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An Adoptee's First Contact Search Strategy
Bellies, Knees and Ankles...
But what if it resurrects a memory that turns shame into hope; hope into desperation?
Set in the Talisman Café, main street, Northern Ontario, Bellies Knees and Ankles captures the emotional evolution of a woman who overhears too much. Is motherhood in the choosing, or in the genetic code? What bonds us to others" History? Love? Or a desperate wish that it be something as mundane as similar knees?
Discovered at the 1997 Sudbury Fringe Festival, this one-time performance hosted by the Timmins area support group, ‘Sharing Post Adoption Issues,’ will showcase an exciting new work for the Canadian stage.
A waitress, a mother and daughter, a woman alone. Each arrives at the Talisman Café of her own free will, but once inside, nothing can stop the forces this chance meeting unleashes. Identities blur, choices must be made, and the womanly features of bellies, knees and ankles takes on a significance you the audience may be the first to know.
(From our Press Releases)
A local support group called "Sharing Post Adoption Issues" is undertaking a theatre project to provide the Timmins Public Library with adoption related resource materials.
The group, in cooperation with the local Children’s Aid Society provides support to adoptive families, people considering searches for relatives parted by adoption, and those needing advice or support after finding birth relatives.
Intended for a mature audience, the play, "Bellies, Knees, and Ankles", by W.A. Hamilton of Sault Ste. Marie, is scheduled for 7:00 p.m. Saturday, May 2nd, at TH&VS Auditorium. This thought-provoking performance explores several facets of motherhood, birth and adoption.
The cast performed at the Sudbury Fringe North Festival this past August, where the group first recognized it as a valuable vehicle to raise the issues and choices of parenthood, adoption and post adoption.
"Bellies, Knees, and Ankles Library Project" completes a single revenue project generating funds to acquire resource materials for the Timmins Library.
Tickets are $8.00 and can be purchased at all Timmins Shoppers Drugstore locations, or $10.00 on the day of the performance at Timmins High and Vocational School. The Performance begins at 7:00 p.m.
Writer/Director W. A. HAMILTON has received public readings of her plays in Charlottetown, Halifax, St. John, and Calgary. She recently served as playwright in residence with the GREAT CANADIAN THEATRE COMPANY, Ottawa. Her play MindLands, will be presented during the July 98 Homecoming in Sault Ste. Marie.
Actor ANNA-LEE POTVIN recently completed a four year term as president of the SAULT THEATRE WORKSHOP. She has performed in, and produced dozens of community theatre productions.
Actor LORRAINE MACKIE is a Toronto actress who has appeared in theater, television, and commercials nationally. Her training in clown work has been aptly utilized in the mostly physical role of the woman who overhears.
Actor SANDRA ILES is an emerging young talent on the community theatre stages. She recently starred in a Sault Ste. Marie production of DARK OF THE MOON, and is a regular cast member of the Family Services program, FAMILY LIFE THEATRE.
Actor SUSANNE MYERS holds two degrees as a Child and Youth Worker, and a Bachelor of Arts in English. With her interest in the psychology of character development, Susanne, an aspiring writer, made her stage debut in this production.
Stage Manager, TAMARIND SPENDER is a Guelph University student with theatre in her soul. Her participation reflects Theatre in Motion’s commitment to training opportunities. She will handle the front lines of this production, a job that requires youthful vitality, stamina, and courage.
There is also little awareness of underlying issues encountered by such searchers. In many cases, people involved experience unexpected social and emotional reactions.
Others do not understand their deeper reasons to seek out that contact, and become troubled.." says Sharon Malerbe, who is employed at a local helping agency. "Because of this, we have established a support group here in Timmins. One of the group’s objectives is to raise public awareness of these post adoption issues and an awareness of our group as a source of support."
Ritchie added, "Part of our mission is to provide resource material to Timmins and area residents. To meet that objective, we plan to provide a series of books and manuals to the Timmins Library and through it, to the Regional Library. Having material available in the Library system, makes it available to many more people, and adds to the services the library already provides. The play helps us meet both these objectives, and also provide Timmins residents with an evening of entertainment."
Recently, the group placed int the library system, two copies of the "Search Manual for Adoptees and Birth Relatives", which offers advice to those searching for relatives parted by adoption. The publication was jointly sponsored and developed by the Adoption Council of Ontario and Parent Finders Incorporated, with funding support from the Ontario Ministry of Community and Social Services.
Ritchie says "Searches through Ontario’s Adoption Disclosure Registry can take up to 7 to 15 years. The agency money to provide more timely services is just not there. Many people are considering doing the searches on their own, and it seems that the government is supporting such alternatives."
The manual will be available as a reference text at both the Timmins Library and the C. M. Shields Branch in South Porcupine
"Searching for an approaching a birth relative is something that should be handled with due care for all those involved, says Ritchie, "Sometimes finding, or being found can be an emotional shock. Having these manuals available will allow searchers to consider options and strategies for reunion to that lost relative."
