At the Drop of a Hat
By Ayesha Haqqiqa
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Dick Wolf; no profit is made from this story.
Let’s face it. January is January, no matter how you look at it. The holidays are gone, and all you are left with are bills and a love note from the IRS called Form 1040. But this year, Jack had been handling January fairly well. His annual cold wasn’t as bad, and he’d been able to win a string of high-profile cases, which helped Nora Lewin look good in the press.
And it was Nora that Jack was concerned about. She’d taken on the District Attorney’s job like a trouper, but he was never really sure she cared for it. He knew that personally she was against the death penalty, but that she had backed him when he asked for, and got, Murder One for an 18-year-old boy. She had spent hours managing the Executive’s meeting, which was full of ambitious prosecutors, some of whom thought they were far better qualified to be DA than a former law school professor.
Lately, when Jack had gone into her office, Nora appeared distant and distracted. Once he caught her wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. She’d said it was an allergy, but Jack knew better. He wished she would tell him what was bothering her, and yet he was afraid, too. Because he was sure it would mean that Nora was leaving his life—again.
“Jack and I know each other.” What an understatement Nora had made when the Mayor came to introduce her to the staff! How many people knew of their friendship—and brief affair—all those years ago? It had happened when they were both young, both unattached. And Jack had been a fool, and lost her.
Nora later married—briefly. She didn’t seem to have any sort of social life, at least with single men, and rumors had floated around that she was gay. Jack knew she was anything of the sort. He’d seen her a couple of times after her divorce, but it was only to wave and say hi. He’d been involved then, with one woman after another, trying to get over his own failed marriage. And now she was here, and he saw her every day. She had been all business from the start, though in a gentler, kindlier way than Adam. She had won the fierce loyalty of the young female ADAs, as well as about two thirds of the senior staff. With Jack, she’d been friendly, but shied away from the intimacy they once shared.
Jack, in his own way, was glad. He was afraid to open doors that had long been closed. He’d stopped his womanizing, having been cured of that with the death of Claire Kincaide. Oh, he’d date the occasional history professor, but it was for company and not anything else. He kept telling himself that your sixth decade was a good time to grow up. But it didn’t make him less lonely.
“Jack. Meeting.” Simon Feldman, the chief executive assitant DA leaned in the door.
“I thought the Executives Meeting wasn’t until tomorrow,” Jack said.
“Special one, just called by The Boss,” Simon replied. “Will probably last an hour or two.”
Jack groaned, looking at the mountain of paperwork on his desk. “Be right with you,” he sighed.
The Executive Committee was split, two thirds men, one third women. The women were all of color, with the exception of Murial Hopkins, a striking blonde in her mid forties whose specialty was fraud investigation. Though the majority of men were white, like Greg Morgan, there were some Hispanics, including Ramon Rivera, nephew of Judge Joseph Rivera, as well as several African Americans.
Nora entered the room and took her place. “I want to congratulate all of you for the fine record of convictions for this month. That’s a good start to the year 2002. I called you to let you know that there are likely to be some controversial cases coming up on our docket soon.”
“Terrorists?” Ramon guessed.
“No, the Feds have captured all that turf,” Murial said disgustedly.
Nora looked from one EADA to the other. “If I may continue. It doesn’t matter what the case is—what matters is how we handle it. Mayor Bloomberg let me know that he wants to keep up the image of the City. He doesn’t want a lot of bad publicity telling potential tourists that Manhattan isn’t safe.”
“You mean we are to be a PR arm of the Mayor’s office?” Murial asked sarcastically.
“No, but I want you to clear any press conferences and press statements with me first,” Nora replied crisply. “The City doesn’t need a tempest in a teapot.”
“But what if we are confronted by reporters?” Ramon asked.
Nora smiled. “Just say ‘no comment’ and go on.”
“Sounds like an infringement of our civil liberties,” Greg Morgan said. He was known to be very liberal for a prosecutor, and he was one who thought he could handle the DA’s office much better than Nora.
“I call it working as a team,” Nora replied stoutly, but with a hint of exhaustion in her voice. “You know I consulted you all before I made a statement about the death penalty”
“Something I’d never do,” Murial whispered to Simon, who frowned and shook his head.
