We were once being attracted by these big eyes and so many things beyond these attractive eyes are to be told to us.
We have interviewed Ayu for five years by following her, but never thought that she would lead us to visit her hometown by herself.

Reporter: do you never dream you could hold your concert in your hometown?
Ayu: Never!  When I was in Fukuoka, I never thought I would be a singer even after I came to Tokyo

In 1999, we interviewed Ayu for the first time when she was being on the way to the top of pop.
Her lyrics impressed many girls in senior high school and she was admired by them

Reporter: what makes you begin your singing life?
Ayu: for what? ..... maybe I just want to own a place which belongs to me.

Ayu at 21 years old answered this question like that.

Then, when you walked on street, thousands of “Ayumi hamasaki” could be found.
Ayu try her best to shape every “ayumi hamasaki” image. All these efforts made us surprised and impressed.
A perfect article “Ayumi hamasaki”. In this interview, we could see the efforts of Ayu so clearly.

Ayu : I hope another Ayu could be in the seat of audience so two Ayus could see each other on the stage and down the stage.

In 2000, we were following Ayu all along and thought this interview will end. But in 2001, this interview continued because in this time, Ayu was facing the danger of losing her left ear.

Ayu: I almost could hear nothing.
Reporter: how about now?
Ayu: I still couldn’t receive the telephone by my left ear

She tried to find a place but she found scars bestrewed on her body.
In 2002, Ayu won the Record Award for the second time consecutively, despite her 'scars'.  From then on, we could feel we were far away from her...
No, it is us who made her far away to us.
Ayu said to us afterward, "It is not easy to be comprehensive to each other."
Now, these eyes full of energy seem to lose their glare.

In 2003, we seem to never interview Ayu until this year, all the mistakes and bias are gone in this 3-hour interview.

Ayu: After this interview, I always thought all is unmeaningful so I called you at once said “may you interview again?”. Last year, I gained the Record award for three years but I was so calm and said smiling 'my age has passed'.

On Jan 2004, ayu called us and said “I want to be interviewed again”
In fact, one month before, we have interviewed her.  But she said “ I hope that the content of that interview isn’t used by you”
No one knows the truth but Ayu.

When we meet Ayu again, we feel she has make some decisions.
All made us to understand, in five years, what we saw and what we missed.  Now the long interview will begin and before this we have to recall the interview 3 years ago.

In March 2001, “Ayumi hamasaki” images were found everywhere in a town “Shibuya”.
This image was the cover of handpicked album where a tear flowed down on a black and white face of Ayu. Now, thousands of 'crying Ayu' appeared in everywhere.
The album organization sent the message to Ayu that her new handpicked album will be issued. Only after 3 years, we knew how this message shocked Ayu.

Ayu: because this album was issued in a no-suited situation. No, to me, my handpicked album shouldn’t be like this though I always expected and wished I could issue my handpicked album.
but the organization told me suddenly “ xx month xx day, your handpicked must go to market”
Go to market? What does it mean? My god, these words really beat me so hard.

We also recorded Ayu while she re-sings some of the songs in her handpicked album.
“Just a handpicked album, why does she re-sings all the songs?” at that time, we all didn’t understand.  Now, when we think about this thing again, maybe this thing is just her little protest to her company.

During the period of the release of her new album, “ayumi hamasaki” appeared in 40 magazine covers on the market. This was a decision made by Ayu.
Even under the condition of hard work and a busy schedule, Ayu actually finished the shooting of 40 magazine covers; we seemed to see Ayu was cheating herself
Even to workgroup, Ayu appeared so strict that never happened to her.

Ayu: we had changed our clothes and were ready to go. But we were demanded to wait for a minute. No one told me why. Waiting for what? What make we have to wait? Why don’t they explain all things?
Not only Ayu was waiting, all the workgroup members were waiting too.
This was a shadow that couldn’t bear any mistakes and never compromised. We all blinked on this shadow silently.

