From the Occult to Christ
This is my testimony as far as I have written it down.
Some parts of this testimony has been really hard to write down and brought back a lot of pain and sorrow, but I think it was good for me to have done it.
I have written down some parts in the way how I felt it in that time but is not equal to how I experience and feel my live today, that is in the Light of our Almighty Lord Jesus Christ. Praised be His Name forever and ever.
I was raised in a church-going family with two older brothers. As long as I can remember my mother has been sick and weak; during her illness she went to an acupuncturist to find healing. This was a grave mistake because this man was doing more than acupuncture alone and brought my mother under hypnosis. During these sessions he made my mother make oaths and blood oaths to a certain name which I do not know.
Years later two evangelists, running a campaign in our city, came at our door and invited my mom to a service, well hell broke loose literally and she attacked the two. They helped my mother to find an address with people who could help her with this problem. I was still 16 years old when that happened. My mother received counselling to overcome the troubles of which I had no knowledge at all. All of this did interest me, so I went to the library and got some books on occultism. They were pretty interesting and handed me a way to get the attention I was longing for. Most of the attention in our family was on my mom because of her situation. One of the books explained how to get a spiritual guide who would always be with you in hard times. That was exactly what I was looking for so I tried it out. It was kind of like praying and calling upon my personal spiritual guide, so said the book.
At first nothing happened, but the third time I opened my eyes a young lady was standing in front of me in my bedroom, and introduced herself with her name and that she was my personal spiritual guide. I was shocked to say the least. She looked like the most wonderful girl I had ever seen in my life, very long dark hair a smooth face and very delicate. She seemed to be floating somewhat and was enveloped in a white dress that waved a bit along her sides. The way she looked at me was as if she was completely dedicated to being there for me, and it filled me with a great feeling of awe and respect. Her name was Amethyst, later she told me that the stone called Amethyst was my birthstone and therefore she was meant to be my guide. A lot later, years after I became a Christian I found out that it's real name was "Tempter, Lord of the lower Countries" and was in command over a big part of Europe.
She visited me on a regular basis and I became more at ease with her presence, until she started treating me as a friend. She had me from that time because I found it marvellous to have a good looking friend always there when you want her to be, just for me alone. Her appearance changed after a while into a more normal looking person although there was always something that made her look different then normal people, a kind of smoothness or purity. This relationship grew and grew, she began to teach me things like how to come at ease with yourself and to look into the future. The only thing was, I was not to share myself with another person whatsoever, she was for me, I was for her. This brought some complications, I was a sixteen year old boy with teenage feelings for girls, but she had the perfect answer to that, tell me who you want me to look like and Iíll be her for you. The sexual part was no problem either, she filled all my needs and desires. The needs and desires a sixteen year old boy has was one of the first things that she offered me to meet. First to make me hers alone and second to compensate that wish of her. She really changed appearance to any girl I liked and then presented herself to me to have sex with her. It still makes me feel sick when I think about it of this being the way of loosing my virginity. Later when I knew more about the spiritual world I learned that she was also a "Succubus" which is nothing less then a demon specialised in having sexual contact with a human. A Succubus is an ungodly spirit versus a man, an Incubus is that versus a woman.
This sexual contact became later a way to get into astral state where she led me into for a deeper consciousness so I could learn more about the deeper planes within me and develop the powers that were to be found there. She also said that I was a good apprentice and that she had big plans for me and that she would teach me so that I could meet her master in time. She never told me who her master was but she was scared for him and always talked with the greatest respect for him. She did tell me however that she wanted me to become a strong medium that could do great things to win others for her master. She told me and taught me that I was special because I was an Aquarius of birth and that the new age we were going in was the age of Aquarius. She taught me how to meet her in places not of this earth, so she could even teach me better, there were no distractions of mind and a perfect balance between her and me. I had many powerful experiences with that guide for 6 years as she was teaching me. Astral travel, meditation, talking to the dead and cursing people etc. etc. During these astral travels she led me to places that are not to describe really, but she also led me to places here on earth like Egypt to see the pyramids and the gods who once dwelled there, or South America to feel the spiritual powers that were once beheld in the gods of the Incas. Europe was her favourite however because of the mighty gods that had reigned there like Odin and Frayia. Later it was easy to tell why it liked Europe so much because that was the earthly region where it was assigned to.
Necromancy or talking to the dead was something I really not ever learned to do in the way some Wiccanís do, or worked with tarot cards for example (although I had a set). My guide had a very large amount of servants that provided in all sorts of spiritual powers. So necromancy took place with the co-operation of a "familiar spirit" as they were called, it introduced the person to me I would like to talk to when I was in deep meditation. Also divination or foretelling the future happened with the help of a familiar spirit.
