Part I
“I’m really okay. Really,” she replied, patting his hand reassuringly. “And I really wish everyone would get over it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, not looking the least bit sorry. “We’re all worried, and rightly so. What Willow did was ….unconscionable. It’s hard to believe that it all went as well as it seems to have.”
“I’m really-truly fine. Back for a week and no bad.” She looked guilty. “Except for the not sleeping too well.”
“Dreams?” he asked quickly.
“You know, the waking up in a box type,” she clarified. “No - of course you wouldn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “What you went through – it’s unthinkable.”
“But it’s over,” she interrupted. “And I’m back. All is good. Don’t go giving Willow a hard time!”
“I wasn’t going to!” he defended himself. “Okay, I was,” he admitted, under her cynical scrutiny. “But she needs to understand the danger of what she did….magick like that is dangerous, sometimes fatal. There are always consequences.”
“That’s what Spike said,” remembered Buffy.
“Spike isn’t always wrong,” conceded Giles. “But never tell him I said that!”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. But go easy on Willow, won’t you?” pleaded Buffy.
“She has to learn. She can’t just let her emotions control her magick. Sunnydale is quite dangerous enough already.”
“And on that note…” Buffy stood up and began to wrap her hands, still painful despite Slayer healing. “How is if everyone is so concerned about me that I can’t get a Watcher’s note to get out of patrolling?” She smiled at him.
“I think you should patrol,” he said wryly. “As long as you feel up to it.”
“I feel fine,” she said, exasperated.
“You going alone?”
She snorted. “As if! Spike’s tagging along. I’m not allowed move a step without someone shadowing me to make sure I don’t…I don’t know, accidentally stop living?”
Giles suddenly looked serious. “It was a long summer, Buffy.”
“A hundred and forty-seven days,” she replied, absentmindedly.
“What?”
“147 days,” she repeated. “Spike counted. Is that sweet or really creepy?” she wondered. “I can’t decide.”
“I don’t think I can comment on the mating rituals of the young,” said Giles, with a well concealed smile.
“Giles!! Eww! And he’s not young, he’s like, twice your age!”
“He’s one hundred and forty!” protested Giles in disgust. “Twice my age indeed!”
They were interrupted by a blond head at the door and a call of “Oi, Slayer, you ready yet?”
“Yup,” she replied. “And do I really have to be babysat?”
“Well now I feel so welcome!” snorted Spike. “And yes! Rupert, what have you done to her? She’s crankier than usual!”
“Been patronising and annoying, no doubt,” said Giles, looking at her affectionately.
“No!” protested Buffy. “You weren’t! Not at all! I’m glad you’re back.” She gave him a hug.
“Okay, feeling sick now,” Spike offered. “Buffy? Violence?”
“Don’t tempt me!” she said, wagging a finger at him.
“I shall see you tomorrow,” said Giles, “Might get some reading in before bed. God, I miss these books…”
“Right then,” said Spike, “You and me, violence.”
“Okay.” Buffy turned to follow him.
“That was not very enthusiastic!” Spike sounded concerned. “What’s wrong, pet?”
“Why does there have to be something wrong?” she asked, exasperated. “You’re all driving me mad!”
“Sorry,” said Spike, looking at her cautiously.
“Everyone is being so damn…”
“You wanna try hitting me?”
“Nice,” she finished. “What?”
“C’mon, hit me! Might make you feel better!”
She began to laugh. “No one else has gone quite that far with the being nice!” she admitted.
“You’re not going to hurt me,” he reminded her.
“Wanna bet?” she said, a gleam in her eye. He grinned. That was what he wanted to see.
She punched him in the face and he staggered. Okay, he’d forgotten quite how strong she was.
“Doncha miss this?” she said, advancing towards him. “You and me, beating the shit out of each other? Oh, of course without you being able to do much really.”
He ducked her next blow and parried a vicious right hook.
“Hey! Mind the face!” he pouted, rolling to the ground to avoid a kick.
“Spike, stop running away!” she shouted, diving to the ground on top of him.
“What would Xander say if he walked in?” chuckled Spike, now enjoying himself.
Straddling Spike. Compromising position, she realised. She thumped him for good measure. Pest probably got off on that. While she processed these uncomfortable ideas, she found herself flying through the air and hitting the ground, hard.
“What happened?” she said, scrambling to her feet. Something not right. “Why aren’t you in pain?”
Spike was looking confused but not hurt.
“I don’t know,” he said, worriedly.
Her eyes widened.
“The chip! What did you do to it?”
“Nothing!” he said indignantly.
They glared at each other.
“Spike, hit me,” ordered Buffy.
“What? No!”
“Spike, come on,” she urged. “We have to test it.”
“I don’t want to hit you,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms.
“Like you’re going to hurt me,” she taunted. “You never did before!”
“That’s not going to work, pet,” he said evenly.
“Double dare ya!” she said, throwing a punch at his chest.
He glared at her.
“Double-triple dare ya!” she mocked, beginning to make chicken noises.
“Oww!” she yelled, bringing her hand to her bruised face.
Spike looked at his own fist, bemused.
“Isn’t this the kind of thing we should tell Giles?” wondered Buffy.
