Shaidar. " I couldn't give fifty fat fades who your engaged to Matt. We haven't heard from you in a whole book and now you come in here telling me how to referee a fight. Any more out of you and I'll have you ejected." There folks, things seem to have calmed down a bit. But let me tell you, there's no way you'd catch me arguing with Shaidar, Asmodean was the last person to upset the Big Fella and look what happened to him.

The fight has recommenced and Garion clearly
has the upper hand. It's only lightning reflexes and quick wrists keeping Rand alive. Rand is definately slowing, he's repeatedly shaking his head as if something's wrong....Let's go live to Mindcam, a new innovation being used for the first time tonight. When I flick this switch we should be able to hear what Rand is thinking.

"I said...Get out of my mind" Now hold on a minute Rand, Great Sage here, we paid a lot of money to Thom for these rights and....."Not you idiot ...Ahhh.. ..HIM." ...Hang on folks, I can hear another voice......"Ilyena, Ilyena, my poor Ilyena....... Go for the goolies, Go for the Goolies, hehehehehehehehe..."(insane laughter fades into the distance.)

OH No folks!, there was a disturbing rumour prior to tonight's bout that a large percentage of the late betting was being placed on Garion. Even more disturbing was the belief that most of the funds belonged to, yes you guessed it folks, Lews Therin himself. This could get messy, for as you all know, the Dark One has bet his entire treasury on Rand and he'll be sure to lodge a protest. Yes, it's as I suspected folks, Shaidar Haran is again entering the ring. OHHH NOOOO!!!, he's called off the fight.

The crowd has gone berserk, There are trouts flying in all directions. Hordes of Trollocks are ripping up the seats and throwing them in protest. And was that a low flying Guppy that just missed yours truly?. What a tragedy folks, it seems the burning question of Rand vs Garion may forever remain unanswered.

This has been Great Sage live from Shayol Ghul, wishing you all a very good night, and a safe last battle. 

Raina's Hold / Raina's Library / Raina's Library - Other People's Humour