IAA

It has always given us angst that Baha'is cannot join organizations such as Amnesty International or Human Rights Watch. These organizations, whatever their flaws may be, have done much good in the world. Furthermore, they consider all violators of human rights fair game - they do not discriminate - which is one reason why some feel that the Univeral House of Justice does not want Baha'is to join such organizations. However, another key reason is that if one joins such organizations as these, one will have decidely less time for worthless Baha'i meetings - actually the word worlthless is superfluous, a Baha'i meeting is by definitition worthless. For those who do not know, all Baha'i meetings have proslityzing as their cause, because the BF only exists to do two things: get bigger (a little) and collect money. That's why Baha'i organizations so seldom involve themselves in anything more meaningful than proclamation events and ayyam-i ha parties, wild exxagerations about their influence in the UN aside.

So, in a spirit of service, Baha'i Angst searched far and wide for an organization that Baha'is can join. It was a long journey, but at long last we came upon the shore of the ocean of sarcasm, and we found an organization that has exactly the same goals as the BF. It wants to collect money and increase its membership. That's all it does. It has other advantages that are great for Baha'is as well, we'll get to them shortly.

But we want to first thank an astute reader of the Baha'i Angst web site who noted that we have, on one of our myriad pages, referred to Mason Remey as an asshole.
The reader correctly noted that this is most unfair as we would not apply the term to others, such as Shoghi Effendi, the Central Figure of the Baha'i Faith (see our section on acronyms). After much angst, we decided that it is indeed grossly unfair to single out Mason Remey as an asshole, especially when there are so many others worthy of the appellation.

However, for be it from poor old Baha'i Angst, no doubt considered to be an asshole by many anyway, to dictate in an undemocratic fashion just who the assholes are. So, Baha'i Ansgt was in a quandary - how to find a democratic way to let the readership decide just who the assholes are, while at the same time finding a way for the general Baha'i (decreasing) membership and ex-Baha'i (increasing) membership to find an outlet for themselves that meets the rigid standards of the Universal House of Justice.

Here's the answer. We suggest that you, yes you, visit the website whose url is given below. This website is for the International Association of Assholes. It is the perfect organization for Baha'is to join. Here are nine principles explaining why::

1. Like the BF, it has only two goals, to make money and to increase its membership. It does aboslutely nothing else.

2. It is completely apolitical.

3. It does not have meetings, so you can still go to all your Baha'i meetings.

4. It is an International Organization - and like the World Baha'i Council, it is still in embryonic form.

5. To join, you have have to be sponsored by someone else, kind of like having an LSA's approval. You can override this requirement by paying ten dollars - which is the sponsorship fee.

6. Its membership is secret, just like a Baha'i membership role. You can exaggerate the numbers and no one will be the wiser.

7. It democratically elects it's president, and it does so through another major Baha'i innovation, the secret ballot.

8. It has lots of accronyms. The higher up in the organization you go, the more acronyms apply.. Here are just some of them: RA, CcA, UA, RyA, RyA2.

9. And here's the coolest most Baha'i like thing. When you register, you get a card identifying you as an Asshole. Unfortunately the card is not the property of the National Spiritual Assembly, but no doubt you could transfer the title to them or leave it to them in your will. On the other hand, when you resign from the BF you have to turn in your BF identity card, but you'll still be able to keep your IAA card. Believe me, after you've been through the BF, you will feel like you've been an asshole.

Rejoice, O Ye readers. The Universal House of Justice won't let you join Amnesty International, but you can join the International Association of Assholes.

So, rush now to the url below and read the instructions carefully. You can sign up for just 10 dollars. If you wish to nominate others for membership, you'll have to pay the 10 dollars for that person. At least it's ten dollars that won't go to Haifa.

http://www.thebird.org/assholes