Nora ignored the remark and went on. “The point is, we’ve all done a good job. The Mayor simply wants us to keep it up.”
“Even if it furthers his own political ambitions—and yours?” Greg Morgan asked boldly.
Nora looked at him. “I know you’re on the other side of the political fence from the Mayor,” she said, “but politics is not going to run this office. We are here to serve the people of New York County.”
“Fine, but that won’t win you votes come Election Day,” Morgan shot back.
Nora looked at him for a long moment.. Finally, she looked down at her notes. “The other item that I wish to speak about today is efficiency. Your staffs have all done so well following the chain of command that I don’t hear what’s going on in the trenches anymore.” She looked pointedly at Murial Hopkins. “Since I like to know how the place is running, I will be making periodic visits to each department, and I will be taking time to talk with all the ADAs. Tell them to have their gripes ready.” She looked around the room and sighed. “That’s all for today. This meeting will take place of the regular one scheduled for tomorrow. Thanks for coming on such short notice.”
“She’s starting her campaign,” Greg Morgan told Murial as they left. “She’s shutting us up and kissing up to our staff.”
“I’m not worried,” Murial said. “My people know where their loyalties lie, though I’ve got to wonder about some of yours.”
Morgan smiled. “I take care of my own. It’s you who keeps a tight leash on your staff.”
“Better than the sloppy work of—oh, hello, Simon.” Murial turned, acutely aware that Simon Feldman had been standing behind them, listening.
“You know, I think we all have work to do,” he said quietly as he walked between them and out the door. Jack followed, and glared at his fellow EADAs.
Murial gazed after him. “Do you suppose the rumors I hear are true? That he still carries a torch for her after all these years?”
“What ‘all these years’?” Greg asked.
“It’s something I heard at a Bar Association dinner soon after Nora was appointed to fill in for Adam. It came from Shelly Kates, who worked with Jack when he just started. Seems Nora and he lived together for a time, or took a trip together, or something.”
“Old history,” Greg Morgan said. “Whatever happened then hasn’t effected how Nora and Jack work together now.” He paused. “But if they were close at one time, that might account for it.”
“What?” Murial asked.
“Why Nora has been so sad lately. Haven’t you noticed? I bet she found out McCoy’s taste in women runs to ADAs instead of DA s.”
Murial smirked.
Nora, meanwhile, was straightening up her notes prior to leaving the room. Not that they needed straightening. But she didn’t want to go out with the others, didn’t want to have to make small talk to them. Most of all, she wanted to avoid Jack. He was the only one who knew her well enough to break through the façade and find out what was really the matter.
She waited. There, the last of them was out the door, and their voices soon faded. Nora picked up her papers and went out. She took the shortest way back to her office, telling her secretary, Stace, to hold all calls. She lay the papers on the desk, and then put her head down and cried.
“You know you can trust me,” a voice said softly. Nora sat up quickly and wiped her eyes. Jack was leaning across her desk, looking concerned.
“Darned sinus headache,” she murmured as she reached for a handkerchief to dab her eyes.
“It’s not a headache, or sinuses, that are causing you to act this way,” Jack said, coming to her side. Tentatively, he put a hand on her shoulder. “I know something’s wrong, Nor, but I don’t know what.”
He called her Nor, just as he had those many years ago. She placed her hand on top of his, and gently moved it to the desk.
“Just a headache, Jack,” she said.
He looked at her, his face working with emotion. “Don’t do this to me, Nor!” he cried. “I know I was a beast back then, but we were in our twenties! Give me another chance, even though I don’t deserve it.”
Nora looked at him with concern, and said softly, “You still beat yourself up because of what happened, don’t you?”
Jack bowed his head. “There hasn’t been a day go by since you’ve been here that I’ve wanted to come in, to say I’m sorry, but I was afraid you’d fling my apology back in my face.”
Nora’s hand was still on Jack’s, and she patted it. “Come on, Jack, I couldn’t do that.”
He looked up at her, and she smiled a wistful, sad smile.
“You know I still care for you,” he said huskily, leaning forward and taking her hand in both of his.
“And I know that I can trust you on everything except matters of the heart,” Nora replied. Jack looked chastened. “Come on, Jack, that should come as no surprise.”