“Should we test if I can bite you first?” he asked mischievously. Seeing the look on her face he reconsidered. “No, maybe not.”
*****
“You can WHAT?” Xander was not taking the news well.
“Hit her,” repeated Spike slowly and loudly, as though speaking to the hard of hearing.
“You can what?”
“Can I hit him?” an exasperated Spike begged Giles. Buffy laid a restraining hand on his sleeve, calming him instantly.
“This can’t be good,” said Giles, stating the somewhat obvious. Spike and Xander gave him identical looks of disgust.
“How did you find out?” demanded Xander, practically dancing with excitement. “If you’re really all Watcher’s pet these days then why were you trying to hit Buffy? How do you accidentally find out that you can commit random acts of violence?!”
Spike looked at Buffy and then at the array accusing faces.
“She double-triple dared me,” he finally admitted with great reluctance, rolling his eyes.
“We were training,” added Buffy in further explanation.
“I thought you were supposed to be patrolling,” Giles reminded her.
“Well, we forgot about the time,” she said defensively. “And I need to train. I’ve been lying on my back for long enough. And it’s not like there’s any great evil out there at the moment.”
“No, it’s right here, drinking blood under our noses. And it’s got its arm around your waist, Buffy!” Xander pointed out.
Buffy shook Spike off, cross with herself. Maybe she really wasn’t on her game at the moment. She should probably have noticed that….
“There’s only one way to test this,” declared Giles, looking resolute.
“What? Test what?” asked Buffy.
“They’re going to send me to a bloody lab!” wailed Spike. “Do experiments on me! Finish me off if I don’t work!”
“Oh for god’s sake man, relax!” snapped Giles. “You need to try to hit one of us. To see if the chip has stopped working or….if it’s just Buffy.”
“Why would it be….me?” Buffy trailed off, realisation hitting her. “Something went wrong with the spell.”
“Nothing went wrong!” said Spike urgently, gripping her by the arms and looking into her eyes.
“It can’t have!” said Willow, looking pale. “Everything went right. Buffy, you came back right!”
“Hit one of us,” repeated Giles tiredly, removing his glasses.
Spike squared up to Xander. Giles replaced his glasses.
“Hey!” protested Xander. “Why does it have to be me?”
“Spike’s choice,” said Giles, sanguinely.
“No fair,” grumbled Xander, shutting his eyes and tensing himself. He opened his eyes to snap, “You hurt me, you’re going to be sorry!”
“If I can hurt you, you’re going to be sorry,” corrected Spike, taking a swing at him.
They both yelled in pain. Giles sighed in something like relief.
“So it’s me?” wailed Buffy. “Giiiles!”
“We need to think about this,” said Giles slowly.
“Oh yes, much consulting of books,” agreed Buffy bitterly. “Hang on! What if Spike can’t hurt people he wants to hurt?”
She was greeted with blank looks.
“That’s what the chip was for, wasn’t it? Spike, do you want to hit Giles?” she asked.
“No,” he said, with a shrug.
“Then try him,” she urged, to Giles evident concern.
“Buffy!” he remonstrated.
“Everyone’s sooo worried about my resurrection until it involves getting punched by Spike!” she chided.
“I’m okay with the whole deal,” offered Spike.
“Take it like a man,” said Xander, still nursing his jaw.
Giles removed his glasses with a deep sigh. “Go easy on the nose,” he said.
Buffy found herself holding her breath as Spike’s fist moved through the air.
Giles staggered backwards, holding his face, and Spike clutched his head, cursing.
“Damn!” muttered Buffy.
Giles straightened himself and looked at her sympathetically.
“We don’t know what this means,” he said, attempting to sound reassuring. “We don’t even know how the blasted chip worked in the first place.”
“All we know is that Spike can hit demons,” Buffy said quietly. “And he can hit me. I don't have advanced degrees in logic but doesn’t that mean….”
“You’re not a demon!” gasped Willow. “The spell…it can’t have…”
“Honey, you’re not a demon,” said Tara firmly. She had watched the unfolding events with great attention. “We’ll have a look at the history of the spell, see if we can find an explanation but you – are – not – a – demon!”
Buffy gave her a weak smile.
“You know, pet,” Spike piped up, “You’re more likely to be an angel.”
“And you can hit angels?” said Buffy sardonically, for once glad of Spike’s ready wit.
“Do we have to listen to his crappy chat-up lines?” complained Xander. “This is serious!”
“No, it’s ridiculous,” corrected Tara. “We’re talking about Buffy being a demon. And that’s ridiculous.”
“Always consequences,” murmured Giles. Spike looked up abruptly and the two men exchanged knowing glances.
“I can do a spell!” said Willow, excitedly. “See what happened…we could see if…”
“We’re going home to look up books,” said Tara, decisively. “No spells!”
“But!” Willow looked hurt. “It would be quicker! You guys don’t trust me?”
“We trust you. But we’re doing this with books!” Tara looked amused but determined. “Think of it as homework!”
“Sounds more like punishment!” grumbled Willow.
“You like homework,” Tara reminded her, sweeping an arm around her girlfriend’s waist and escorting her towards the door.
