What follows is the transcript of an online chat with my top pal Dolan.
Although it has been edited (that involves some cutting, too) and names have been changed, usual disclaimers apply, including those about strong language etc.
Enjoy!
phoevos:I have crossed oceans of time to find you my favourite quote from Coppola's Dracula
dolanh:"now, my dear, let me teach you one or two latin terms" - my favorite quote from Malkovich in "Dangerous Liaisons"
phoevos:WOW!
phoevos:I have not noticed that
dolanh:can you name the scene?
phoevos:Ehm, nope
phoevos::-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(
dolanh:have you seen the film?
phoevos:Twice
phoevos:I have read the book too
phoevos:in French
phoevos:much better
phoevos:the book's a masterpiece
phoevos:seriously
dolanh:remember when John Malkovich is showing Uma Thurman
dolanh:the finer points of sex
phoevos:aha
dolanh:he says that about five seconds before a bout of cunnilingus
phoevos:Ah!
dolanh:classic quote
phoevos:But why don't I remember any head in that film?
phoevos:as a cunning linguist I would have noticed
dolanh:well, the scene cuts right as he's going down
phoevos:I guess because I saw it on TV only
phoevos:Ah
dolanh:that's why
phoevos:too subtle
phoevos::-):-):-):-):-)
dolanh:too bad they cut that - it was the best scene!
phoevos:hehehehe
phoevos:Wow
dolanh:whazzat?
phoevos:look at THAT
dolanh:"you only feel it once"
dolanh:-the end of the last quote..
dolanh:strange site
dolanh:all those images were done in the "pencil" filter in Pshop
phoevos:Ahaaaa
dolanh:or maybe it's called "sketch"
phoevos:Marquise De Merteuil: you'll find the pain is like the shame, you only feel it once.
dolanh:and probably "watercolor" as well
phoevos:Vicomte De Valmont: I promised her my eternal love, and I actually thought that for a couple of hours.
Marquise De Merteuil: Like most intellectuals, he's intensely stupid.
dolanh:many great quotes
phoevos:and of course
phoevos:there are less ambitious attempts, too
phoevos:Well, let's face it: a film with Pfeiffer and Thurman co-starring hardly needs anything else
phoevos::-)
dolanh:how about this for a less ambitious attempt!
phoevos:I have never seen Valmont
dolanh:a film with malkovitch needs little else, and with Pfeiffer and Thurman is almost too much!
dolanh:I saw part of it - couldn't bear watching much
phoevos:Yes, but Valmont is by Milosz Forman...
phoevos:why?
phoevos:(I don't like Malkovich)
dolanh:yes, but the acting was awful
dolanh:and the accents were worse
dolanh:(malkovich is god)
phoevos:oh, come on!
dolanh:well, not god but damn good
phoevos:and I hate Glen Close too
phoevos:she is like a cross of a turkey with a fat hen
dolanh:yeah, but she's good in that film
phoevos:that's why
dolanh:(i don't think a lot of her in that)
phoevos::-)
phoevos:Hmmm
phoevos:Well, we waste cool quotes chatting
dolanh:i didn't either
phoevos:while you should get your arse down and write a script
phoevos:(never mind)
phoevos:there are two bored MAs in London
dolanh:that is the premise?
phoevos:and they are bored and panicked
phoevos:aha
phoevos:and then they are just panicked
phoevos:it's gonna be our sotry
phoevos:story, bud
dolanh:just a minute --
dolanh:read this:
dolanh:
Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the
history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
phoevos:no sex too, good for the bible belt
dolanh:Duane: Oh, come on.
phoevos:TOP GUN?
dolanh:Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man.
You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got
Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay
way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
phoevos:hahahahahahahaa
dolanh:Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the
rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is
what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have
sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets
on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene
you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy.
dolanh:She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's
wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going
towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through
subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you -
I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything.
Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the
end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way.
dolanh:They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And
they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's
been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that
they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and
he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight!
Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!
phoevos:he's damn right!
phoevos:hahahaha
phoevos:kewl
dolanh:pretty good one, huh?
phoevos:oh!
dolanh:that's from a lame movie called "sleep with me"
phoevos:OK
dolanh:but tarantino plays the "sid" character
phoevos:you write the damn story
phoevos:aaaaah, that's why
dolanh:and you know he wrote that bit
phoevos:you write it
phoevos:your thing
dolanh:even though he didn't write the screenplay
dolanh:i don't have a ting
dolanh:thing
phoevos:what's the fucken ting?
dolanh:a screenplay
phoevos:fine
phoevos:I get me lady
phoevos:come over to bloody HellA
phoevos:sit down and write it with you
dolanh:ok
phoevos:you sell it
phoevos:we get rich
dolanh:Sundance, baby
phoevos:and get nice, handsome actors playing us, frustrated us
phoevos:cool Butch
phoevos:Batch
phoevos:whatever
phoevos:Redford
phoevos:OK
phoevos:well, Dolan, Dolan's too telling
phoevos:let's say
phoevos:Chris
phoevos:OK
phoevos:Chris, that's you
phoevos:and I am
phoevos:Philip
dolanh:i get brad pitt
dolanh:you get jeff goldblum
dolanh:fuck, no more uppercase "o" - LoL!