The cursing practices went very far, and it still hurts me a lot when I say that a person has died because of it. This is how it happened:
It was on a weekend I was going out from one bar to another. I have gotten pretty drunk when I went outside one of the bars to get some fresh air. This guy I knew came up to me an pulled me aside. I Knew him to be a drug addict and a drunk, I despised the guy. He told me to give him my money or else. I didn't give him what he wanted so he took it, hitting me senseless doing so. I kept my anger for him the rest of the weekend and when I came home Monday night my guide asked me what was wrong with me. I told her that she knew what was wrong and got even more angry because she never did anything from preventing it. She then asked me if she could do something for me, anything. I said, yes kill him. She told me that that could be taken care off if I only cursed him the way she had taught me to curse someone. He was under their control anyway she said. So I did. Two weeks later I came in the same bar and this guy came up to me. He said, wow you really got beat up two weeks ago didn't ya, and continued, well he will never bother you again cos he's dead. I asked him how he died. He answered, he got some kind of bleeding in the head and died just like that. I Asked him when that had happened. That was on the Monday night I cursed him.
Cursing and spell crafting had it's own rituals that the guide taught me with the use of books and during astral travel, some of those needed a sacrifice of blood, usually an animal but sometimes, like with the curse to death, I had to offer some of my own blood. Now this is a part I really don't want to get into because it's not vital for anyone to know how to perform a curse.
During these six years I never stopped believing in God and Jesus as I was raised that way. That was no problem because my guide believed in Him too (James 2:19) and as long as I didn't show attention to God it was all right because I could not share myself with someone else or she would have to leave, and I didn't want that. But the fact that this person actually died because of my cursing hit me like a bomb, and I knew for the very first time that I had done something that had to be terrible in God's eyes.
As the years grew by I felt more and more uneasy towards God and I started to realise that there were a lot of things that I did were wrong. And the deeper my relationship with my spiritual guide became. The more this feeling grew stronger and stronger. This until I started to get scared of God. My spiritual guide noticed this and kept telling me that as long I didn't pay attention to God He could do me no harm. If I did pay attention to God however, He would surely punish me for the things He didn't like.
I have to add that the guide started to overload me more and more with spiritual experiences like telekinesis (lifting or moving of objects and sorts with my mind), but also physical miracles, like providing me money when I needed it. Later I saw that this was to blind me from the insight I got into God's true nature.
Now I really knew something was wrong because if God found things wrong and would punish me, how could it be right what I did? This argument grew stronger as time passed and I got really scared of God. My guide began scaring me too because it started to threaten me that if I would give in to my fears for God then she would definitely kill me. "And you know what I am capable off." she said. I was starting to slip into total darkness, scared of God and my ever so friendly and helpful guide turned on me more and more. She started to hurt me mentally and physically to make me remember in what position I was. She was the leader I had to obey, being sure to lose my life if I didn't.
This period of darkness lasted for about a six months as I recall, until the moment of my salvation. The ever so friendly guide looked and behaved totally different from what it used to be. I noticed ever more often that because of the anger within it, it had a hard time keeping up the appearance of a nice girl and changed into a vulgar looking creature smelling like a dead body with convulsing movements. On the 12th of September 1987 I got so desperate and mad at God, because I believed He caused all of this trouble, because if He didn't make me feel guilty then my guide wouldn't have stood up against me. At the actual moment of salvation or better before that my guide must have noticed that something was about to happen because it lifted to what I think was it's natural size and shape. It was about four times bigger then me and looked more like a monster then human, black leathery and wet, smelling like rotting flesh, some yucky substance dripping from it's mouth. It was evil just plane evil, no monster in whatever scary movie looked like it and I could actually feel the hatred it had inside coming out as a hot breath with every word it said. Blaspheming God and cursing me with the most terrible things I ever heard of.
When I screamed out to God to take what He wanted or please take my life (and I meant kill me), the beast went totally hysterical and tried to kill me with it's claws and curses. This until it looked like it was slammed away from one side of the room to the other and back again, like something or someone was hitting it there. It screamed with a deafening sound and from one moment to the other it was gone. Everything was gone, the beast, it's smell, it's sound, everything. All that was left was me. Slowly a feeling grew in me as intense as I had never experienced before. It wasn't a feeling of joy or happiness but.. guilt, Guilt, GUILT !!!!
God had responded to my cry, not because I was such a loyal or lovable person, no only because I meant what I said from the bottom of my heart (Romans 10:9-10). I cried for hours and many things I had done wrong passed through my mind. I told them to God because my fear for Him was totally gone too, and I knew He forgave me all my sins that I committed as I went down the list of all that I could remember. Praise His Name forever. God really ripped me out of my life of destruction. He dragged me out of the darkness I was living in. I felt as I was given a new personality, new thinking, new feelings, or just in a couple words, A NEW ME. Praise Him my Jesus. (2 Corinthians 5:17 & Ezekiel 36:26)
All together it took well over 3 years to make me free of all the spirits and powers who where involved in this plot of evil. There were hundreds of them, but only two had direct control over me, they were the leaders so to speak. I don't want to go into detail about my period of deliverance because of the very personal nature of it. All I can say is that Christ Jesus stands far above any ungodly spirit that opposes Him. For no creature can rise above it's Creator.
