THE REST –    January 18


Today's Quotations — SLEEP



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Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole.

— Samuel Taylor Coleridge



The Sleeping World. Night's curtains now are closing Round half a world reposing In calm and holy trust, All seems one vast, still chamber, Where weary hearts remember No more the sorrows of the dust.

— Matthias Claudius


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When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil.

— Dale Carnegie 


We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up in the morning.

— Henry Ward Beecher


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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

–   Woody Allen



word puzzleToday's Word – BEMUSE


be·muse transitive verb. be·mused, be·mus·ing, be·mus·es. 1. To cause to be bewildered; confuse.  Synonym daze. 2. To cause to be engrossed in thought.

`Now, for some space the revellers stood agape, unable to understand all that had been done in such haste. But anon their bemused wits awoke to the nature of the deed which was like to be done upon the moorlands. Everything was now in an uproar, some calling for their pistols, some for their horses, and some for another flask of wine.

The Hound of the Baskerville
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary


Today's Fact



The Moon part 2

With my hands I stretched out the heavens. All the millions of stars are at my command.

Isaiah 45:12


moon noun 1. The natural satellite of Earth, visible by reflection of sunlight and having a slightly elliptical orbit. 2. A natural satellite revolving around a planet.


The earth's satellite is the moon named Luna. Here are a few facts about this object that graces the earth's night skies. The earth is 2,159 miles in diameter. It has a circumference of 6,790 miles. The moon is 27% of the size of the earth.

The moon's orbit is elliptical. The distance of the moon from the earth varies from 221,463 miles at perigee (the closest point to earth) to 251,968 miles at apogee (the furthest point from earth). The orbit of the moon about earth also demonstrates capture rotation. Capture rotation is a combination of two motions where the rotation of the moon takes exactly the same length of time as the time it takes to revolve around the earth. With the rotation and revolution of the moon equal in time - the same side of the moon always faces the earth. The other side (dark side) of the moon never faces the earth and can never be seen from earth.

Sources | Encyclopaedia Britannica | The Handy Science Answer Book |



And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights--the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night ...

Genesis 1:14-16a



Today's SMILE



A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)


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Four-year-old Tucker Jones attended the vacation Bible school at our church.  The theme was "Discipleship and  Saving Mother Earth." 

His mother, Trish Jones, asked Tucker  what he had learned. 

He immediately told her all bout  "Jesus and the 12 recycles."

Bouncing out of her first day in nursery school at Mount  Moriah Presbyterian Church in Port Henry, New York, a  three-year-old girl gleefully informed her mother:  "We had        juice and Billy Graham crackers!" 

smileA man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his  nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right  ear.  "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. 

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

  What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: .

1) "This should be taken care of right away."  [I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.]

2) "Well, what have we here?"  [He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.] 

3) "Let me check your medical history."  [I want to see if you've paid your last bill before wasting any more time on you.] 

4) "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."  [I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.  ---or---  I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.] 

5) "We have some good news and some bad news."  [The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.] 

6) "Let's see how it develops."  [Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.] 

7) "Let me schedule you for some tests."  [I have a 40% interest in the lab.] 

8) "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."  [I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.] 

9) "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."  [I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.] 

10)"That's quite a nasty looking wound."  [I think I'm going to throw up.]  

11) "This may smart a little."  [Last week two patients bit off their tongues.] 

12) "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"  [I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?] 

13) "This should fix you up."  [The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.] 

14) "Everything seems to be normal."  [Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.] 

15) "I'd like to run some more tests."  [I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.] 

16) "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"   [You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...] 

17) "There is a lot of that going around."  [Wow, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.] 

18) "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."  [I've never heard of anything so disgusting.  Glad I'm off next week.]     


A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed.   He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.

Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God have done together."

"Eh," the farmer said dubiously.  "Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own." 


If you are still reeling from the recent merger of Time Warner with AOL, here are a few expected mergers for this week on Wall Street.

  • Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild

  • Polygram records, Warner Brothers and Keebler Crackers: new company will be called Poly Warner Cracker

  • 3M and Goodyear: New company will be called mmmGood

  • Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: New company will be called Honey I'm Home

  • Denison Mines, Alliance and Metal Mining: New company will be called Mine, All Mine

  • Knott's Berry Farm and National organization of Women: New company will be called Knott NOW!

  • Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining: New company   will be called Zip Audi Do-Da.


  • A Variation on an older joke:

Three men had won the lottery and had split the money into 3 equal parts, but all of them wanted to give some of their money to the church.

The first man said " I'm going to draw a circle on the ground & throw all my money up in the air, whatever lands in the circle I will keep & the rest I will give to the church."

The second man said " I will throw my money in the air, if it lands heads up, I will give it to the church & the rest I will keep for myself."

The third man said " I will throw all of my money up in the air, the money that stays up in the air, I will give to the church and the money that falls down to the ground, I will keep for myself."



Botanist Roy Noble had always dreamt of ending world hunger.

After years of research, his hard work paid off. He developed a strain of peas that would grow virtually anywhere. It grew fast, kept long without spoiling, and was more nutritious than even soybeans. He was an instant hero, world wide. There were awards and parades, and naturally the new strain of peas was named Noble.

After enjoying the fame and fortune for a while, Roy decided he wanted to do more, so he established a fund to award a monetary prize each
year to botanists and horticulturists who were making significant contributions to their fields.

Thus was born the famous Noble Peas Prize.


Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University



The heart, the liver, the spleen, the pancreas.
All these miraculous organs work in total darkness!


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Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower


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Soul Food January 18

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.