The Stag Party Continues

By an unknown author, later revealed as Alys Li

Author's note: The original Stag Party was created by the genius Darkhound and was originally supposed to have 5 parts. Due to popular support, he wrote up to part 12 before ending the series. But now ... hehehehe ... the party continues ...

[Transporting to another world where the Stag Party is happening. . .] Flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker. . . *bump* *splat* a rather profane flicker

[The other flickers look back and see that their companion has fallen and he can't get up. They look at each other, shrug helplessly, then continue on their merry way]

[The Wheel of Time turns. . . actually, the gears are starting to grind ...]

[3 men rush into Prince's Pelvis tavern. All three are covering their ears]

Rand: Whoever thought that the Wheel of Time would make so much noise?
Thom: Well, it has been turning since the moment of creation.
Rand: (picking at his ears) Yeah, well the Creator could at least oil the thing every now and then.

[Perrin saunters over to the pool table]

Rand: Hey, where's Mat?
Thom: (knuckling his mustache) Good question. Mat would never miss a party.
Rand: How about Lan?
Thom: I dunno. Although when I passed by his house on my way here...

[At the Mandragoran household]

[Lan is stuck to the wall with flows of Air. Nynaeve is glowing with the Power]

Nynaeve: And you thought about going out and having FUN?! (sniff) (tug) What do you think this is, one of Darkhound's episodes? (a BIG sniff) (tug) YOU don't go out and have fun. You stay home and have fun with ME! (tug)
Lan: (groaning inside) But sweetie, #1, you don't know how to have fun. and #2, how can this be a Stag party episode without me being out?
Nynaeve: (a HUGE tug) Hello?!!! This is an alternate universe! Anything is possible. (sniff) Now, I just bought a karaoke machine. . .
Lan: SCREAM!!!

[Meanwhile, back at the Prince's Pelvis]

Rand: Barman, when will Selene be performing?
Barman: Sorry kid, Selene mysteriously disappeared. It was rumored that some blonde psycho blonde woman did something with her.
Rand: Light! What kind of episode is this supposed to be? No Selene and Mat for the innuendo. No Lan. What is this, another PoD?
Thom: (walking over to Rand) Relax, kid. You got me and Perrin.
Rand: (very sarcastically) Right. What's Perrin gonna do? Find that Berelain is here and get stuck in between her and Faile?
Thom: (consulting his script) Hmmmm. . . you never know.

[Suddenly, Lan rushes into the tavern. Rand and Thom rush over to him]

Rand: Lan!
Thom: What happened?
Lan: (huffing and puffing) Nynaeve got a karaoke machine and tried to have fun by singing. She kept me tied with the Power and made me sing along with her.
Rand: (wincing at the thought of Nynaeve singing) How did you escape?
Lan: Well, strangely enough, a poodle fell out the sky and hit Nynaeve, knocking her unconscious.
Thom: (look at the author of this story) I think the poodle joke has been played out.
Lan: HEY!! He saved my life!! (looking at the writer) Thank you.
Writer: You're welcome Lan. After all, I had to get you here somehow.

[Author turns to Thom]

Author: As for you. . .

[A poodle falls on Thom. Thom walks away muttering about his head ]

[Meanwhile, back at the Mandragoran household]

Nynaeve: (sniff) (tug) (tug) (tug) (sniff) And when I woke up, I found him gone.
Faile: Yeah, well Perrin managed to slip out while I was ... (scratches her head) what was I doing?
Nynaeve: (sniff) Well, I know where they went. (tug) I say me and you take a trip down to the Prince's Pelvis. (tug)
Faile: And how do YOU know that they are there?

[Suddenly, the dormant karaoke machine springs to life. Nynaeve grabs the microphone and starts singing]

Nynaeve: "Cause intuition, tells me. . ."
Faile: (muttering) I'm gonna strangle Natalie Imbruglia next time I see her.

[author note: The author has nothing against Natalie Imbruglia. In fact, he loves her!]

[Back to the Prince's Pelvis]

Rand: (yawn) What a boring episode.
Lan: Tell me about it.
Thom: Well, some fireworks are really gonna fly right about. . . . . . . now.

[The barman steps unto the stage area]

Barman: Ladies and gentlemen! Unfortunatly, due to an accident, Selene will not be performing tonight.

[Booes erupt from the crowd]

Barman: (raising his voice) BUT WAIT! In the place of Selene, a young lady has volunteered her services about 5 minutes ago. Presenting, Berelain!

[Berelain steps unto the stage. She looks around, then jumped unto the pool table in front of Perrin. The music starts and she immediately starts to do the sa'sara. Thom is knuckling his mustache furiously. Perrin tries to run away but is snagged by Berelain]

Rand: (leaning to Thom) OK, maybe this episode is more interesting than I thought. I suppose Faile walks in right now?
Thom: Not quite yet.

[Berelain is trying to kiss Perrin. Suddenly, a horizontal gateway opens up and Selene falls out, landing on Berelain and knocking her out]

Perrin: Thank you, Selene!! I'm so relieved that I could kiss you.
Faile: (standing at the door with THAT pose) WHAT?! Perrin Aybara, you get your butt over here. Who's that on the floor?
Perrin: Ummmm. . . (trying to push Faile to the door) what do say me and you leave right now?
Faile: Now just wait a minute. (gets a closer look) That's . . . HER!!. Farmboy, you have major explaining to do ...
Perrin: (looking around) Guys? Hey, where'd you all go? Come back! You can't leave me like this!

The End

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