From the two spirits that had control over me, the second one was slain about two years ago. It really started about 8 years ago when I got sick, I had "Trigeminus Neuralgia" (I don't know if that is the exact English phrase), terrible pains on one side of the face, this lasted for about 2 years. During the last year I had to inject myself frequently with painkillers to make life even a bit possible. After two years I was hospitalised for head surgery to remove a blood clot that probably was the cause of the pains. The day before I was to get surgery the doctor came up to me and said he didn't want to go thru with it because the possible side affects were to great, and he was not 100% sure that a blood clot was the problem. I was to stay at the hospital though for further research. Now besides the constant pain there were pain attacks also that drove me almost crazy, and I wanted to tear my cheek off when that happened. After two weeks in the hospital one of those attacks went way out of hand and I really thought, no let me rephrase that, I knew I was going to die, I was no longer aware of my surroundings and all I did was say goodbye to all the ones I loved, my wife, my parents, my brothers. The nurse that was called by the patient laying next to me decided to give me an injection against the pain. I was not aware of that but I think it was that moment when she gave me that shot I passed out, it must have been morphine or something like that.
That was for my experience the moment of me dying and parting this world. Now I knew where I was going (1 John 5:13) and I had said goodbye to all my loved ones so I was ready to go,...............however. When I woke up the next day (for me the experience of coming too in heaven), I expected to see my Lord Jesus and the first thing I noticed was that the pain in my face was gone which was right because there would be no more pain. But when I opened my eyes I expected a lot but not my hospital room. That was such a shock to me that it gave me a trauma that lasted over four years. The doctor said that it probably had been a blood clot after all that came loose and caused the severe pain. During those four years I suffered from terrible nightmares of me dying exactly as it happened in the hospital, only with the difference that now I really died and saw what my wife and family went thru after my death.
The pain, the sorrow, the preparation for the funeral, even the verse on my tomb, which was the verse we got on the day we married, Psalms 68:19 Blessed be the Lord, who daily beareth our burden, Even the God who is our salvation.
I have had several years of counselling for this trauma but at the end they told me that they could not really help me anymore. My wife and I were desperate and the only thing we could do was trust in God. My wife asked me if an anointing with oil would be something to be in place here, because the Bible spoke of healing by anointing with oil by the elders. We asked our pastor and he agreed. Two days after the elders and pastor came and anointed me with oil and prayer most of the nightmares were gone but not all. My wife and I said to each other "there must be a reason for it of not all dreams being gone".
A good friend of ours who was also a pastoral worker visited us and I had some real good conversations with him. On one given moment he asked me if I had ever been involved in the occult and I said yes and told Him about it. Well that was a trigger because two days later, who started appearing again ? Right Amethyst. First as the girl, but when it noticed that that had no effect it came in it's true shape and nature, not alone but with many of it's soldiers and commanders. Sometimes I went outside the house and they were waiting for me, hundreds, all just as vulgar as their leader. It never appeared in our house for God was living there, Praised be His Name. I went to my counsellor (a different one then that helped me during my trauma) and we talked about all what had happened. He said "boy I think you're not completely free yet so lets pray" The second and last spirit was driven out, the one still having rights over me because of some forgotten things I never confessed. This last one talked a lot and was blaming the leader for all the trouble he had caused.
It's name was Oppression and was responsible for my neuralgia, my death experience, my trauma and the nightmares. After this deliverance, my live started to change dramatically, I became more healthy as I had ever been in my whole live. My relationship with God grew tremendously and mentally I became stronger and stronger.
During my new reborn life with God I've had great experiences of His power. He showed me that He is the Ultimate Power and Might in Heaven and Earth. I used to be impressed by the power of the forces of darkness but He showed me what real Power is. Praise Him for the Lord God almighty reigns. His blood has washed all my sins away, and He now takes responsibility for the things I have done wrong, because now I am His child and as a father is responsible for the actions of his child, so is He for mine as long as I bring it all to Him. But He also gets all the credit for all the good things in my life :)
I know now that I cannot live without God, not here and not in eternity. I need Him in everything. I do because the opponent will not hesitate to strike me, but praise Him, I am safe under His wings. (see Psalm 91)
I live a quiet life now, I have my wife and my two year old daughter. We are members of a very nice Baptist church in the city in which we live. I work as a CAD engineer on underground structures. In short everything is calm now. I ask God and expect Him to lead me on the road He has prepared for me. And just now I am experiencing His calling to help others with similar problems as I have had. He has given me time to learn and understand His ways and I thank Him forever to see He starts using me and my experiences for the Glory of His Name.
Rom 8:38-39 For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus, our Lord.
John 8:36 Therefore, if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.
Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God forever and ever.
(Editorís Note: The person who wrote this wrote it under the pseudonym Dutchman for personal reasons. I have met him and can verify many of the facts contained in this account having had mildly similar experiences dabbling in the occult before I became a Christian. Also the grammar may appear a little different, this is because the writerís first language isnít English but Dutch [Nederlandís], and I have preserved the writing style in order for the writerís thoughts to come through. S. Aisbitt 21/3/02)