“You should give us a call if you start growing a tail!” she quipped to Buffy.
“No tails!” said Spike firmly, laying down the law. There would be no tails.
Buffy relaxed. Things couldn’t be that bad if she had the whole gang around her, laughing at the notion of her being a demon. In fact, it was the most relaxed they had all been since she had come back…..
Before Willow and Tara had reached the door, it burst open; a hysterical Anya falling inside.
“Anya! What is it?” Xander ran to her side.
“Evil – giant – evil – bunny!” gasped Anya, sobbing.
Buffy looked at Giles, confused. “Is there a prophecy about this?” she asked. “Cos ya could’ve told me!”
“What – ah – type of big evil bunny?” asked Giles, in research mode.
Buffy and Spike both began to giggle.
Giles glared at them.
“I hope you’re still laughing when you’re fighting the big evil bunny!” he scolded, beginning to smile himself.
“Bring it on!” said Spike, trying to sound fierce, but looking less intimidating than usual as he tried not to choke with laughter.
“It chased me!” yelled Anya. “It chased me down the street and it growled at me!”
“Did it say anything?” asked Giles, ignoring Buffy’s collapse into near hysterics.
“It was a bunny!” said Anya, growing irate. “They can’t talk! You people aren’t taking this seriously!”
Buffy fell off her seat, sliding to the floor and clutching her stomach.
Something banged on the door.
“It’s found me!” screamed Anya, burying her face in Xander.
“It is technically possible that it could be a customer,” suggested Giles. “We do still have them, don’t we?”
“It’s a big, pink, furry customer,” reported Willow, peering through the window. “Do you sell carrots these days?”
“We’re all doomed!” wailed Anya.
The door crashed to the ground. Buffy was sure she could see Giles mentally calculating the cost of repairs.
Anya’s screams were loud enough to….well, wake the dead.
The uninvited guest did not look terrifying.
It was a bunny.
“Get away from my girlfriend!” yelled Xander, one arm protecting Anya and the other swiping at the rabbit.
“Oh for god’s sake,” said Spike, walking towards the monster rabbit, pulling up his sleeves dramatically.
He punched it in its furry face and it threw him across the room.
“Consequences,” said the rabbit in a sinister tone, advancing on Anya.
“This is really strange, even by our standards,” complained Buffy. “Are we in a Monty Python film or something?”
“Ow!” said Spike, pointedly, from the ground.
Buffy sighed and made for the rabbit. Spike got there before her, determined to have his revenge. Between them, they hauled it away from Anya. Buffy’s attempt to stake it had no effect. Spike straddled it and punched it repeatedly.
Buffy ran off for weapons and Spike continued his single handed assault.
“Owwww!” he yelled as the rabbit flipped him over and got him in a head-lock. “Any chance of a spell, ladies?” he gasped.
Willow and Tara looked at each other.
“Surely you don’t need help fighting the bunny rabbit?” asked Tara with a smirk.
“Besides, it’s cute!” said Willow.
“And it’s dead!” declared Buffy, slashing it’s head off with one strike from a broad sword.
“You got blood all over my duster!” whined Spike, brushing himself off.
“Thank you, Buffy,” gasped Anya, throwing herself at the Slayer and hugging her. “You saved us all. And from a bunny!” She shuddered.
“What is it with you and bunnies?” asked Willow, with genuine curiosity.
“What do you mean?”
“No one else has an overwhelming terror of them,” pointed out Giles.
“None of you know….” Anya stopped herself. “And you never can. It would haunt you forever.”
“You’ve never even told me,” realised Xander. “Maybe you should share.”
“No, you’d never sleep again,” said Anya, firmly. “It’s a burden I must bear alone.”
“You can tell me,” drawled Spike. “I’m the Big Bad,” He was interrupted by a snort from Buffy, “And I don’t sleep anyway,” he continued, ignoring her. “Go on!”
“Okay, come here,” said Anya, reluctantly, beckoning.
To Xander’s horror, the two bent their heads together in secret consultation.
“Dear god!” said Spike, as Anya finished. Sounding rather like Giles, thought Buffy with unexpected affection.
“You’re a brave woman,” he congratulated the ex-demon, shaking her by the hand.
“Spike?” Buffy looked at him as he returned, the noise level of the room rising once more. “Tell!”
“Couldn’t, pet,” he grinned.
“Spike!”
“Not a word will I tell you,” he repeated, looking pleased with himself.
“Do I have to beat it out of you?” she asked. His grin broadened.
“I can hit back you know,” he reminded her.
She started to smile.
“Which means I don’t have to hold back any more!”
“You …hold back?” he said, horrified.
“Out of pity,” Buffy spelt out, knowing this was guaranteed to annoy him.
“Right, that’s it, you and me, outside!” he growled, rising to his feet.
“No, lots of research, inside,” corrected Giles, laying a hand on each of their shoulders. “We have both the resurrection spell and a giant evil bunny who intoned the word ‘consequences’ to look up.”
“Time to hit the books,” said Willow cheerfully.
“Time to hit you later,” said Spike under his breath to Buffy.
“It’s a date.”