It may seem a complete over-reaction to some people but I have actually called in sick to work a few times because of bad acne breakouts. Once, a couple of years ago, it was a whole week off work because my skin was so bad and would not improve. I know that bad skin does not mean I am 'ill' and I know that I could still do my work perfectly well. However, the embarrassment I feel is so intense that I really cannot bear to face people. I also need to wash my face in work if my acne is bad or the foundation starts to slide off and you can see the horridness beneath. It's tricky to get the moments right so that no-one catches you in the toilets, dashing from the sink to a cubicle!
In my early twenties I used to cycle into work a lot. If it was raining and I had very bad skin then I would rather call in sick than face arriving at work with my concealer all washed away by the rain. Nobody has ever seen how bad my skin can get.
Last year I was doing some voluntary work experience in a local primary school. As bad luck would have it my skin decided to break out just as I began. I hardly need to tell you how embarrassed I felt in front of the class, even though they were children. Walking through the playground at breaktime I felt like I was a kid again. I felt very vulnerable to the teasing and torments that used to happen when I was at school. Feeling at my most self-conscious anyway, one of the kids, about 10 years old, looked at me walking by and asked me what all the lumps on my face were. I replied quite plainly that it was acne and I did not appear to let the comment bother me; but inside I was feeling ugly and inferior. My confidence had taken another battering.
I feel I have had to rule out certain occupations or challenges because of my acne. I wanted to teach English overseas when I graduated but my skin was so unpredictable I could not imagine being away for so long without my usual medication or securities. It was not just normal acne I had to contend with, it was very severe and disfiguring, and to go and live in a different country with no hideaway when my acne flared up was too scary an idea. When my skin was good I would consider going again, but when it was bad I knew there was no way I could.
I'm a tall girl and, if I had no acne on my face as a teenager, I would be quite attractive. In my teenage years when I had a long clear skin phase, I was once asked if I was a model. I was so incredibly happy about that, but at the same time it made me so resentful towards my acne for disfiguring what would otherwise be an attractive face, and possible a career. Nowadays, at 26 I look more like 29 because of the harsh chemicals I used on my skin as a teenager. Acne ravages your skin even when it's gone.
~~Acne and boyfriends~~
This has to be the area where acne can really deplete many peoples' confidence. Thankfully though, my acne never seemed to deny me boyfriends. I never 'went out' with anyone until I was 15 and did not have a proper boyfriend until I was 18, and by that time my confidence was much improved so my personality could shine through a bit more. I did have understanding partners, although one of them said he was glad I had bad skin because otherwise I would get lots of other men looking at me. I think he meant this as a compliment but I took it the other way to mean that I was not attractive enough to get looks from other people. In other words I ought to be grateful to have him. I was not happy about that remark at all!
When getting intimate with a boyfriend for the first time my mind would be preoccupied with ensuring he did not see the acne on my back. Once he noticed and we talked about it then I felt better, but I would've done anything to not have him see.
I thank god now for my very kind and understanding husband who has seen my skin at its worst and doesn't bat an eyelid. He is the only person who has ever seen me with a bad breakout with no makeup covering it and he simply tells me that he loves me no matter what.
Following getting engaged to my now husband, my biggest fear was that I would have acne on my wedding day. I knew the photos and video would hold the evidence forever and that I would feel acutely embarrassed in front of a crowd of old friends and relatives. I convinced myself they'd be judging me, muttering amongst themselves, 'oh, what a shame she's still spotty.'
My wedding was in April and in the February this year I had a bad breakout. I was so petrified and upset about it that I scoured the internet for any alternative treatments I might have missed. Among the more interesting here were suggestions to use a face mask of egg-yolk every day and the most astounding - to put urine on my face. I am not ashamed to admit that I tried it. And it sort of helped too! At least, it softened and brightened my skin to a degree.
The main treatments I have tried in the last couple of years when I have been searching the hardest for an acne cure are listed below. I have written them in order of effectiveness in my experience.
~~ Top 10 Treatments~~
1) Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid) - the star of them all. I have written about this in more detail further on.
2) Silicol Skin - a fabulous skin gel that was reviewed in the Daily Mail and supposedly cured someone's acne. This can be bought for £7.99 from www.healthreaction.com or elsewhere on the Internet. I still use this regularly/daily.
3) Cutting refined sugar completely out of my diet. This helps a lot.
4) Cutting most carbohydrates out of my diet, especially potatoes. This works too, and is meant to have something to do with lowering the insulin levels in the body. Kind of makes sense, but could be dangerous for some - see 'Atkins Diet' on other ops!
5) Vitamin A - not recommended during pregnancy and you have to be careful not to overdose on it at any time because it is not water-soluble.
6) Tea Tree oil - a remarkable yet simple antidote to little spots MSM - Sulpur supplement that definitely softened and helped my acne.
7) Yoga and Meditation - this should come higher in the list really but I am not completely convinced that it affects my acne, though it calms me down mentally.
8) Agnus Castus - a herb that balances female hormones.
9) Natural Progesterone cream - this should really be administered under a doctor, although I did not take this advice myself. Helpful for balancing hormones again, and it made me feel very soft all over my body.
10) Flax Seed Oil
~~Pantothenic Acid~~
Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid) is mostly known for its beneficial effect on hair (Pantene!) but I had never considered its ability with regard to skin. I found a website, (www.absoluteacneinfo.com), and there were hundreds of people in the forum reporting remarkable improvements and even complete cessation of acne by taking B5. Needless to say, I did not hesitate to buy some for myself. To my utter amazement and absolute delight my skin was dryer, tighter, clearer, more glowing and healthy looking within a few days. I had found my wonder drug at last. 2 months before the most important day of my life and I had eventually found something that worked. I continued to take it and my acne completely - 100% completely - disappeared.
The recommended dose is quite scary: up to 10g a day at the start of the treatment, although after a few months your body will have adjusted so you can lower to a maintenance dose of about 2-3g. It is expensive, costing me £8.49 from Holland & Barrett for a bottle of 100 tablets (500mg). Of these I took 8-10 per day, which meant a bottle lasted about 2 weeks. However, I have spent so much more than that on useless treatments throughout my life that I don't mind at all.
Over half a year later and my skin is still remarkably clear, although my diet has been bad lately so I have a few small spots occasionally. Overall, it's an amazing vitamin that offers most acne-sufferers a 'cure'. For those of you who wish to read about exactly how and why it works, and for verification of what I say, you can find the report at:
http://www.coenzyme-a.com/acne_vulgaris.html
~~Web sites~~
Here are some good websites worth looking at:
www.absoluteacneinfo.com - this one has a fab forum.
www.acneworld.com - a basic, informative site.
www.thiele.fptoday.com/ta/acnehome.htm - this is a individual's site regarding the success he's had with eliminating sugar from his diet completely.
~~Conclusion~~
Well, that's the end of my acne experience and I hope that it really is the end of my bad acne experiences in my life. I wanted to highlight just how much it can affect peoples' lives and how it can make you feel so awful and ugly inside. At worst, it can be a severe disfigurement and a very traumatic disease to deal with, especially during the vulnerable teenage years. My acne has made me cry in desperation and hopelessness more times than I care to remember, with the most horrible thoughts about myself going through my mind. That's why I see B5 as somewhat of a lifesaver. And now it's clear perhaps I might even consider teaching overseas after all? ;-)