Author: Chauni
Email: ChauniMaxwell@mechpilot.com
Website: www.oocities.org/asukalangley2nd/
Warnings: Sap…lot’s and lot’s of sap
Pairings: 3x4
Disclaimer:
I don’t own the GW boys, or “Sweet
Surrender” by Sarah MacLauchlan, nor did I make any money off this. Pity me.
Sweet Surrender
it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
I
was not surprised at my own actions. It was strange, now that I can remember it
all. I stepped in front of the blow, a calm demeanor as usual, staring out at
the scene laid out before me. Normally, I feel so empty, so alone in this
universe, doing my tasks as efficiently and detached as Heero, but this time I
do believe I felt more inside myself than ever before.
Some
would say that I did what I did for Heero, but they couldn’t be farther from
the truth. I remember looking at Sandrock, through Sandrock, and seeing
the beautiful face of my desert rose staring back at me, angst more sharp than
a dagger through the heart, wrenched across his face.
It
was then that I knew what to do, what I had to do.
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I remember
thinking that my legacy would be nothing, just some nameless soul as I should
be, as I was during life. The only person that would most likely ever remember
this forsaken soldier would be Quatre, but that was all that truly mattered. I
would rather be remembered by one person with love than by a thousand people
with indifference.
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
Oh, God,
did it hurt! That pain, that tearing! I shudder to this day when I recall it.
In the blinding light, I wanted to scream, but no sound could issue forth; I
wouldn’t allow it. I should perish silently, less for my dearest to be burdened
with, I suppose. However, I could hear him scream from where he sat in his
Gundam, across that empty and cold space, and I could feel his tears against my
burning flesh.
I do
believe, right then, I wish things could have turned out different. I think I
wished, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I was not forced to carry
the weight of the colonies upon my shoulders and I could turn back time. It was
not my own death that made me think these thoughts, but the emptiness that I
knew Quatre felt. Perhaps I sound conceited here, but I know he felt it, only
because I felt it as well.
Who knew
death would be lonelier than life?
where every step I took in
faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home
How I
wished could have been in Quatre’s embrace right then, so gentle and delicate
like him. His face was always so reassuring and peaceful, his heart so full of
nothing but love and mercy. He surely is the one that brought us all together,
and in turn, brought the peace finally into my life. He returned me my soul,
holding it out to me with large clear eyes and a small smile.
Yet, now
due to this war, a needed war, but a war nonetheless, I cannot go home. I
cannot return to the one person who bestowed unto me any sort of illusive calm.
Now, I feel death, and with that, the void of eternity.
Quatre….
and sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
Beautiful
rose in a desert of death, I wished for your arms in that vast darkness. I
wanted to give into you, like all those nights before. I remember clearly,
stepping out of my Gundam upon first meeting you, my hands raised. You looked
at me like an equal, no fear, no doubt, no hate. You trusted me with your whole
heart upon that first time we laid eyes on each other, you smiling so
innocently, as if no blood had ever stained your hands. I really think that
none ever has, regardless of the battles and death we both have been subjected
to.
I would be
complete if I spent the entire remainder of my life staring into your eyes.
Nothing would suit me more.
you take me in
no questions asked
I recall
our first night together; how you shook against my flesh like the fear of death
gripped your soul, but you stared up at me with nothing but love in your eyes.
I held you for so long, and swore on that night to protect you no matter what
the cost. You kissed me, your lips so soft and warm against my own. You fed me
a rush of emotions, things I never knew existed in such an impartial world.
Someone
loved me.
Someone
gave me a reason to keep fighting.
Someone
gave me hope.
you strip away the ugliness
that surrounds me
And in
that night, with the moon high and swollen as if pregnant, I forgot about the
crimson that always stained my palms when I looked at them. I couldn’t remember
the death that always followed me, nor the blood that I had shed. I disregarded
the war at hand and the missions that were supposed to take precedence over all
else. In that darkness, I was yours and you were mine, even when you whispered
my name against my ear, your breath tickling the flesh.
