perils of parenting (how not to tell your kid he's a time-traveler)

Spoilers for Drums of Autumn

Stay or go - either way, Bree and Roger are going to face some
pretty wild parenting challenges. Telling your kid about the
birds and the bees is one thing, telling him about the Stones
is something else...

1. Bree and Roger and Jemmy stay in the 18th century

Ten-year-old Jemmy: Mama, where did I come from?

Bree: Well, there was this pirate called Bonnet... no, you're too
young for that story. Actually, your daddy followed me here from
the 20th century...

Jemmy: What?

Bree: I came here from two hundred years in the future. Through
a circle of standing stones. Then your daddy followed me...

Jemmy: Daddy, what's Mama talking about?

Roger: It's true, son. We're from the future. I followed her and
found her here and that's how we got together and made you! Then
your grandad gave me to the Iroquois and... no, you're too young
for that story.

Jemmy: Granny! Granny! Mama and Daddy are scaring me!

Claire: It's all true, Jemmy. We're all from the future. This is
the past. I came to Scotland through the Stones first, and met
your grandad, then I went back and raised your mama, then I came
back here in the past again and found Jamie married to this awful 
woman with hairy legs... no, you're much too young for that story!

Jemmy: Grandda! Are you from the future too?

Jamie: Och no, lad, I'm from Scotland. I canna time-travel. But I'm 
verra glad Claire can! And of course I'm glad Brianna can. I'm not
at all glad MacKenzie can, but he's descended from that witch, so...

Roger: I'll stuff your head up your arse again, Fraser!

Bree: Oh Da, Roger, stop it - or I'll shoot both of you!

Claire: Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!

Jemmy: Aaaaargghh! [Runs off into the forest, never seen again.]

2. Bree and Roger and Jemmy go to the 20th century

Ten-year-old Jemmy: Mom, where did I come from?

Bree: I knew you were going to ask that some day, Jemmy, and I'm
going to be completely honest with you. My mother didn't tell me
I'd been conceived 200 years ago until I was 20, and it was a big
shock. I think you'll find it easier to adjust at your age.

Jemmy: What?

Bree: Here's the deal: you were born in the 18th century. Your dad
and I can travel through time, and so can you!

Jemmy: Dad, what's Mom talking about?

Roger: It's true, son. There are these stone circles, you see, and
when you walk through them you go back - or forward - a couple of
hundred years. So your mom went back, to look for her mother, who
went back to find her husband, and I followed Brianna, and that's 
where we made you. Then we all came back to the future.

Jemmy: Dad, are you on drugs?

Roger: You watch your mouth, my lad. I'm telling you the truth. I can
time-travel. Your mom can time-travel. And you can time-travel too!

Bree: So you see, Jemmy, it's just like that Star Trek episode. We
went back through the Stones, and you were born there, and your
granny and grandpa are still back there in the past. And my cousin
Ian, and my Aunt Jenny and Aunt Jocasta, and this pirate called

Roger: And I'm descended from a witch, and your grandad beat me up 
and gave me to the Iroquois, but at least I got the gems, and then 
your granny - who was born here, but went back, and came forward 
again, and went back again - well, she's a doctor and she put maggots
in my foot...

Bree: Oh Jemmy, I'm so glad you asked! We've got so much to tell you!
Just sit down now, and you can hear the whole story!

Jemmy: You're both nuts! Aaaaargghh! [Runs out of the house, never seen again.]

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