phoevos:cool
phoevos:ok
phoevos:fuck uppercase
phoevos:goldblum is old, man
dolanh:EE CUMMINGS!
dolanh:yeah, but still slick
dolanh:(but a little too old to play a 24 year old!)
phoevos:OK
phoevos:ok
phoevos:sorry
phoevos:we are fuckin' 30 year-olds than
phoevos:very frustrted
dolanh:i think a story is more impoartantn than characters...
phoevos:we get ouer x's to become lolitas
dolanh:lo lee ta
phoevos:and we are doing fucking computational linguistics
dolanh:like skinhead's gf
phoevos:bith
phoevos:aha
dolanh:bith?
phoevos:both
phoevos:ok
dolanh:compling!
dolanh:kul!
phoevos:i'm arrogant and insecure and you're a space cadet - that's the easy bit
dolanh:LoL!
phoevos:then we just hang around london and do the talking bit
dolanh:well, we need to dream up the conversatin
dolanh:and its topics
phoevos:the party bits (kinda exaggerated, y'know, Zorba actually sucking the fuck out of the catholic paloma girl
'cause she abhors penetration
phoevos:subtly of course
phoevos:no dream up shit, just recall
dolanh:well, I think we'd need to embellish a bit
phoevos:and i sit down and recall all the hash sessions at soas hall eith elia and her african pals
phoevos:sure
dolanh:the Zorba party bit was pretty funny
phoevos:we're both sensitive, intelligent, noble and horny
phoevos:which is true
phoevos:friends is dead!
dolanh:just what the world needs - another whit stillman film :)
phoevos:the world should brace themselves for chris and phil
dolanh:yeah, but friends was shite
phoevos:where we are real and cool
dolanh:howabout a film about SanFran Man
phoevos:london's cool
dolanh:and his escapades
phoevos:well, we'll stick SanFran Man in
dolanh:SanFran Man and the library
phoevos:cause a film about him will be: pot, sex, surfing in cadiz
dolanh:"lingspotting"
phoevos:well, we can put you in the library instead od Danielle's party
phoevos:it's the movies, maaaaaaan
dolanh:Danielle's party!
dolanh:(well, Rimbaud's party)
phoevos:told you
phoevos:whoever's
dolanh:Danielle's neighbor!
phoevos:it's cool
phoevos:the good, original bit about chris + phil
dolanh:what, exactly, is the plot?
phoevos:is that they do not manage to get laid, no happy end, no poetic justice, nothing
dolanh:well, you managed to get laid
phoevos:you get some head, i get some snogging. period
phoevos:that's irrelevant
phoevos:it's the movies, maaaaaaaan
dolanh:(LoL!)
phoevos:(i can hardly write here)
phoevos:(laughs)
dolanh:no - you get some shagging, not some snogging
phoevos:then our film is like any odd film
dolanh:i get some head, and some wanking :-)
dolanh:not really.
phoevos:oh
dolanh:it's not necessarily the story that sets a film apart
phoevos:just when i would ask you who did the hand job
dolanh:it's the way the story is presented
phoevos:it's gonna be the brilliant dialogues
phoevos:correct
dolanh:and the insightful characterization
phoevos:well
dolanh:ok - here's how we start.
phoevos:i listen
dolanh:write me a list of memorable moments for last year (and approx time of year)
dolanh:and i'll do the same
dolanh:and we'll try to work something around them
phoevos:oh, great!
phoevos:that's cool
dolanh:i think that's the best way of apporaching it
phoevos:aha
dolanh:i just had a flahsback to when my hand was shaking so bad during the first
dolanh:final exam that i could hardly write
phoevos:exam?
dolanh:stuff like that
phoevos:i will never forget the benevolent gaze of richard's after the semantics exam and the hateful laser beam i emitted in
exchange
dolanh:eating in a chinese restaurant with China Girl & co
phoevos:ooopS!
dolanh:China Girl = femme fatale
phoevos:you got it from the tip of my tongue
phoevos:definitely
phoevos:i think we should let you do her
phoevos::-)
dolanh:the "singapore fried noodles & a coke" phase
phoevos:oh yes
dolanh:maybe in a dream
dolanh:don't want to get too hopeful
phoevos:study + mac after beer sessions
dolanh:yep
dolanh:the letters I got from Chubbie & China Girl both after I got back
phoevos:oh yes!
phoevos:the ukrainian chick that told me she fancied me on the eve of her leaving#
dolanh:man, i'm getting nostalgic
dolanh:oh yeah, the ukranian chick
phoevos:i'm like that all the time
phoevos:the party at southfields!
phoevos:walking back to the night bus
dolanh:don't want to remember that one
phoevos:ok
phoevos:why?
dolanh:what was her name?
phoevos:whose?
dolanh:the girl who invited us
phoevos:ah, ehm, artemis?