And in the
void of death, I was so cold and longing for your warm embrace, just once more.
I could get through an eternity of nothing as long as I could feel your lips
against my own just one more time.
I closed
my eyes in the darkness, feeling its cold tendrils caressing my flesh, inviting
my submission, my demise.
are you an angel
am I already that gone
I could
feel a warmth against my flesh and saw a small radiance through my eyelids. I
opened one of my emerald eyes, astonished to see you before me. Your eyes
stared at me, a pure sea-green that makes the deepest ocean look corrupt, while
your flesh glows with a brilliance that is impossible to achieve. You wore a
long robe, plain and white, and your hair shimmered like gold. Feathered angel
wings, divine and sacred, whiter than snow, protruded from your back.
Your arms
wrapped around me, your wings enforcing your soft embrace. You pulled me in,
like you always have, like you always will.
I only hope
that I won't disappoint you
when I'm down here
on my knees
Your lips
were so close to mine, your body so inviting. Is this my eternity? To be with
you? Am I truly worthy of such a thing? I didn’t dare kiss you; I didn’t want
to spoil this fragile moment.
“Quatre…”
I whispered.
“Trowa.”
Your voice
was like heaven to my ears, something so untainted and pure. I recalled playing
music side by side, our notes mingling together into the air, feeling so close
to you in that instant. I remember loving you, something so comforting in such
a confusing world.
“You can’t
leave me yet, Trowa.”
and sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
I was not
about to argue with you, my angel, my savior. I did not agree and fight out of
greed or selfishness; my life was the furthest thing from my mind. I remember
feeling that safety within your sparkling eyes, the love in that large innocent
smile, and knowing that you needed me. I had to be there, to protect you.
I had
something worth fighting for now, and I could not give up yet.
sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
You
disappeared into the darkness that surrounded us then, taking all the radiance
and heat with you. I wanted to cry in the encompassing blackness, but I knew
that would not help me, help you. I fought, with intensity I fought for you.
I suppose
in a way, I have become your knight, your protector, as surely as you have
become mine. I am but a slave to you, and you, my beloved angel, are my drug.
and I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
I remember
looking out at the sky as I sat outside the circus one cool night, the wind
kissing my face as softly as you used to. I remember feeling your pain, not
even sure who you were, just knowing that you needed me. I could taste the salt
in your tears on my lips, hear you whispers in my ears. I remember the scorn I
received for such feelings, how much my sister despised my leaving. Nothing and
no one could keep me from you though, not then and not now.
I remember
looking into your eyes again, that peaceful sea-green that seemed inhuman, and
falling in love with you all over once more. I remember the sensation of your
unearthly warm flesh against my own and knowing you are the reason I continue
to breath.
I miss the little things
oh I miss everything
In that
time we were apart, I remember the emptiness within my soul. My will to fight
and battle had been ripped from my heart; I had nothing to protect any longer.
I could not remember exactly what was missing, but I knew it was the core of my
being. I remember a face, one more beautiful than any painting, one innocent
boy who could put this weary soul to good use.
I missed
you, my beloved.
it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
My words
are nothing, really. I was never truly good with words; you were the first
person I have ever opened up to, as you very well know.
Stop
crying, little one. Come here. Let me hold you.
the life I left behind me
is a cold room
“Oh,
Trowa,” you say. “I can’t believe you feel that much for me.”
With a
steady hand, I reach over and wipe the tears from your smooth cheeks, then
bring them to my lips. I want no emotion of yours to go to waste.
“So, my
little one, will you marry me?” I ask again, holding up the small, velvet black
box. The ring inside glitters in the light, catching and twisting the radiance
within the facets of the diamond.
You hold
your hand out, something small and delicate and clean, oh so clean. You can
cleanse me of my past, but now that I think about it, you already have.
“Of course
I will, Trowa.” Your tears refuse to stop their precession down your cherub
face. “I love you, always and forever, until the end of time.”
“And I,
you, my beautiful angel. Until the end of time.”
The End