Nikkei Entertainment magazine, May 4, 2001
Translated by wataru
Having reached the top, her state of mind is "nothingness"
On March 28, Ayumi Hamasaki's best compilation album, "A Best," was released. It contains the most notable hits of the woman who has, since her debut in April of 1998, been looked upon as a leader not only in music, but also in fashion. In these three years how has she changed?
Nikkei Entertainment: You began composing with "M." With "evolution" and "NEVER EVER" that's three songs.
Ayumi Hamasaki: Well, they're my songs so I can't just listen from the sidelines. But still I don't have much confidence [in my composing ability.] Or rather, it feels like I've just begun.
NE: Has anything changed as a result of your composing?
AH: For example, if you put the Japanese word for "word," "kotoba," to music it becomes "ko, to, ba," right? But if it's someone else's music, even if I definitely wanted to put "kotoba" in at a certain spot the notes don't work and it comes out poorly. Until now it has been rare that my first choice of words would happen to match the melody, and I often have to settle for different words. But now if I want to use a particular word, since I can think about how well it resonates and put it in a melody myself, it's a nice feeling.
NE: Was there a particular, direct opportunity to begin doing it on your own?
AH: With "M" we gathered a lot of music but there was nothing that really struck me. I realized, trying to explain to the composer in great detail "I want something like this, with that," etc., that if I knew so well what I wanted then it would be much better to do it myself.
NH: How do you make your music? Humming? Or do you use instruments?
AH: I punch it all in.
What she wanted to say in her album "Duty"
NE: When "Duty" was released, your first album, "A Song for XX," was an autobiographical work, and your second album, "LOVEppears," sang of love... You were commenting that this album's theme was "people."
AH: At this point I probably couldn't make another album like "A Song for XX" and I couldn't make one like "LOVEppears." (Having come to this point) there are things I'm glad I know and things I wish I didn't know. I think that within all that, what I'm saying to the world now isn't "Hey, this is me!" The time I was saying "Hey, listen. This is me" and wanting people to turn around and look was with "A Song for XX." But now everyone's already looking my way, so instead of getting their attention now I have to focus on what I'm telling them. I want to tell the many adults and kids watching me how they look from my point of view.
NE: In the title song of your third album, "Duty," you sing, "I thought what I was searching for was in the future, but was really in the past." It feels as though there may be some despair or resignation lying within you.
AH: Before making "Duty" I always felt despair. But after making it I realized that I just have to stop it. It's not a complete change of heart, but there's no more despair.
NE: I get the feeling that you are aware of crises in the world today. For example there are kids committing crimes, kids stuck indoors, etc. How do you see 15-17-year-old kids?
AH: Not specifically those kids, but I think someone has to hit the brakes. Things flow too fast. Even for artists. They come out and everyone goes crazy, then they suddenly disappear and everyone wants the next new person. It's the same with things [products, etc.] Recently I've been thinking a lot that someone has to stop this excessively fast flow of time.
Someone has to stop this excessively fast flow of time
NE: We are the ones who believe in the power of entertainment. There's no way it'll be stopped by politicians. Have you, yourself, been "saved" by entertainment, be it music, movies, or books?
AH: Hmm... I guess I'm "saved" by the people who are close to me. I'm influenced a lot by what I can see with my own eyes, what I can feel--things I can believe in. But it's hard to believe when something like music or movies comes between those people and me. So from the young peoples' point of view there must be many mysterious things about me. I bet there are a lot of people who wonder, "What on earth does she eat?" But everyone senses things through the media so I hope that the true me is communicated, even just a little, to the people.
NE: To that end, is there anything you've resolved to do?
AH: Only to never tell lies. Since I'm not the kind of person who believes "tomorrow will be a brighter day." I'm often plagues by tie-ups so I'm often called on to do cheerful and energetic songs. But I don't want to say "there's always tomorrow" if I don't believe it.
The sparkling goal was merely and extension of reality
NE: In previous interviews you've said that you "don't have dreams." Has that changed?
AH: No, it hasn't.
NE: You have climbed to the top. You've come to the point where you must ascend to the next level. What will you do now?
AH: Honestly, now I feel "nothingness." I had a goal, and until now I've kept my eyes solely on the prize. When I was still reaching for it, it glittered brightly and seemed almost detached from reality; it was something I could never attain. But now that I've reached it, it's just an extension of reality. That's probably what this point in time is. I've shoved many things in my pockets and come running as hard as I can, but on the way i dropped some of those things and I didn't even realize it. That's why I've been feeling that I'm lacking something recently.
NE: Teenage life these days is very empty. There are no good role models except, perhaps, you. It's not your mission, but since you've reached the top I'd like to see you try for it [being a role model.]
AH: Thank you very much.