The Battle of the Champions - Rand vs Darth Vader

by Dedicated Varel

ANNOUNCER: Live from the Death Star II in orbit around beautiful Endor, it's the Second Annual Battle of the Champions!

ANNOUNCER: In the blue corner, weighing in at 180 pounds, the namesake of Randland, the Dragon Reborn, the Car'a'carn, the Coramoor, the Shadowkiller, LTT Reborn himself, Raaaaand al'Thooooooooooooor!!!

The crowd applauds wildly.

ANNOUNCER: And, in the red corner, weighing in at 250 pounds, the champion of the Boonta Eve Classic podrace, the savior of Naboo, bane of the Trade Federation, the Dark Lord of the Sith, Luke Skywalker's father, the protege of the Galactic Emperor, Daaaarth Vaaaaaaaderrrrrrrrrr!!!

Most of the crowd boos, but some applaud wildly.

ANNOUNCER: Jedi Master Luke Skywalker is tonight's referee, and here he is in the center of the ring.

LUKE: Okay, then, you two know the rules. Feel free to use the Force and the One Power, but NO BALEFIRE! Rand, your flamesword is the only melee weapon you can use. Dad, same goes for your lightsaber.

VADER: I'm glad to see you've accepted me as your father.

LUKE: Like I have a choice. Anyway, ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?!?!?!?!

The crowd cheers.

LUKE: Well, then, let's get it on!

The bell rings. Luke steps out of the ring as Rand creates the flamesword and Vader pulls out his lightsaber. The red glow of Vader's lightsaber lights up his black outfit almost as eerily as Rand's flamesword casts shadows across him. Rand reaches out with his free hand, and an invisible fist seems to strike Vader right in the chest, knocking him back a few feet. The announcer turns the Mindcam on, having installed it in both Rand and Vader.

LTT: Use the Power, Rand. Use the Power!

VADER'S MIND: Why didn't I see that coming? Get with it, Darth! Choke him already!

Vader reaches out and does the "reach out and choke someone" attack on Rand. Rand replies with the exact same attack. Luke steps back into the ring after eight seconds of this.

LUKE: Enough choking, you two. Get back. Break!

The choking attacks subside as Luke leaves the ring. Rand charges in, with The Boar Rushes Downhill striking at Vader.

VADER'S MIND: Interesting. If he could be turned...

Vader parries with an upward slash. The flamesword spins around and dives at Vader's mask. Vader uses the Force to knock Rand's hand off to the side.

RAND'S MIND: Um, Lews, a little help would be nice.

LTT: I killed Ilyena...LIGHT HELP ME!

RAND'S MIND: Okay...guess I'll have to do this myself.

Rand focuses and sets Vader aflame.

VADER: Rand, I am your father.

RAND: No, you're not!

VADER: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

RAND: That only works on Luke.

VADER: Oh, well. I tried.

Vader concentrates, and the flames vanish.

RAND: I guess there's only one way to do this.

Rand uses the OP to remove Vader's mask. Rand then melts the mask with Fire.

VADER: Aargh!!! (choke, gasp, choke)

Vader collapses, and Luke steps back into the ring.

LUKE: One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten! KO by Rand al'Thor!

The crowd cheers wildly, except for those Sith Knights in the audience who start attacking everyone they see. The Asha'man step in and eject the Sith Knights. Credits roll.

Raina's Hold / Raina's Library / Raina's Library - Other People's Humour
 

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