Any ponderable ponderings to share? Drop them off in the MacNews mailbox, and we'll have a sequel to this article. Spanks a lot...
What the heck is going on? Life sucks and has been sucking for the longest time. Usually I'm a nice guy but if I don't do something to relieved myself of this constant anger mixed with depression, I'm afraid I'll hurt someone.
Over the past months, I have been taunted by many people. I have had to endure the constant fact that many of my classes just aren't interesting and keep giving us more work. I have been told I had no credibility. And through all of this....
I said nothing.
I was under the assumption that it would all go away. That the people who put me through this torture would realize how horrible they have been. That if I said anything and didn't keep self-control, they would stop. I was wrong.
The constant torture continued, and I held back my emotions. I made it all seem like it rolled right off my back. I kept up a facade of happiness and uncaring. Never showing how angry I could actually be. Never shedding a tear in the past two years of my life.
It was hard, and whenever it seemed to myself that I would snap, I calmed myself down, because it was the civilized thing to do.
Those people breaking me down were my friends.
Smutton
As you probably know, the sometimes hated and always controversial D.J. Howard Stern is now on Q 107. The thing that bugs me is how you can support free speech, but when Stern says something immoral, a bunch of ignorant people with nothing better to do want him off the air.
Yes, sometimes he goes too far, but he's hilarious and if you don't like it, don't listen. Some people also say that Howard Stern poisons the minds of young people. I think that there are movies, magazines and television shows that are much worse than Howard Stern's radio show. Why not ban Jerry Springer? He has trash on all the time. What about banning Playboy, or (heaven forbid) South Park?!?!?! Instead of not giving Howard a chance, try listening to him first. He's a lot better than those people at CISS FM. Then again, who isn't?
MW's opinion
P.S. Now Howard's getting his own T.V. show. It's starting up in the summer, and it's going to rival Saturday Night Live. I know I'll be watching.
On Tuesday, March 24th, the students of Macdonald were forced to spend twenty minutes outside of school in the cold when the fire alarm went off. As soon as the re-entry bell went off, and we were back in the school, the alarm went off again.
Contrary to popular belief, this was not a fire drill. You see, MAC, due to extreme budget cuts imposed by the government, Tuesday's fire drill was actually our annual school trip.
Sofi, ed. and Hecubis
A lot of times, we here at MacNews just make up advice letters for entertainment value, and answer them with a sense of humour. The following letter, however, was found in the MacNews mailbox, and we are taking it very seriously:
Dear MacNews,
I hate my life. I didn't do well on my exams and now I'm very scared. This is my OAC year and my overall average (top 6 OAC credits) is only 74%. I do not know what to do. I studied very hard, and it still was not enough. I really feel like dying. I am sometimes so depressed that I cannot eat at times. I need help. I am so scared, I cry myself to sleep. Also, I did not apply to any colleges, so I am really screwed. Sometimes I feel like killing myself. I do not know what to do.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Please believe us when we say this to you: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Many OAC students, especially at this time of year, start to freak out. The future is a really scary thing, but an even scarier thing is when you are considering not facing it at all.
It sounds like you haven't just been thinking about suicide, but you've seriously been considering it. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. So you're getting a 74% average? So what? That's pretty respectable. How do you know a university (you stated that you hadn't applied to a college, but we're assuming you've applied to university) won't accept you? Also, is something as abstract and immaterial as a number on a piece of paper enough to end your life?
Since entering grade 9, we've been bombarded by how important university or college is, and how you must strive to do all and be all just to get in. Step on everybody else, and be the BEST. Why can't we just strive to be the best that we can possibly be? You tried very hard, you said so yourself. Be proud of yourself!
Also, you've got to remember that school is not life. There is no rule stating that you must go to university directly after completing high school. Take an extra year, if you want. Improve your lowest mark. Get a job, job shadow, or do some volunteer work. I've heard of kids who take a whole year off, just travelling the country or even the world, just to find out who they are, who they want to be, and what they want to do with their life. Some people tend to learn more doing that than they could learn in any class.
Okay, so we realize that a letter of encouragement in a school newspaper will hardly change your life (we're not counsellors), so we are urging you to get some help. Talk to someone. A friend, a relative, a teacher, a psychiatrist, a guidance counsellor, a doctor, a member of the school's administration or someone else you trust. Just don't keep your emotions and fears bottle up inside of you, and know that you're not alone. You're never alone.