“Just desserts,” Jack muttered, turning away. He walked towards the door, but then turned around. “Has someone hurt you, Nora, as badly as I did?”
“Oh Jack!” Nora almost laughed. She noted his confusion, and quickly tried to explain. “You looked so pitiful—I wasn’t laughing at you—it’s that you think I have a man—“
“Well, do you?” Jack demanded, clenching his fists. “Because if you do, and that’s the trouble, I’ll sort him out.”
Nora got up and came to him. “Jack, my knight in dented armor. You would do it, I know. But it’s not a man who has broken my heart. It’s Shannon.”
“Shannon?” Jack was thunderstruck. “But she’s like a daughter to you, Nora. You raised her after your sister and her husband were killed in that accident.”
“Shannon was the daughter I never had,” Nora said, half to herself. She walked away from Jack and looked out the window. “The daughter I pretended was ours,” she said softly to herself. She turned and looked at Jack. “You know I regretted the fact that I never had a family. And then Shannon came into my life. All the years I raised her, I tried to do my best, and yet—and yet—“
Jack was there, and Nora cried in his arms. He stroked her back and held her close, glad she could not see the tears cascading down his own cheeks. Finally, he whispered softly, “Come on, Nor, tell me what has happened. I truly want to help.”
Nora pulled herself together. “It started when she went upstate to college. I wanted her to attend a college in the City, but she was all for getting away, ‘trying her wings’. At first, I visited, and she seemed to be doing fine. But then I’d come up for weekends, and she’d be out. I’d call and ask her to come home, but she’d make excuses. At the semester, I found out from the dean that she was failing several of her classes, mostly for unfinished work and non-attendance. That’s when I went up to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, and she was gone. Vanished. Her room was emptied of all her personal things, and I didn’t know what to think.”
“Didn’t anyone know where she had gone?” Jack asked. “Surely a roommate or a friend—“
“I asked her roommate, Jennifer, who told me Shannon had been very stressed out over the heavy workloads imposed on freshmen. She told me Shannon had gone to counselling. Then I had the shock of my life. Jennifer told me Shannon had attempted suicide.”
“What? And you weren’t informed?” Jack cried.
“Not real suicide—it was in therapy,” Nora explained. “She’d written it all out, what she would do—and why. I filed missing persons—“ Nora began crying again.
“Filing a missing persons report didn’t make you cry,” Jack said softly. “It’s what Shannon said, isn’t it?”
Nora nodded. Jack held her close again. Finally, Nora whispered, “She told Jennifer—I was smothering her. Expecting too much. And those words, those very words—“
“I wish I had never said them,” Jack’s voice shook. “Oh God, Nor, if I had known that they would hurt you not once, but twice—“
“Not your fault, Jack, not your fault,” Nora’s voice was trembling. “My own—with both of you.”
“No, Nora, no,” Jack said. “I was young, and stupid. I didn’t have experience, and I didn’t realize what a caring, wonderful person you were until it was too late.”
“Jack,” Nora whispered, “it’s never too late.” She reached up and kissed him softly on the lips.
It was only then that Jack realized that Nora cared for him as much as he cared for her. He returned the kiss tenderly. They stayed locked in each other’s arms for some time.
Finally, Nora broke away. “When nothing came of the missing person’s report, I went to a detective agency to see what they could find. There was no trace of Shannon upstate,” she said. “So I’m going to get some private detectives here to look into the matter discreetly. ”
“You think she’s come back to the City?” Jack asked.
“Yes,” Nora said. “This has always been her home. I just don’t know why she didn’t tell me, come to me—before she ran away.”
“She’s young, Nora,” Jack said, stroking her hair. “Young and foolish. Did her roommate say anything about Shannon’s friends? Who she hung out with?”
“Jennifer said Shannon had had a few friends. She’d always been quite studious, and it’s been hard for her to make friends, so that didn’t surprise me. Her not doing her work does. She loved school—always. She thought the Wright Academy was the best place in the world.”
“The Wright Academy? Have you checked with folks there?” Jack asked. “Maybe she’s made contact with one of them.”
Nora looked at Jack, surprised. “I’ve been so upset, I hadn’t thought of doing that.”
