Closed Caption for the emotionally impaired

I see people in my life that I want to help. But the closer I try to get
to them. The further they seem to move away. The pain that has
happened in there life is what keeps them away. It just tares me up inside
to see these people constantly in pain over the hurt they have been
through. I want to be the rock that they can cling to. The shoulder they
can cry on. To hold them in my arms and make all the things go away.
To hold them and say all the right things at the right time to help them
feel better about them self's. To trust me with their pain, their hopes, &
fears. To be the one that I can share those things with them too.
I feel so many people in my life trying to reach out for help. But
the further I put out my hand. The more they pull their hands back.
There is so many things I want to say to them. So many thing I can't say
anything at all an don't know where to begin. I have so much love for
them it pains me to not be able to go to them an rap my arms around
them an just say. I love you and I don't wont you to hurt anymore. I will
try to make things better for you. I promise.
I fear that so many people in my life has been hurt so badly in their
life that they don't dare let me in. For fear that they will get hurt again.
Then pass up the person that wants to know them for who they really
are. To go and put them self's with others that don't know them fully an
to be hurt again. I fear that if I do truly love them I will have to let them
go. Because I know I can't force them to accept my love for them. As I
can't expect them to love me for my true self. For I have my own painful
feelings and fears.


Painful Screams
In the still of the night with only the moon to light your
way. You hear screams of someone in great pain. Calling
for someone that can feel their pain. Someone to lead
them out of the darkness that has become their fortress an
in to the light. Hearing theses screams from all around
you. The ear piercing sounds echoes through your head
and down through your body.
With uncertainty of what you will fined. You stretch
out your arms to feel your way through the darkness. You
begin calling to them. Hoping to fined out what has put
them in such pain. As the sounds seem to be getting
louder they suddenly stop. You think you see something
moving out of the corner of your eye. As you tern to get a
better look to see there isn’t anything there. You yell out
for them to come closer, as you hear giggling in the
shadows as they run away.
Hearing the screams again. But much stronger now as
they beckon you. Tarring at your flesh, tugging at your
soul. So you start moving through the darkness again.
Very slowly now not to scare them away again. Going
over walls, through thick brush, and deep rivers. Till you
get to a great tower.
You feel along the outside looking up for a sine that
they are inside. As your looking for a door or some way to get in.
But you can’t fined any openings and the walls are to smooth to
clime. So you call to them, let me in. Why did you bring me all the
way to just tern me away?



Misery in the Light

Those that run from the light. For fear that the light is not theirs for
the taking. Finding comfort in the darkness that anchors them to their
misery. Although they are showered with light. They look for the light
in places that has no light to offer, only to fined further misery. Still
wallowing in the darkness. For they can not see pass the misery that has
been given them in the past and let it protect them in the future. Without
fear to give their light freely with no remorse of being stoned, exiled by
those that hunger for the light and have no true light to give.


Maybe I am scared

I had this best friend. I thought I knew her better than anyone. We
did things, gone places, an had allot of fun. Although She has stabbed
me in the back once. I kept running back to her. Cues I thought that she
was the one. The only person that I could be my self with. The only one I
could trust with my heart. Telling her that it is O.K. it wont leave a scar
or a mark.
Maybe I did some things too. To force her to do the things that she
has done. Make her feel that she needed to fined someone other than me
to have some fun. Maybe I Was blinded by other things. So badly when I
started down this road. I couldn’t hear her yelling. Turn, Turn around! I
am back her! With signs smacking me in the face an not fazing me. Till I
got to the one that said End of road. 50 foot cliff. Then I realized that my
life has fallen apart around me.
Now she has already taken the other road with out me. Found other
people that seen her signs and came to her rescue. As I teeter on the
edge. Clawing with bloodied fingers at the wall that she has built.
Yelling I don’t understand. I was never that fare away. But now I fear
she is to fare down that other road to come back for me.
She has already started her new life. She just don’t have room for
me. Doesn’t know how I fit in it. As She stands atop her wall and says
that I need more time to think by my self. To see how I really feel. Cues
your to scared to face your own fears.



Lonly in love
For a long time I thought I wasn’t alone. But looking back now I must of
been blind or seen only what I wanted to see. The gullible one was I, to believe that
they would not lie. For the love what I thought I had, was the love I am unsure was
given. It was only the love that I wanted to have. To believe that it was only mine
without conditions.
Because love is a fickle thing. You fallin and out of love, sometimes so
easily. From friend to friend and lover to lover. Not differentiating one from the other.
I thought I knew what love ws, but now I am uncertain if I really had love at
all. For if I was really in love, how could I fall out of love so easily. Or have I been
out of love and replacedlove with not wanting to be alone.


Sorry & Thank you

I wanted to tell you that I was sorry and that I thank you.
Sorry for the things that has happened, and the things that has not
yet happened .
Thank you for the things that had to happen, and the things that
might or could happen.
For I can not tell you why I feel I need to tell you this. Because you
may not understand if I tried right now. But maybe one day you will look
back on this and know why I am.
So let me say this now. For all the times I should have but didn’t,
and all the times I will have to but might not. I am sorry and I thank you
from the bottom of my heart.

A SPIDER IN THE WINDOW

Forgetting the past and only thinking of the present. She drew me
in, not thinking that some of me would remain after our innocence faded.
Lifting shadows off what I only thought would be a dream. Beginnings
get complicated the ferther we progress. Opinions are calculated immune
to openness. When I thought the wall had fallen. It was only replaced
with a stained glass window. Leaving me listening for faint taps. As I
hang on to a thread. Spinning hopes an lies devised in my head, of what
might be. As she sets behind the stained glass, praying that I won’t ask
her for what she can’t give. So I’ll just wait inside my head living off my
nightmares. I’m still kneeling here like a spider staring at the window not
able to move forward, not knowing if I can move back. I can only bare
all that I am made of now. She has the power to tern a drop of water into
a ocean.


To my Angel

When I thought I was listening to what she was saying. I only herd
what I thought I wanted her to say. But she had been listening to me.
Making promises she knew I wasn’t ready to up hold.
It wasn’t till when I thought she couldn’t get any further away from
me. When she couldn’t of been any closer. She was my sunshine after
my rain. For that I can never thank her enough. Because she was giving
me wings when I could not fly.
She is my angel when I couldn’t be hers. I hope she can fined it in
her heart to give me a second chance, to make it up to her. Maybe then
she can forgive me, or I can forgive myself for leaving my angel without
wings of her own in the rain.


HEART FELT RAGE
Trust shattered by images in my head, then put back together
again, by the memories of what use to be, and pulled back apart by the
things that people have told me, of the things that she has done, an
paranoid of the things that she might have told them. Over and over
things running through my head. Image after image, thought after
thought, like a festering wound growing in my mined. So many things, so
many things just building up and building up making me want to gouge
my eyes, and rip out my heart with my own fingers to make these
feelings go away. Because I have so much pain, anguish, and misery, not
just of what she has done to me, but of the things I should of did for her.
I just want it all to end.