MacNews
Dear SAC,
I was just wondering if it would be possible to update that picture of all the MAC students in the front hallway of our school (just outside the caf). It's been quite a while now...don't you think we should display our current students to those who enjoy their lunches in the front hallway? I think it's a good idea! Think it over prez, vice-prez, treasurer, reps, blah... blah... blah. Hopefully by May we could have one of our famous consultation days and take a shot out in the field.
a MAC student
P.S. Any reply?
Hello! Due to the massive amount of depression in this school I have been requested to write this article. So, if you don't like it, then stop reading right now. Right now, I tell you, RIGHT NOW! Thank you. Now that everyone who doesn't like South Park is gone, I'm free to write about it as much as I want. YEAH!
N-E-Wayze, tonight is the Cartman's dad episode, part two, I think. So who do you think it is? Mr. Hat, Mr. Garisson, The Chef, the Denver Broncos, or anyone else in the town basically. Well, do you expect me to tell you? If you do, that's just too bad! Watch the show and find out for yourself.
See ya!
(Not Cartman's dad, honest) Stoopid Head
Once upon a time, there was a cinderblock castle nestled in between two other cinderblock castles in a beautiful field. In the big, important cinderblock castle, there lived (about) 700 princes and 700 princesses. The 700 princesses were very sad, however, as there were only 4 or 5 magic bathroom mirrors in the entire castle for them to share.
To make matters worse, evil invisible MAC lipstick wearing banshees would come out at night, and constantly mark up the precious mirrors (one of which wasn't really a true mirror, but a scratched-up sheet of aluminum), making it almost impossible for the princesses to see their lovely faces.
All ended well, however, when an anonymous fairy godmother/father installed two extra mirrors in the bathroom by the royal SAC office. The princesses were overjoyed, and they spritzed and sprayed and applied their make-up happily ever after.
Of course, there was still the matter of the prince's bathroom conditions, but that's another fairy tale...
basketcase
During the March /Spring break, I went on a tour to Chicago. We also stopped in Holland on the way there.
At the hotel in Chicago, there was a sculpture of a dinosaur. It was five feet tall, and weighed 450 pounds. It was made from chocolate. I felt hungry. However, I did not eat the whole dinosaur. I did not eat any of it. It was in a glass case.
On the way back, we stopped at a Burger King for breakfast. While we were in line, an employee came out of the kitchen and yelled, "Get out of the restaurant! There's a fire in the kitchen!"
I left the restaurant and went hungry for an additional five minutes until we discovered the donut shop nearby.
Oh, and by the way, Holland is a town in Michigan.
Nony LaSouris
Is it just me or has anybody else noticed that everyone's been so damn depressed recently! Due to the fact that I am possibly the worst of these cases I have come up with a list of possible reasons for this terrible lack of student enthusiasum.
For starters, the most obvious is that this is the time of the year when the students at this school recieve their exam and term marks from those oh-so powerful people we call teachers. This is a sure fire way to destroy any small glimpse of hope for many students in this school (except for those annoying people who get like 95 in everything, and then THEY STILL COMPLAIN!).
Also another factor that contributes to this massive depression is the fact that the freakin' weather keeps changing! It's snowing, nope, it's raining, nope, it's sunny, oh there goes the rain again. This terrible weather is enough to drive even the most sickeningly happy person into a state of dark, dreary, catastrophic sadness. You see, when the weather is nice, peoples spirits are lifted. Then when the rain and cold return, those same people become mean, vengeful, and rude.
Also, everyone in this school has had to put up with the constant false fire alarms, which can really bug people. (Except for when they can be used to get a couple extra marks on a computer exam.)
Then, of course, this vicious cycle of depression continues because the depressed people make almost everyone they interact with depressed. You see, out of the number of people who, in the past week, have told me to stop being so depressed, at least 90% of them have become depressed within two days. The horrible loop will continue until we all become so depressed that only mass suicide will follow. Okay, that may be taking it a little too far, but I just used that example to show how severe this depression has become, so don't get made at me for writing that. It's called HYPERBOLE, if you don't know, ask your teacher.
Furthermore, in my case especially, the lack of friends and "a significant other" only add to the vast saddness that I, along with many others in this school, suffer from.
Of course, the worst possible thing that can happen which would definitely send you into a mental hospital is something I hope no one in this school will ever experience. I do not know first hand how you would feel after this terrible occurance, because it has never happened to me. That terrible thing is: finding out that you really are...
CARTMAN'S DAD!!!
(jaded) Stoopid Head