BackAgain

What pray tell, could have brought gold ole BA out of self imposed retirement? Could it be the possibility of big money endorsements from John Carre, JRIC, or the Universal House of Justice? No! Did Al Marbig entice a reluctant BA out of retirement to do a joint encore performance on the Web and link it to Jonah Winter's site? (Not a bad idea Al, actually.) No! yet again. Could it have been the wiles of the vivacious vixen Karen Bacquet with her houri like eyes and her pistol that got BA to rise up again? No! Not her wiles nor even the wiles of the bad boy Nima singing Mashriq Man in tight leather and chains could lure BA back to the shores of irrevery.

No, no, no. This time it was something really big, something so huge, so monumental, so downright awesome and irresistable, that BA just had to respond. On November 28, 2001, a full 44 solar years after the passing of the Central Figure of the Baha'i Faith, and even slightly more in terms of lunar years, Susan Maneck, the true successor to Shoghi Effendi and the one and only Guardianette of the Cause of the Guardian, actually surfed the Web and landed on the Baha'i Angst Web site. Praise Effendi! May the power of the Four Year Plan be with you all. Yes, she has blessed this site with her presence, and has thus indicated that BA might eventually become her successor.

Well, not quite. Anyway, how doth BA knoweth thateth she'th hath wrought a visitith to the'eth site'th? Does BA possess that which turneth an ordinary site counter made of lead into one made of gold? One that can with penetrating insight determine the identity of all the seekers arriving at the shore of unHousepitality? Hell no. But how doth thou know, 0 Angst?

Because, when the crow of sarcasm descended to the canopy of earthlink to read that which the pens of the visitors have left behind on the tablet of BA's email, BA chanced upon a missive shot off into the ether addressed by the sublime Guardianette Herself. And that subtle message, at once an announcement that the BA site has become famous throught the land of Haha, and a dire warning that some don't think it is such a haha site after all, contained only one thing. The message had no title and no text. No picture, no sound file, not even an attachment. All that it had, and all that it was, was a COMPUTER VIRUS that really really caused BA the greatest of Angst because it was so new that BA's antiviral software didn't see it and BA had to spend hours researching the damn thing, finding a site with a cure for free (since BA's antivirus software had also expired and needed to be renewed which cost money (how about those endorsements mentioned above folks?). But, in the end, sarcasm triumped over defending the AO no matter what, and the virus was removed.

It turns out that this virus, among other cool things, will email itself to any email links put on websites that you visit. So, if you are infected with this virus and visit a site with an email address posted as a link, it will send an email from you to that email address. As soon as a poor schmuck gets the message, which will not have anything in the subject line except "Re:", and clicks on it, he gets the virus. People suck. So, S&M, when she visited the site, no doubt seeking wisdom, revealed herself to us through her virus. And through this revelation, direct from her Guardianetteness herselfness, she has lifted up our heart and spirit, for though we know not the reason why, we've been elevated in the ranks of Baha'i to levels probably only experienced by those on some MSN message boards about tolerance.

There are three theories regarding why Susan Maneck sent Baha'i Angst this virus. While the sources of these three theories will remain anonymous, we will give each of them a name. Click on that name to get the theory. If you can come up with any other theories, please ease our Angst and let us know - sans computer virus.

Theories:

1. The Khan Theory

2. The Glacier Theory

3. The Boring Theory