The Personal Development Toolkit

What About Bitterness?


Introduction... Self Direction... My Switches... Bitterness... Meeting New People...
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Copyright Lark Ritchie 1997.

. Bitterness colours our relationships and it does so because we maintain and hold the anger as a defense against pain. An enemy can only be an enemy if we label him or her such. Otherwise (with the exception of dogmatism), the individual is a person with feelings desires and needs... "Enemy" is a de-personalized, dehunamized individual, labelled as such to alienated him from us. This scenario typifies this alienation.... it assumes or expects the reader to assume that the alienation exists.... however, it can only exist if the reader choooses to maintain an alienation....

When we are hurt, we naturally take action to remove the pain.... In the simple physical, we move our hand from the flame, pull the hammer away from our head, take the sliver from our finger....

If the hurt is more serious, (a bullet wound, a broken leg, etc.) we remove ourself from activity, become inactive, and rest and heal... and eventually we do, and become active again... Emotional hurt works in a similar fashion... It affects our self, the thing that we are inside.

A misunderstood teasing remark can hurt, like a sliver in a finger. And like physical wounds of a more serious nature, when we are hurt emotionally to greater extents, we take time to recover. And as in the physical sense, some never recover fully from their wounds, so with the emotional.... Some never do....

However... For most of us, our emotional state is governed by how we perceive the world, things and people around us. If we see people as enemies, we will have enemies, and we will act as if we had enemies... if we "see" that people are threatening, evil, sneaky, treacherous, we will act accordingly, from a defensive strategy.. On the other hand, if we see people as corespondents in relationships with us, as people, then we have to recognize that we are not alone, but a partner in a realtionship. (otherwise, there is no basis for any feeling toward the other individual)

As a partner in a relationship, by definition, we have an obligation to perform in a partner role. In a hostile relationship, for it to exist, we must play the role of antagonist... or victim... In a more amicle realtionship, we might play our role more positively, negotiating towards resolution...

Bitterness, impedes a partner's role in that to maintain bitterness is to hold an anger for a perceived or actual betrayal, that personal affront on our self... In a sense, bitterness is a way of maintaining control of a corresponding relationship partner.... bitterness is designed to affect another by denial... the paradox is, when the other no longer recognizes the relationship, then the bitterness becomes a relationship with one's self, or the entire world... we in fact, progress deeper into the hurt, we become sicker...

We should ask ourselves... Should I control my self through bitterness?


Examples of Bitterness

Bitter in Belgium...

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1996 Lark Ritchie. Contact me at this address..


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