Hauntings I will never forget that feeling. I woke up in those hours that are Somewhere between late and early - And I knew. I laid in frozen fear Suspended, waiting for the fall. Eventually I convinced myself I’d only had a bad dream. First time nerves. But I never forgot that feeling. Picture day arrived Two weeks later. My husband had an emergency meeting I called on the slim chance That we could get in later. Thank God, we could. God knew I would need him there. As we waited, My husband’s eyes sparkling, I tried to choke down my dread. I still had symptoms – I could be wrong – But I couldn’t shake the feeling. The bubbly tech led us back. It was clear he enjoyed his job Guiding parents through First glimpses of their miracle. My heart leaped at the sight Of the perfect little profile But as he scanned my belly And studied the screen He turned quiet and somber. And we knew. He later told us it appeared We lost our angel two weeks prior. I dully remembered the night That feeling first came upon me And wondered if I had sensed the moment Our angel left us. The words banged in my head Like pennies in a coffee can. I felt weak, sick, Trapped in that space between A mighty blow and the searing pain. This couldn’t be my life. The procedure was on a Tuesday. Everyone was kind. They assured me I wouldn’t feel a thing. But I did. As soon as I awoke, Before I even opened my eyes, I felt it. Deeper than the physical shock Was left an emotional hole. More penetrating than the ache Of my empty belly Was the ache of my empty arms. Months later, they still remain. We are now in the two week wait Of our first second attempt. We try not to talk about it As we silently obsess. Dear husband is so positive. I’m trying to be – But I’m struggling. I cannot forget that feeling. wrtitten and submitted by Laura Butler boaterbunny 11/14/01