Reporter: Why did you make this decision ( shoot for these covers of 40 magazines)
Ayu: If this was just a common album, I wouldn’t do like this. But, you know, this is my handpicked album. Maybe this is my last album. Maybe I couldn’t get the chance again. I also want to give myself a presentation.

At that time, I gave myself a presentation that I am just a person called “Ayumi Hamasaki”, a single person, just a female, but I am also a part of company, and make it clear that I am an important product of a company called Avex. I always told this to myself.
Reporter: You just did what you force yourself to do?
Ayu: yea, So I think I will be over.
Reporter: “Over” means you will retire?
Ayu: Retire? I didn’t think too much and didn’t make a detailed decision. I just wanted to leave.

On the day handpicked album was released, a female singer's album (Utada Hikaru) of another company was also released.  All media paid so much attention to this abnormal “war”
Ayu’s handpicked album sold more than 4 million.  A reluctant decision affected the stock price of a company badly.

Now, Ayu had made an strong decision.
Ayu: If I couldn’t back off, If I couldn’t turn back, I will go on my way intently. I don’t how to explain it to you…… although I am a part of this company, I resisted it.
After half a year, a PV explained everything.

Finally, she found her own place, but she also found that she had to continue to fight all along, so how deeply her despair is actually?
This entire thing let us recall her old song << A song for XX >>

It is so mysterious that we always hear this song in many interviews...<A Song for XX>

There was some unconscious intermittent singing and an abnomal phenomena appeared
Ayu: some odd sound beyond music was heard.
Staff: was it some noise?
Ayu: I don’t know, but it made me do not know which paragraph I was singing.

Now, Ayu heard some odd sound on her left ear. It makes us recall the situation that she was almost deaf on her left ear one year ago.
Ayu: if referring the situation before, the noise will be more and more.
Staff: Could you use an earplug all alone?
Ayu: once it (noise) started, nothing could stop it.

With the amount of work at that time, it was impossible to change the rehearsing plan. Although earplug was used, the drumming in the ears could not be stopped.  The rehearsal went on as expected.
 

The rehearsal of last day began in a big dome. After diagnoses, doctor gave an advice to Ayu that her ear could not be healed if she continues her work under that high decibel condition.
But there were only three days left for her concert when she received the doctor's advice.

Musical scale wasn’t felt. Not only sweat was wiped. In the stage with faint glim, Ayu lowered her head and sat down in step.
Work staff detected Ayu's abnormal behavior and felt nervous. Although they understood the problem of Ayu, this situation was just like a running wild horse and no one could stop it.
After mading an apology gesture, Ayu disappeared in the corner of stage.
It was the first time that this look of Ayu was seen, one who never shows her weakness.
 

2001.6.22
In Ayu’s born place, Fukuoka, her 4 dome-tour formally began.
There were so many eager fans outside of the dome, but no one knew ayu was tortured by her ear problem.
Due to the problem of Ayu's ear, the time of rehearsal was less than that of plan.
Just for 30 thousand coming fans, Ayu try her best until the last moment.
Although we had understood Ayu as a pop icon, her fate had brought her pain. When we saw Ayu in this moment, we tasted deeply that reality is so cruel.

Two hours before the beginning of concert, a big globe was presented on stage.
Ayu accidentally fell in a two meter hole including a staff who wanted to save Ayu.  Maybe ear problem made Ayu lose her balance.
Now, we couldn’t help to suspire. Is all testing enough that was given to Ayu by God? Don’t make any fun of Ayu again, please!
But, our camera couldn’t be stopped, the record must be continue.
Do you want to continue? It is enough. So many angry eyes gazed at us and demanded us to stop the recording.