Malherbe cautions, "Not all searches go well, and search and reunion counseling, which recently was mandatory, is still recommended. Those who choose to search should discuss the venture with the local CAS Adoption Disclosure Worker, or join a discussion or support group to understand this emotional process.
Personal copies of the manual can be purchased for $15.00 from the members of the group.
What are the concerns of the group? According to Ritchie, there are several issues that may face a member of the adoption triad. There can be no stereotype, nor is there a uniqueness. Triad members are all both alone and connected. Many want to move on, to be released, and to reunite.
The issues with adoption are very near emotional health issues. As a facilitator of an triad support group, we see people who carry a lot of baggage, not because they are incapable of coping with the adoption, but because they have been denied answers to some fundamental questions such as "where did I come from?" and "is there a problem that I should know about before choosing to have children?" or ‘should I be concerned about, and act differently because of some hereditary factor?’.
In some cases, this protection of information by social agencies creates a situation of powerlessness, frustration, and anger that spills over into everyday life and personal relationships.
Much of the time, those affected have come to develop subtle coping strategies to deal with these emotions that, particularly adoptees, who may have understood the concept of adoption at some very early age, when the emotions surrounding that concept could not be analyzed, labeled, and resolved in a mature manner.
As is many emotional issues, inability to resolve these things can affect self perceptions.
With adoption, for example, a child who becomes aware of his or her situation may not have the maturity to verbalize or act on the subtle confusions encountered. Within the comfort of adoptive parents and the family, the issue is put aside, submersed, or avoided. Even with valid and proper answers, a child’s mind has a hard time understanding circumstance, social value, and other more mature concepts.
As the adoptee ages, this particular area of thought, and the strategies for dealing with the issues may persist.
These things are what concerns us about adoption and how society has handled adoption. There is more than secrecy, there is more than shame and guilt. There is a pattern of thinking that is maintained. It is an issue of identity being destabilized by one to young to understand, and the consequences of that compounded over a lifetime...
We would also identify that in several cases, mental health counselors are not always aware of the intricacies presented by adoption issues, and tend to use more standard problem models and suggest cognitive therapies and strategies in areas where they normally tread... areas of trauma such as addiction, violence, abuse, stress, and bad learning.
The situations of the adoptee are, in many cases, not of these causes. Adoptees have as normal and loving a family life as others. Rather, the issues lie nearer to identity and coping strategies as an original cause, and are further complicated by a shadow of secrecy and protection, a dynamic is not well understood by the helping services, and society.
If there is any message that should be identified, it is that the issue of searching and open records is not about right to know, but about healthy development of good children-becoming-people.
Many do not know that many provinces in Canada and states in America maintain living files in their systems. For example, in Ontario, birthparents may leave letters in their child's file at any time... This form of communication must be non-identifying.... (things like places, people, occupations, schools, etc. must be left out., or generalized as to be non-identifying)
For birth parents who are not quite sure what they want to do, and for those whose children are still too young to search, or be searched out, this is an excellent way to provide regular updates for the adoptee should he or she decide to request non-identifying information from the agency that handled the adoption.
Any correspondence from the birth parents is placed in the adoption file and becomes available to the adoption disclosure worker when completing a non-identifying information package for the adoptee. For adoptees who are unsure of searching, but still may want to provide information to a birth parent, a non identifying letter can also be placed in the adoptee’s file for delivery to a birthparent who asks for updated information.
For those serious about searching out a birth relative, we advise that one seriously consider the impact on the other party. For someone who is not expecting such news, this can be a tremendous shock... and may set off held back emotions that can be very confusing, both for the found, and the searcher. Further, the first contacts in a reunion may set the stage for the entire relationship beyond breaking the news.
A slow and gentle approach, especially towards the birthparent, should be managed with care. Plans should be taken to provide for a graceful ‘avoidance exit’ for the birth parent. Not some thing one wishes for, but a real possibility, should this be troubling news. One must remember that the found party has a right to privacy to some extend and should have the choice to refuse a reunion.
But what we see are the last minutes of a search that may have gone on for several years. The emotion displayed on camera is the final release of so many tensions and emotional struggles that these people have endured for a good portion of their lives. What seems to be a joyous event is in many cases, an eventful journey that many undertake without experience, full consideration, help and support.
"Sharing Post Adoption Issues," is a Timmins and Area support group. We work in a cooperative arrangement with the local CAS. Over the years we have been a place for those thinking about this type of search, those in the midst of it, and those needing advice or support even after finding parents or children.
Our facilitators have found is that both locally and even Canada wide, there is an underwhelming amount of resource material available to the general public, and those looking for lost relatives. And by resources, I am not only talking about things like how to search, or where to search, or what to expect during that search. There is also very little public awareness of the underlying issues that are encountered by people looking for relatives. In many cases, we see that the people involved experience social and emotional reactions because others do not understand the deeper reasons to seek out that contact. Our group’s objectives is to raise public awareness of these post adoption issues and awareness of our group as a source of support.
Should you have an interest in these issues, would be pleased to have you to attend one of our meetings, held 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. the third Tuesday of each month, at 600 Toke Street North.
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