| 10: No nooky. Nope, no way no how. Don't even kiss a
member of the other sex. There is no nooky in the Baha'i Faith. The Universal House of Justice has probably not ruled on this but I betcha they wouldn't want you to masturbate, either. Of course, if you are a grown up person, with an education and making your own way in life, you can always ask your parents if you could please get married. Personal responsibility! 9: No booze! No, you might be having fun and you wouldn't want that. 8: No politics. No, you wouldn't want to involve yourself in a good, healthy way that might actually improve the lives of the people in your community. If you do vote, please be ashamed of yourself. Imagine participating in a healthy way in your community! Sit on the sidelines, complain about how bad everything is, until the New World Order takes over and the Baha'is control everything! 7: Suffering. Yes, suffering. No Baha'i gathering is complete without the friends recounting how they have suffered for their faith. Buddha offered a prescription for the end of suffering. Jesus Christ offered life more abundant, presumably without suffering but Baha'is are offered suffering. 'Abdul Baha liked people to suffer' a friend also advised me. 6: Silly Christians go to church. There, through outmoded 'rituals' usually led by a 'clergymen' which Baha'is don't have, they often find themselves enriched and revitalized. Some even think they have communed with their God. If only they knew that if they were Baha'is they could go to a 19 day Feasts, a dreary, boring business meeting usually punctuated by some personal arguments. Some go on all night. 5: Ridvan meetings: YES THEY DO GO ON ALL NIGHT. WE WILL GET SOMEONE TO BECOME THE TREASURER WHETHER THEY LIKE OR NOT, DAMNIT! This is how they celebrate the begining of a new year. 4: You get to do all sorts of things you don't want to do, like be the treasurer and spend the next year haranging the friends for money. And, of course, go to all those all night LSA meetings. 3: LSA Meetings. They are held at least once a week, they last for several hours. Most city councils, who have to raise taxes, balance a budget, maintain city services, maintain a police and fire department, employ hundreds of people, they usually meet every two weeks for about two hours. A Baha'i LSA, which you got elected to even though you didn't want to be on it, meets once a week for several hours deciding what flavor of punch and what brand of cookies should be served at Feasts. Of course, if someone is violating some Baha'i law you can call them in, without counsel, and harang them, interogate them for hours on end, until they break down. This does take time but boy is it important! 2: You get hit up for money, you get hit up for money. The new world order needs money, your money, it's an honor to bankrupt yourself for the Faith. 1: You'll never have to bother you silly little brain by thinking again! All that hard brainwork is done for you. Back to Home |
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| The top ten reasons why you should become a (Haifan) Baha'i |