ALL THE REST —  October 16
  

 

Today's Quotations –  COURAGE:

 


It is alright to be cautious – but even the turtle never gets anywhere until he sticks his head out.

— Anonymous



Courage makes both friends and foes.

— Anonymous



The master said: "To see what is right and not do it, is want of courage."

— Confucius



People glorify all sorts of bravery except the bravery they might show on behalf of their nearest neighbors.

— George Eliot



Life, misfortunes, isolation, abandonment, poverty, are battlefields which have their heroes; obscure heroes, sometimes greater than the illustrious heroes.

— Victor Hugo



Many a man who is proud of his right to say what he pleases wishes he had the courage to do so.

— Anonymous



Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.

— Eddie Rickenbacker



Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

– Anais Nin 


 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – BANAL
   

 

ba·nal adjective Drearily commonplace and often predictable; trite. Synonym trite. [French, from Old French, shared by tenants in a feudal jurisdiction, from ban, summons to military service, of Germanic origin.]

She watched his anxiety melting away under her sunny smile, and soon perceived that, whatever doubt may have crossed his mind at the moment, she had, by the time the last bars of the minuet had been played, succeeded in completely dispelling it; he never realized in what a fever of excitement she was, what effort it cost her to keep up a constant ripple of BANAL conversation.

THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL
BARONESS ORCZY


Definition from American Heritage Dictionary

 

 

Today's Fact

 


FACT

What Problem?
The good old days are gone forever.


In 1836, the US Congress faced an unusual problem. It seems that during the administration of Andrew Jackson of that year, the government had accumulated a surplus of $37 million. Congress debated what to do with the surplus money. It was decided to refund the money to the states in proportion to their representation in Congress.

The following year the panic of 1837 hit and revenues decreased. The United States federal government would never again be burdened with a budget surplus. The federal deficit started in 1837, and it has never been eliminated.

Source: "Knowledge in a Nutshell"



 
"O LORD, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all: the earth is full of thy riches. "

(Psalms 104:24)

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

 
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

 

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

The Entertainers


P. T. Barnum: Because there is a foul born every minute.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Yoga Berra: The road's not crossed until its crossed.

Bennett Cerf: The lions on that side were more friendly; he crossed to get to the other pride.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one to the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Clint Eastwood: Cross. Go ahead. Make my day.

W. C. Fields: The only good chicken is a dead chicken.

Clark Gable: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Greta Garbo: It vanted to be alone.

Hugh Hefner: To express her sexual freedom.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Marcel Marceau: ...

Groucho Marx: (1) Chicken. You said the secret word and have won $100.00
                           (2)Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle                                  who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but                                  we needed the eggs.

Joe Miller That was no chicken, that was my wife.

Jack Nicholson: 'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Annie Oakley: She was doin what comes naturally.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Gene Roddenberry : To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone think to ask "What the heck was the chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

O. J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Siskel & Ebert:
  Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I   loved it. Thumbs up!

  Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience   wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly   explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't   even speak English! Thumbs down!

Red Skelton: He was a baaaad boy.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Flip Wilson: The devil made her do it.

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.

The Scientists


Andre Ampere: To keep up with current events.

Archimedes: She was buoyant and excited at the thought of new adventures.

Alexander Graham Bell: To get to the nearest phone.

Robert Boyle: She had been under too much pressure at home.

Marie Curie: She was radiating with enthusiasm as she crossed the road.

Charles Darwin: (1) It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
  (2): Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

C. J. Doppler: For its effect on passer-bys.

Thomas Edison: She thought it would be an illuminating experience.

Albert Einstein: (1) Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
   (2) It was a relatively easy thing to do.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Jean Foulcault: It didn't. The rotation of the  earth made it appear to cross.

Karl Gauss: Because of the magnetic personality of the rooster on the other side.

Werner Heisenberg: (1) We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
    (2) It was uncertain if it could make it, but wanted to try on general   principles.

Gustav Hertz: Lately, its been crossing with greater frequency.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

Friedrich Mesmer: It had been suggested when she was under hypnosis.

Samuel Morse: She had an appointment. She wanted to be there on the dot so she had to dash.

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Georg Ohm: She resisted the idea at first.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Linus Pauling: To get some Vitamin C.

George Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Erwin Shrodinger: She had to get to the farm, or did she?

Alessandro Volta: There was a potential difference in her future on the other side.

James Watt: It thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

 


smileHurry Up and Wait

"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."

"Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I ain't never going to stand in line again!"





Not Looking Good Here!

A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse. He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse. The poor man replied, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good," and walked away.

The next day the rich man came back and offered the poor man $1000 for the horse. The poor man said, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good."

On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2000 for the horse, and said he wouldn't take no for an answer. The poor man agreed, and the rich man took the horse home.

The rich man's daughter loved her present. She climbed onto the horse, then galloped right into a tree.

The rich man rushed back over to the poor man's house, demanding an explanation for the horse's blindness.

The poor man replied, "I told you it don't look so good." 
andychaps_the-funnies

Johnny's 1st Day of School

Johnny was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

When his eyes fell on Johnny, he noticed Johnny's hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.

"Johnny, I will not continue 'til you put your hand over your heart." Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie." 




 


How Many Presidential Aids Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb? 

Not surprisingly, the number depends on the president...

Nixon: Only one to change the light bulb but five to go out in the middle of the night and steal the light bulb. Then nine to lie and cover up for the five who got caught stealing the light bulb.

Ford: Three to select the study committee, nine to sit on the study committee, five to review the study committee's report, one to shelve the report.

Carter: The president went out himself and purchased a dozen bulbs at a discount, then he changed the bulb himself. Then it took three to write the press release, two to apologize for violating union rules, and five union electricians to put back the old burned out bulb.

Reagan: One to shoot out the old burned out bulb with a 45.
Then a carpenter a plasterer and an electrician to replace the fixture.

Bush: Twenty five to smuggle cocaine from Colombia and divert the profits to light bulb purchase. Three to launder the excess funds. Two to explain that the president was out of the loop.

Clinton: "I will say this only one time: I did not change the light bulb."



TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 


"When I look up, I see things I can't when I look down"

 


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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.