Since I was 5 years old, I wanted to be a professional business woman. Though I know that it was too early to make money in business, I already imagined myself wearing the best suit, carrying an attache case, riding the latest car in town and going to Makati everyday. I even told my parents that I shall be paying their hospital expenses in their old age because I know that I can afford spending money by then. But I know that I can already prepare even in the easiest way, what I did is to study very hard until....
I am now 18 years old, in college and taking up Business Management in U.P. I know that it is another stage wherein I can start my future, it is where I make the first step to become a business woman. I know that it is not the right time to build my own family but the time to be intellectual in choosing. Choosing from right and wrong because I believe that one mistake can change everything and can make my ambition be blown with the wind. Since I know what is right and wrong, I exerted lots of effort to be on the right track all the time. I will never make a single thing to ruin my dream, I will never enter a sorority and most of all, I will choose my friends because whoever surrounds me makes me makes myself. And now I know that I'm not ready to face the consequences of the influences.
Unfortunately, my father died of cancer two years he retired from his work. Since he doesn't not have enough savings from his retirement pay and my mother is just a plain housewife, I have to stop studying and hoping that in short time I can go back to school after all. My mother had a job but her salary is not enough for the whole family since I still have two brothers. As a help, I look for a job but then, my salary is not enough for a school year so I have to wait for 4 more years before I can go back to school. Our life is not like this before, is a lot, lot more convenient. Though we still eat three times a day, I still can't go to school because we have to bring my other brothers to school. I know that God himself placed us in the dark so that we can see the light.
As time passed by, I became hopeless and I know that I will still remain this way for a longer time. How about my dream to become a professional business woman? Is it all gone ? I know that there will come a time that I can continue studying but I am a bit discouraged. Maybe I don't have the face to show the people that after working for 4 years, I am back in school. Maybe I'm too old for school or maybe I have another place to stay, not a school but in an office. I know that I have to continue studying because this makes my life. What I always say to myself is that I have to continue studying whatever might happen.
What happened to me ? Why am I feeling this way ? I think the death of my father changed everything. Even though that we still managed to go together as a team and as a family, our life is so mischievous. I did not mind our situation because I know that I can still study and who knows that I will be the owner of the top company here in the Philippines.
Actually, I still have this feeling of resentment. I felt so depressed when I knew that I have to stop studying despite of my 5-year-old-dream to become a professional business woman. I still believe that I will be a business woman but not the same as what I expected. What happened to me ? My childhood dream that I tried to make and try to live up was lost in a snap like loving my life that I planned for more than 20 years. I'm really hopeless. What happened to me ?
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