“Then that’s what needs doing,” Jack said. He looked at her. “I’m caught up on my cases,” he lied, “so if you want some help—“
“I’d like that, very much,” Nora said. “I’ll go call the head of the academy now. If I find anything—will you go with me?”
“Sure,” Jack said warmly. “At the drop of a hat.” He took Nora’s hand and squeezed it, then reluctantly let go.
Jack tackled his pile of paperwork with a vengence, never even looking up when he heard his door open.
“Serena, I need you to help me—“
“It’s not Serena, but it does look like you need help,” Nora said as she entered the room. Jack looked at her sheepishly. “Looks like you were struck by an avalanche of work.”
Jack sighed. “It was here before. But it can wait, Nora. Your case takes priority.”
“This isn’t a case, Jack,” Nora replied gently.
“No, but it is your happiness,” Jack replied. “I’ve called Serena to come, and she can work on it while we’re out. That is, if that’s okay with you.”
Nora turned as Serena came in. “Ms Southerlyn, I have one question for you—has Mr. McCoy overburdened you with work?”
“Well—no,” Serena looked from Jack to Nora, confused. “I can handle whatever Jack wants me to do.”
“I’ll get him back to you ASAP,” Nora promised. “He and I are doing a little investigating, and we need to go out.”
“Sure,” Serena said, as she watched Jack leave his desk and quietly get on his coat.
“It’s the Monroe case,” Jack said, coming over to her with a folder. “I’ve been looking through the detective’s reports to see if there’s anything more to add to the evidence against him. I’ve finished to page—forty.” He showed her the document. “You know the drill. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With that, he walked to Nora, who led them out of the room.
Serena looked at them, amused. “If he wasn’t wearing that ridiculously ugly stocking cap, I’d say he was taking our DA out on a date,” she said to herself.
Miss Wurtles, headmistress of Wright Academy, greeted Nora with open arms. “It’s always good to see a parent who was so supportive while her child was in school! And it is nice that you wish to keep up with Shannon’s old friends!”
“She—has had some adjustment problems upstate,” Nora said, “and I thought if she could have the addresses of some of her old friends here—“
“Yes, that often helps,” Miss Wurtles said as she went to her computer. “I recall the girls that were Shannon’s friends. Intellectuals, all of them. Let’s see—Beverly Heidenbach is going to Yale, and Rebecca Hermann is attending Princeton. Now, the one that has stayed closest to home is Carla Santiago. She’s attending NYU.”
“Just the one I wish to talk to,” Nora said quickly. “I’m trying to convince Shannon that attending school in the City would be better.”
“Well, I have her home address and phone, though she may have moved,” Miss Wurtles said. “But her email should be current.” She printed out the information and handed it to Nora, who thanked her.
“She knows something is wrong, but won’t tell a soul,” Nora said to Jack. “It would reflect badly on the school if she did.”
“Then why not tell her the whole truth?” Jack asked as he unlocked Nora’s car and let her in.
“Maybe—because I’m too ashamed. Ashamed of what Shannon’s running away implies.”
Jack got behind the wheel and turned and looked at her. “Shannon is eighteen years old. What she does now is her responsibility.”
“Like that young man who is sitting on Death Row because he killed the Chinese delivery man?” Nora looked grave. “I can help but think of his poor mother, what she’s going through. She thought she’d raised him right, too.”
Jack took Nora’s hand and patted it. “No need to beat yourself up about this,” he said.
“As if I can help it,” Nora sighed. She fished out her phone from her purse and punched in the number. “Is Carla home? No? I’m looking for her—or rather my neice, Shannon O’Malley. Oh really? They were? And you have the address? Thank you.” Nora sighed with relief as she got off the phone. “Mrs. Santiago saw Shannon the other day. She was with Carla, and they had come to dinner. I have Carla’s new address.” Nora was glowing as she gave the slip of paper to Jack.
The glow on Nora’s face dimmed as they reached the address. It was not one of the finer neighborhoods. Homeless people sat on the sidewalk, and trash and filth was scattered around. Nora stepped around a rather disgusting looking puddle to make it to the steps of the aged tenement. Jack took her arm to steady her, but she waved him off and boldly went inside.
