PART VII

Tom slumped down onto a vacant biobed and gingerly touched his jaw. He winced sharply. His gaze quickly roved over sickbay, searching for the nearest med kit. He spotted a neat gray kit lying upon the biobed next to his. He reached out impulsively, but paused for a moment. The kit was lying on Janeway's vacant bed.

He glanced up sharply, scanning sickbay for her. She was too ill to leave sickbay; she wasn't supposed to leave for another few days! Relief washed through him as he caught a glance of her silhouette in the doorway to the doctor's office, arms propped up upon the door frame. She appeared to be gazing absently towards the computer console on the desk. As if she had a sixth sense, her gaze slowly shifted over to meet his. He didn't breath for a moment as her blue eyes locked with his. Her arms dropped to her sides and she wordlessly glided from the doorway towards him. As she approached, face set into an emotionless mask, Tom realized he was gawking. He quickly shut his jaw, and winced as the pain spiked through him.

She must have noticed something, because her blue eyes flickered over his features uncertainly and she slowed to a halt a few feet before him. “ Are you all right?” She asked softly.

“ You shouldn't be standing up. You've been sick,” Tom managed.

She ignored the warning, gaze drifting down to his jaw, taking in the freshly bruised skin. Tom felt a blush creep to his cheeks. She stepped impossibly closer, hand drifting up, fingers gently pressing his jaw. He couldn't fight the pain from registering upon his features, and her eyes softened. Her gaze slinked down to the medkit behind her, and in one motion she had it open.

“ Hold still,” She murmured, gently cupping his chin to tilt his head up as she ran the healing device over his jaw. Tom didn't move, wordlessly allowing her to mend his wound. After an interminable moment, the slight whir of the instrument ceased, and she took a step back to survey her handywork. “ Better?”

Tom opened and closed his mouth a few times, testing. He offered her a shadow of a smile. “ Much.”

She nodded, slid the instrument back into the medkit, closed it with a click. Tom didn't speak as she pushed it aside, slid back up onto the biobed opposite his. Wisely, she didn't ask about the jaw. Instead, they simply gazed at each other in silence for a few moments. Finally, Tom murmured, “ You should really rest some more. You're not completely better.”

She waved him off. “ I've felt worse.”

Tom took a moment to glance around sickbay, making sure no one was conscious within hearing distance. When he was sure that no one was, he turned back to her.

“ Thanks,” He said, pointing to his jaw.

She nodded mutely. “ I could say the same to you.”

“ So why don't you?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow up. Her eyes narrowed, as if trying to figure out if he was angry or teasing. She must have figured out that it was the latter, because her shoulders relaxed, and she offered him a half smile.

“ Thank you, Tom. For the care.”

“ It's my job. Well, part time, at least.”

An akward silence descended upon them. Tom broke it again with, “ I'll apologize again, if that's what you want.”

Her gaze shot up. “ No.” She said it a little too quickly. Her eyes broke away from his.

Tom waited.

After a moment of thought, she murmured, “ Maybe I should apologize to you. To all of you.”

“ Captain?”

She shrugged her thin shoulders. “ I've been out of sorts lately-- and I can't blame it on a fever. I know I've been unreasonable at times.”

“ We all know you have a hard job, Captain. We understand the toll it's taken upon you,” he replied softly.

“ Yes, but that doesn't justify me taking it out on you.” She sighed. “ I'm not going to apologize for your demotion, Tom. I still believe that was the right thing to do.”

He nodded.

“ But I'll admit the degree of punishment did involve personal motives, and for that,” Her eyes slinked up to meet his, “ I am sorry.”

“ I forgive you.”

She nodded slowly. A moment of silence passed before she murmured, “ And I want you to know-- I forgive you for the recent... incident.”

Tom's gaze darted away. “ You shouldn't.”

“ What?”

Tom shook his head. “ It's not that simple.”

“ How so?” She gazed at him. “ You apologized. I forgive you. What's not simple about it?”

“ You forgive me... but do you?” He hopped down from the biobed. “ I don't even know if I forgive me.”

“ Tom...?”

“ It's ruined everything...” He murmured.

Understanding dawned upon Kathryn. “ In time, I'm sure B'Elanna--”

He turned upon her, and spoke with quiet intensity, “ This isn't about B'Elanna.”

At her bewildered expression, he elaborated, “ We've been having so many problems recently, and this latest event... it was the straw that broke the camel's back. It would have happened eventually. She knew it and I knew it. It's not B'Elanna I'm talking about.”

Kathryn blinked. “ Then... what are you talking about?” She asked quietly.

“ I--” Tom suddenly felt ridiculous. He raked a hand through his hair, offered a sheepish smile in an attempt to cover up the turmoil of his feelings. She stared at him intently, and he knew she wouldn't let him off of the hook. Tom let out a weary breath, and finally confessed, “ If you and I were ever to, well, be together... on our own... well, because of this... it might have happened before this. Someday. I mean,” He paused, “ Not necessarily have happened. But, the possibility was always there. And now... this has ruined it.”

He watched her expression carefully as she comprehended his words. After a moment of thought, she leaned back upon the biobed, watching him. “ How so, Tom?”

Tom glanced up sharply. “ Captain?”

“ Why does this have to be an end, Tom? Why can't this simply be... a beginning?”

Tom gazed at her in disbelief. “ Captain, maybe you missed what I was implying--”

She inturrupted him quietly, “Call me Kathryn off-duty, Tom.”

Tom gaped at her in silence for a long moment. Finally, he spoke, “ This has to be a dream. I never would have thought...” He paused a moment, reached out, lightly touched her cheek. Her eyes upon him were questioning, and he smiled a little smile. “ I'm just making sure you're real.”

“ As real as you are.”

He nodded slowly, sinking back onto the biobed across from hers. After a moment, he asked, “ So, what now?”

“ Time. We all need some time.” Kathryn murmured. “ To think, to work things out, to heal. To take everything slowly.”

“ And then?” He asked, blue eyes locking with hers.

She smiled warmly at him. “ We'll see.”

He felt a smile creep across his face as well. “ We have forty years to sort everything out. Think that'll be enough?”

“ More than enough.” She replied.

“ And you think everything will work out in the end? I mean, with B'Elanna, Chakotay, the crew-- and us..?”

Kathryn gazed at him thoughtfully, as if searching for something. She seemed to find it, because she smiled as if she possessed some secret knowledge.

“ I know it will.”

At the conviction in her words, Tom realized his own conviction. “I think so, too.” He said; they gazed at one another fondly in the half light of sickbay. As Tom reflected upon his words, he realized something:

He believed them.

THE END

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