interview
Jim Peterson

Peterson enters the ring accompanied by the rest of Seasoned Meat.
After the crowd is done acknowledging what a bad ass wrestling god Peterson is he begins his tangent. He tells the crowd that he and Stepdaddy have agreed to put aside their differences for tonight for the sole purpose of stomping a mud hole in Vilhauer's ass. The crowd then starts a frenzied chant of "limp dick" led by Larson and Groves. He tells Vilhauer to find himself a tag partner by the end of the night or he's gonna need alot of cortizone. Before leaving he makes sure to tell Mocha that this is a one night only thing so he shouldn't get used to it, and if he tries any funny shit he's "gonnna punk him like a bitch".  Seasoned Meat then leaves the ring.
 

Ryan Swanson vs. Crispy

Crispy walks out with diapers and formula in his hand, probably Dax's (we hope).  Crispy, who looked awful tired, wasn't much of a challenge for Swanson, since he fell asleep twice during the match.  After the win, Swanson grabbed the microphone and told everyone that this was just a heavyweight warm-up for his match at OYT: Out of Traction.  Grrr.
Winner:  Swanson
 

Laura Kumm/Bianka Groves vs. Breezy Bryant/Beka Reiser

Bryant and Reiser were accompanied to the ring by Megan Meyer.  While Kumm was near the ropes, Meyer hit her with a chair.  Bianka sees this and jumps out to attack Megan.  She got counted out, and Matt Miller walked to ringside to try to separate the mess.  He said stuff to the likes of "if you girls want to fight, fight at the PayPerView."
Winners: Bryant/Reiser
 

Jason Hofer vs. Rumpshaker Slim

This match was counted as a No Contest after about ten minutes.  Just as R'shaker was trying to execute the Rumpshaker Deluxe, ManKid appeared, as if by magic, from under the ring.  He pulled Hofer through the ropes, causing R'shaker to miss his move.  ManKid then treated R'shaker to some ManChowder.  Mass chaos ensued when R'shaker started after ManKid.
Winner: NO CONTEST
 

Interview:
Corey Vilhauer

Vilhauer walks out and acknowledges the people.  He grabs the mic and begins spouting off how Peterson has a small penis and how Stepdaddy is a no good fat bitch.  He then calls Owen Haubert out.  Knowing the hatred between Haubert and Peterson, Vilhauer asks Haubert to be his tag partner for the night.  Haubert refuses, and Vilhauer gives him an ultimatum.  Be his tag partner or forfeit his belt.  Haubert, knowing full well that Vilhauer has the power to do it, grudgingly agrees.  Haubert walks off and Vilhauer flips him off, at which time Haubert turns around.  Scared shitless, Vilhauer runs into the crowd and hides behind a fat lady.
 

Sam Larson vs. Cody Schlenker

Larson wins with the Bamf huracarana and the Flying Cross Body Bonch.  Then Larson made a few colorful comments, which cannot be fucking repeated on a fuckin' family show...asshole, about how Schlenker was a traitor sunovabitch.
Winner:  Larson
 

Four corners match...
For those who don't know shit about these types of matches...
There are four people... two in the ring and two on the corners.  A rassler can tag any of the people on the outside to replace them.  Only one person can win.
Ian Haubert vs. Wyatt Ensz vs. Matt Miller vs.
Big Fresh

Haubert and Big Fresh start out, causing Big Fresh to instantly tag Ensz in.  After a long beating, Ensz finally gets around to taging Miller in, and Haubert tags B.Fresh.  Miller tags Haubert back in and takes a break on the outside, but Ryan Swanson sneaks up behind him and clubs him over the head.  Meanwhile, in the ring, B.Fresh tags Ensz in, who falls prey to Haubert's move, the "i used to be in the navy piledriver".
Winner:  Haubert
 

MEANWHILE, IN THE PARKING LOT...

Eric Swanson finally arrives in his little Honda, followed by "Mr. Russell", who is in a bad ass limo.  Swanson gets out and starts talking shit to Russell, who gets out of the limo with a bat.  A street fight ensues and Swanson is bloodied bad, until Nichole Green comes to his aid with a chair.  Russell is knocked down, and as Swanson gets up, he walks away, only to change his mind and slap on the Conjuctivitus.  Russell screams like a bitch.
 

Main Event
Jim Peterson/Stepdaddy vs.
Corey Vilhauer/Owen Haubert

Peterson and Haubert start out in the ring, while Stepdaddy and Vilhauer pound on each other, all the way into the back.  Peterson knocks Haubert on his ass a couple of times, but is taken down himself by a low blow to the juevos.  In back, Stepdaddy has picked up a broken table, while Vilhauer has a trophy, both of which came from the crowd...somehow.  Peterson attacks Haubert with a flurry of punches, and manages to get Haubert set up for the "meat grinder" powerbomb, but is thrown off before he can get it executed.  Haubert gets Peterson up into the Realm of Pain, which Peterson somehow gets out of by smashing his head multiple times against Hauberts head.  In the back, both Vilhauer and Stepdaddy are hitting each other a lot.  Haubert, dazed, walks over to where Vilhauer is supposed to be and tries to tag, but realizes there is no Vilhauer to tag.  Peterson picks Haubert up by the back of the neck and throws him over the top rope into the Guatemalan brodcasting table (poor guys).  At this time, Vilhauer and Stepdaddy venture thier way back to ringside, both bloodied a lot.  Vilhauer finds a chair, grabs Stepdaddy, and lays the smack down with a People's DDT.  Vilhauer then throws Haubert into the ring and gets in himself.  Peterson grabs Vilhauer, knocks him silly, and powerbombs his ass into next Thursday.  Haubert, getting up, grabs Vilhauer and puts HIM in the Realm of Pain.  The match has become mass hysteria, with all of Vilhauer's fans crying and weeping.  Stepdaddy gets in the ring, knocks Haubert down, and executes the Mocha Drop on Vilhauer.  Stepdaddy pins him.  Match over.  Peterson walks over to Stepdaddy, shakes his hand, and gives him a powerbomb.  What an asshole.  Stay tuned for Baywatch.  Tits.  and water.

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