Although there was distrust to the company and bearing the ear problem, the credit to fans couldn’t be lost.
With this thought, Ayu was put to a stretcher and sent to hospital

From the nervous staff, we guess the concert may be cancelled. But we also thought Ayu may have a rest for this reason.  Now, some critical decision had to be made.
Staff: we had told Ayu, today's concert may be cancelled, maybe including tomorrow's one
If the concert was delayed, high compensation had to be paid for.
In the stage with glaring light, all things proved the heavy pressure Ayu had to bear. But as an important product of the company, the situation was beyond Ayu's grasp.
All fans outside of the dome knew nothing of the truth, they were just waiting for Ayu's concert silently.
30 minutes before the opening of concert, the car came back and Ayu in wheel chair looked to our camera and said some words that made our surprise. “The concert is on its way”

Even Ayu was injured, she wouldn’t betray her fans and staffs.  Just like that, Ayu came back to stage again in her wheel chair.
The doctor advised Ayu she must rest her feet for at lest three weeks in order for them to recover.

Staff: “can you run”
“Of course” Ayu answered without any hesitation.
Although the opening time was delayed, everything went on as planned.
 

Now, the concert finally began that had to last for two hours. Under her fans’s cheering, the dazzling of light glared again on Ayu, who is actually full of scars
Almost 30 thousands fans never felt any abnomal in Ayu.  After finishing her dome tour successfully, Ayu almost lost her left ear.

Now, Ayu have reached the top of pop world. All her albums issued were on the top of list.  We continued to follow Ayu and wanted to understand all her things.

Ayu: Tt that time, I am at a loss and don’t know how to express my feelings. So I told that to my producer. He asked: do you feel that there four walls around you . I answered at once: right. It seems that there is a broad space around me and I can get hope easily and all things seems beautiful and glaring. But this isn't the truth.
Reporter: what color are the walls?
Ayu: just white

She felt the despair again even though she reached  the top of the place
At that time, we called Ayu again and hoped to interview at her home because we want to see a real Ayu. But, our last require was rejected, why?

Ayu: I don’t believe your reason of interviewing in my home. Do you just want to learn a real me? No,I don’t think so. I feel I am just forced to compromise this interview at any time.
We can’t deny what she said.
Is there another Ayu hidden beyond the one in front of us? 

After graduating middle school, Ayu often go to Shibuya. When we began our following interview, we also went to Ayu’s hometown, but we just got these information:
She lived with her mother and grandmother after her parents divorced.
Now, Ayu has forgotten her father's face.
Before this program, we are required to not to use her photo in her period of living in Fukuoka.

Now, Ayu is 25 years old.
Ayu: I couldn’t forgive myself in the past, including all things in the past. I felt I had been knocked down by the past and don’t hope my past is reviewed by anyone.

“Will you follow me to come back Fukuoka?” This was Ayu’s advice.
In the interview, Ayu said: “The truth, actually not just one, the truth of every one is felt differently. After understanding this, I feel so easy and free. So it isn’t necessary to hide my past.

For five years following interview, we finally reach the end of its way.

Ayu: yea~~~ I often come here; the old and broken boats are also there. I can’t remember who I went fishing with, I dived from here and was blamed. These things happened in my childhood. It is so obscure but I think he should be my father.
Reporter: is he really your father?
Ayu: I think so, so many fish tools in my home; they are kept all along.
She really didn’t hide herself.

(Some children called Ayu, but they called “Ayumi”, not “Ayu”)
Ayu: My god…… I am actually called “ayumi”
Child: Where are you going?
Ayu: School
We never saw such calm expression in Ayu’s face. Of course, she is also a common 25-year-old girl.

(in car)
Ayu: just here
Reporter: Do you need to get off for a look?

Ayu: When I was about 17 or 18 year old, my grandmother went to this hospital when she was sick.
Ayu’s grandmother always supports Ayu and protects her all along.
Ayu: At that time, I was at a loss and often sit in a daze in this park.

On the day, I was going to record my debut album. My first record. Before I leave, I told my grandmother that I had to leave for my debut album record and after I finished it, I would come back at once. So wait for me. At that time, my grandmother had been in a dizzy sleep and couldn't eat any food, but just that moment, she actually cried.

Just in the morning of Ayu’s debut album record, her grandmother left her for ever.  Before Ayu came in the record room, she received this unfortunate news
After that, Ayu began her concert tour.

She had held so many concerts in Fukuoka, but she always avoided to come back to this park.
Now, with the power of camera, she came back here and faced a past Ayu.