The name ‘Santiago’ was on one of the mailboxes, and Nora hit the buzzer above it.
“Who is it?” a voice crackled.
“Nora Lewin,” Nora shouted. There was a pause—a long one. Finally, the click came to let them inside.
The apartment was on the third floor, and Nora saw Carla standing in the doorway as they walked up the stairs.
“Hello, Carla,” Nora said. “I was wondering if you could help me. I’m looking for Shannon.”
“Hey, Shannon isn’t here,” Carla said, crossing her arms in front of her.
“Have you seen her recently?” Nora asked.
Carla looked at her. “I’ve seen her around,” she said finally. “You got this address from my mother, didn’t you? Then you know Shannon went with me to see her. Shannon had come by my place that afternoon, and we hung out together, until it was time to go see my family. I haven’t seen her since.”
“Young lady, you’re lying,” Jack said, coming over to her. “Don’t try to deny it. I’m in the business of finding out the truth. Shannon’s in your apartment right now, isn’t she? Won’t you let us come in?”
“Hey, if you are so into getting at the truth, get this. You can’t come in here unless I give you permission,” Carla said stoutly.
“I know that,” Jack said. “As you have probably surmised, I’m an officer of the court.”
“You’re with the DA, so you’re a prosecutor,” Carla said.
“And the work of a prosecutor is to see justice is done,” Jack replied. “Is it just that Shannon ran away and never told her aunt where she was going? Nora has been worried sick!”
“Just one more thing on my list of screwups,” Shannon said as she opened the door. Carla looked at her in surprise. “No, it’s okay. Aunt Nora needs to know sooner or later. It might as well be now.” She turned and walked into the apartment. Carla stepped aside and invited Nora and Jack in.
Compared to the neighborhood, the apartment was a castle. The furniture was old and worn, but things were neat and clean. Shannon sat down on an overstuffed chair, crossing her hands and legs defensively. Nora looked at her, and then sat on the couch, where Jack joined her.
“I’ve got some studying to do,” Carla said, and fled to another room.
Shannon looked at her aunt for some time. Nora smiled, and tried to pat Shannon’s knee, but the girl pulled away. Nora sighed, and looked at Jack helplessly.
“I’m Jack McCoy, Shannon,” he said.
“I know who you are. I’ve seen you at Hogan Place,” Shannon said.
“Would you rather I go so you can have a private talk with your aunt?”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? There’s nothing much to talk about. I screwed up, big time.”
“Shannon, everyone screws up from time to time. That’s part of the price we pay for being human,” Jack said. “Now, the failures in life are the ones who never learn from their mistakes and keep repeating them. The winners in life are the ones who go on, and change because of what has happened to them.” Jack looked at the troubled girl, and couldn’t help but think of his own daughter, Elizabeth. She had gone through several crises in her life, and, luckily, she’d allowed him to help. Jack only prayed that Shannon would do the same for Nora.
“But you don’t understand,” Shannon said. “I let everyone down. I let Aunt Nora down. I let myself down. I was so stupid to think I could make it on my own!” She hid her face in her hands and started to cry.
Nora came over to her and put her hand on her back. “Shannon, you haven’t let me down. I’ll always be there for you. Just please let me know where you are, and don’t run away again.”
Shannon cried harder. She got up, and Nora hugged her. “Please, dear, tell me how all this started, and we’ll do something about it to make it right.”
Shannon broke away from Nora and paced the floor. “It started about a month into the semester. That’s when I realized that some of the courses I was taking were too advanced. Especially the math and chemistry classes. I had started making friends, but they all had plenty of time to hang out and get their assignments done, too. I just didn’t have the time….and I was too ashamed to ask them for help. I knew they’d think I was stupid, and didn’t belong there. So I – I stopped seeing them. But the work didn’t get easier. It got harder. And when I flunked two quizzes in one day, I just freaked out. I sort of froze. I spent a lot of time in the library, reading old newspapers and art books. I had so wanted to fit in, to belong, and do it on my own, but –“
“You did go to a counsellor,” Nora said. “That was a good choice.”
