Dr. Evil: Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.
Dr. Evil: Why must I be surrounded by friggin' idiots?
Austin Powers: Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: But--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: All I'm say--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: There gonna get a--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm just--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: Would--
Dr. Evil: Sh! ...Knock-knock.
Scott: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: But--
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
Austin Powers: That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!
Vanessa: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
Dr. Evil: When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die!
Austin: She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.
Austin Powers: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the nineties, Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. . . .What?
Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
U.N. Repressentative: So, Mr. Evil -
Dr. Evil: It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily like his old man.
Scott: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil: Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
Basil Exposition: Austin, the Cold War is over!
Austin Powers: Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?
Basil Exposition: Austin... we won.
Austin Powers: Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!
Dr. Evil: There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster.
Texan: Whoo! That is one crazy get-up, mister... Are you in the show?
Austin Powers: No, actually, I'm English.
Texan: Oh... sorry.
