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Wit Memo's statement of principles

Go to the Old Wit Memo home page for links to all your favorite slangy saws 'n' screeds, featuring- 

Why The Simpsons Must Die

Hot Jewish Sex

How Wit Memo captured Eric Rudolph

The Passion of The Stooges: What does Jesus have in common with Moe, Larry and Curly?

Beer ...  Jews ...  Culture War ... rename the 'Skins
 
 

... the original Wit Memo e-zine

Wit Memo sez:  SUPPORT OUR importers of Chinese-made yellow ribbon decals. 
Oops!  Mel Gibson is in the hot seat for anti-Semitism again after uncorking an "anti-Semitic tirade" during his recent drunk driving arrest in Malibu.   Last time was when his smash-hit movie fingered the Chosen Ones for ordering a hit on the Son O'God.  Back then Wit Memo asked, how can any man who has Difficulties With Jews possibly love the Jewish Three Stooges as much as Gibson does?  In Gibson's world view,  Moe, Larry and Curly have a lot in common with Jesus Christ.  read more

OR DO YOU THINK WE'D LOOK BETTER WITH A BEER GUT?  Bravo to the Washington Post for finally discovering that the Old Dominion brewery is located along the W&OD bike trail in Ashburn, Virginia, and recommending a "bike to brews" trip as an official Washington Post fun summer activity ("Summertime Do's," 6/18/06).  Not only did the Post feature a bottle of Old Dominion on the front page of their hip, twenty-something-oriented Sunday "Source" section, they also reported that Old Dominion is currently ranked one of the top 50 breweries in the world by Ratebeer.com, and included a plug for Old Dominion's annual beer festival the following weekend.

But just when it seemed like they'd finally gotten a story right for once, the Post left us scratching our head with the puzzling advice, "If you plan on swilling brewskis all afternoon, be sure to designate a driver and a car to take you and your bike home."

Um, excuse me, Ms. Washington Post writers, but I rode my bicycle to the brewery, instead of driving my car, precisely so I could "swill brewskis" all afternoon  ... fer cryin' out loud!

I'M PRO-BEER AND I VOTE:  Smug fan of all-things-beer Wit Memo was surprised to learn, courtesy of Encyclopaedia Britannica and beery sites like Real Beer and Foam Rangers, that to real brewers and brewing scientists, the germinated barley seed that turns into the barley malt that is beer's most basic building block is called, of all things, an embryo.  Decades of studious sudsing, and still that's a new one on us.  But let's make one thing clear:  to those know-it-all brewing mavens that bit of sprouted barley might indeed be an embryo,  but to Wit Memo, it's an unborn beer.

Being single means:   Not having to concoct campy, "ironic," or hipster rationale for wanting to see "The Notorious Bettie Page."

Let them marry and let them stay:  If any topic torques the right-wing moonbats right now, it’s day laborers, the mostly Latino immigrants who congregate each morning at the suburban crossroads quickie marts that serve as de facto hiring halls for the non-union labor trades.  And if there’s anything that rattles the right’s cages more than day laborers, it’s gays.  So it stands to reason that nothing would blow their pressure cookers like GAY LABORERS.  If the values crowd had their way, they’d keep gay laborers from marrying and send them home ... to Provincetown or San Francisco or Brokeback Mountain.  But without gay laborers, who’d do the socially vital jobs that homegrown heteros aren’t will to take?   So let’s raise an icy-cold Witini -the official Wit Memo cocktail - and toast the gay laborers who keep our economy overheated by manicuring our hedges, decorating our tapas platters, styling our lawns, and choreographing the delivery of our drinks and the busing of our dirty dishes!

The Wit Memo 7^th Anniversary Issue!  flash back to February 1999 and the debut of witmemo.com, with How the Grinch Stole Valentine's Day. 
 

The Dada exhibit at the National Gallery’s East Wing until May 14 is so vast that if you go in with a snootful (a good idea in any event), you’ll come out with a hangover.  By the time you make it to Duchamp's goateed Mona Lisa  you're so Dada'd out that your reaction just might be "is that all there is to an icon?"  Return for a backwards tour, flouting the stern "Exit Only" signs ... what could be more Dada than that?  Highlights include drawings and paintings by George Grosz and Otto Dix, Hans Arp's woodcuts, and the silly "sound poems" of Hugo Ball and Kurt Schwitters. 

OFFICIALLY AN ACCIDENT:  Dick Cheney's breathing a lot easier, thanks to the incredible speed and professionalism of the Texas cops ... only a crackerjack police force could wrap up such a major investigation so soon! ... continued

The cops hauled Cindy Sheehan out of the State of the Union speech because of her T-shirt!  ... and Wit Memo couldn't be happier.
Wit Memo applauds the ejection of Cindy Sheehan and congressional wife Beverly Young from the House gallery for wearing war-slogan T-shirts to the 2006 state of the union speech ... and hopes others get the same treatment. ... continued

The Wit Memo Generation:  So Leonard Steinhorn, in his new book, says that the true "greatest generation" was us baby boomers, and not our parents?  That we "protested against an unjust war ... refused to tolerate environmental violations ... continued to challenge racial and sexual discrimination?" (Publishers Weekly)   He must have read Wit Memo in May 2004, when we wrote that We baby boomers invented civil rights, ended the war in Vietnam, created rock, discovered the environment, and weathered a storm of drugs that's knocked the younger set right on its tattooed, overly pierced ear. And if we've dislocated our shoulders patting ourselves on the back, it's only 'cause we tired of waiting for someone else to say, 'Thanks!'   So Mr. Steinhorn ... you're welcome!  But try some original ideas next time!

Science news:  TV in the bedroom halves your sex life! But keeping it there a little longer may lead to more sex than ever. 
Anyone who loves watching TV in bed more than his spouse was unsettled by recent news that, according to scientists, couples who have a TV in the bedroom have only half as much sex as couples who don’t!  ...  continued

What Pat Robertson said about Ariel Sharon wasn't even Robertson's most disturbing statement that week.  Sign Wit Memo's petition to get Pat Robertson a check up from the neck up!
Lost amid the hullabaloo over Pat Robertson's pronouncement that the debilitating stroke suffered by Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was the wrathful punishment of an angry God exercised by Sharon excising God's little half-acre was Robertson's more alarming claim, two days earlier, that God told him that another Supreme Court judge will soon retire, and that the Senate will confirm Samuel Alito's appointment to that panel. ... continued

Hot for Teacher . . . or Vice Versa?  The Most Wonderful, Best-est, Heartwarming Story of 2005 that quickened Wit Memo's pulse and reawakened our faith  ... are you listening, Rev. Robertson? 
A more heartwarming coda to 2005 could not be imagined than the spate of year-end cable news recaps exploring what they claimed was the most remarkable trend of the past year: female teachers arrested for having sex with underage teen male high- and middle-school students ... continued
 
 

Why Wit Memo wears a full face motorcycle helmet . . .