Shannon looked at her. “You really have been checking up on me, haven’t you? I went—once. I was feeling very bad that day, and when the counsellor asked me to write out my feelings, I sort of got carried away. I blamed all of this on you, and then sketched a very gorey ending for myself.” She looked at Nora. “I hope that Jennifer didn’t tell you any of the details of what happened.”
“No, she didn’t,” Nora lied. “But why didn’t you go back, dear?”
“I don’t know,” Shannon said. “I guess it was because I was afraid. Afraid to take on the responsibility for my life just then. It was easier to hide. I thought about going out and getting royally drunk, but you know I hate the taste of liquor. I thought about drugs, but what good would that do? It would just eat away at my small amount of savings. Finally, I realized I’d had it, and packed up and came back to the City. I roamed around for days, staying at the Y and trying to figure out what to do. Then I ran into Carla, and she convinced me to come here.” She looked at Nora. “I’ve not been bumming off her, either. I got a job at a café a couple of blocks from here, and I’ve been able to pay her some of the rent money. And I get to take home leftover food, so we’ve not been starving.”
Nora looked at Shannon with respect. “You know, for someone who thinks they’ve made a mess of things, you’ve handled it pretty well. You found shelter, and then a job. You haven’t hidden behind drugs. You’ve got a loyal and true friend who really cares for you. And you have an aunt who is proud of you.”
This caused Shannon to cry again. When she subsided, Nora helped her back down in the chair. “Now, the question is, what do you want to do next?”
“Next?” Shannon looked at Nora through watery eyes.
“Yes,” Nora said. “You’ve created a life for yourself here. Do you want to continue it?”
“Well—I thought that you’d want me to—“ Shannon began.
Nora held up a hand. “It’s not what I want or don’t want,” she said. “It’s what you want to do now. It’s your life, not mine. But whatever you decide, you’ll have my full support and blessing.”
Shannon looked at Nora. “You mean that, you really do,” she said. Suddenly, she stood up. “I need to get Carla in here,” she said, and left the room.
Jack looked at Nora anxiously; Nora only watched and waited for her niece’s return. Shannon returned with Carla a few minutes later.
“Carla, Aunt Nora, this is what I’d like to do, if it’s okay with you.” She looked from friend to aunt. “I’d like to stay here with Carla, and work at the café—until the start of the next semester. Then I’d like to start at City College, if you think they won’t hold my dismal record against me.”
“All you can do is write and find out,” Nora said. “Try NYU, while you’re at it. Let’s see if we can’t do a simple transfer.”
“Thank you, Aunt Nora!” Shannon cried, hugging her aunt tightly. “It’s time for me to go on duty at the café, if you’d like to come and eat an early supper—you and Mr. McCoy.”
“We’d like that very much, “ Jack said. Smiling, Shannon accompanied them to the car.
The café was a little eatery offering typical American food. Jack and Nora ate the limp salad and greasy hamburgers with smiles on their faces. Shannon was very pleased at their reaction; she was the only waitress on duty at that early hour, but she handled her few customers quickly and efficiently. She beamed when both Jack and Nora complimented her on a job well done.
“My stomach won’t forgive me for a while for eating all that grease,” Nora said as she got into the car, “but it was worth it to make Shannon happy.”
“You handled it all well, Nor,” Jack said as they got in. “You let her know she can still fly, that her wings aren’t clipped.”
“I’m just glad that she didn’t get on drugs or start drinking like a fish,” Nora said exhaustedly.
“Not one of the better life choices,” Jack said quietly as he pulled away from the curb.
“Oh Jack! I’m sorry to have brought that up!” Nora cried.
Jack smiled sadly. “It’s good to see a teenager who has more sense than I did those many years ago.” He drove on in silence. “We’ll be back at Hogan Place in no time.”
True to his word, in a few minutes Jack pulled into the parking garage. Nora got out, and Jack made sure the car was locked before handing the keys to her.
“Thanks for being there with me, Jack,” Nora said, reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. “I don’t think I’d have found out the truth without you.”
Jack just smiled and put his arm around her as they walked towards the elevator. They didn’t know that Muriel Hopkins was on the other side of the garage, getting into her car. She stopped as she watched Nora kiss Jack, and raised her brows. “Maybe there is truth to that rumor after all,” she said to herself as she watched them walk to the elevator.